I'm afraid of what I have become

Perhaps, you will make me remember I used to be capable of loving,

Perhaps I will make you regret loving me.

I don't know, can't make promises.

I'm still a mess.

Stick by me at your own risk.

she's got shadows in her hair
and scorpions hide in there.

her eyes drip venom,
incapacitating
all she glances upon,
turning a summer sunrise
into decay.

she's got shadows in her hair
and scorpions move beneath the surface.

her lips skitter,
chasing down
and breaking apart
even the sturdiest of mountains.

she's got shadows in her hair
and scorpions crawl under skin.

her teeth gnaw,
eroding
all she touches,
turning a broken promise
into gossamer strands.

she's got shadows in her hair
and scorpions dance within her skull.

her chest heaves,
filling up
and emptying out
the horizon.

she's got shadows in her hair
and scorpions bleeding throughout.

her heart roars,
shaking
all she treads on,
turning a lifetime
into dust.

she's got shadows in her hair
and I no longer care about the scorpions.

her hands shake,
holding my
immortal coil
in a death grip.

she's got scorpions in her hair.

Our first mistake was carving our initials into a cut down tree ,
Our love was destined to break ,

When you left me
You cut me deep
Shredded my heart
Into pieces
Really hit me hard
In my feelings
With that I wasn’t
So good at dealing
I was left in a mess
Found I had issues
I need to address
So that I can
Be a better man

Still think of you
Every night and every day
You gave me a wake up call
Had to lose it all, had to fall
It’s not so easy without you
I hope that you know
I still deeply love you

Even after the fights
And all the hurtful words
I still find myself
Missing you,
holding you deep inside my mind
Took you walking away
To realise i didn’t commit
In the ways that i should have

Still think of you
Every night and every day
You gave me a wake up call
Had to lose it all, had to fall
It’s not so easy without you
I hope that you know
I still deeply love you

Thoughts of you
Keep plaguing my head
And all the things
That could have been
All those place we wanted to see
All those things that can never be
All I can do is reminisce
And think about what might have been
If we had worked it out
We’re nothing more
than strangers now

Still think of you
Every night and every day
You gave me a wake up call
Had to lose it all, had to fall
It’s not so easy without you
I hope that you know
I still deeply love you

©2024 Written By Benji James

I want to hide it
But it disappeared,
feeling nothing is a bit....
overwhelming,
and just like that,
I realized its turned off,
I'm wondering, would it come back harder,
without a warning?
Would those feelings, those emotions come rushing back in my mind,
like a flood that was waiting to be released?
I hate not knowing any other way to deal,
it comes like second nature to me,
to be able to turn off a part of my mind,
It happened automatically,
I didn't even try.
Guess my body developed
a healing mechanism.
but at the same time,
I have to walk through life not feeling anything,
I don't miss those feelings
I wish I could maybe I shouldn't

you once said
i was your very life source
before leaving me behind
without a second thought
now i can't escape
these memories of you
and so i hope my love stains you
like spilled red wine
on fresh linen sheets
i hope my name burns your throat
clawing its way out
when you try to forget
i hope every stolen glance
every clandestine moment
haunts you
my ghost greeting you
each time you close your eyes
the feeling of how it felt
to have me
bright and alive and burning
before losing me
like dust in your hands
eats you alive.

In every word, a web of deceit is spun,
I am full with your lies, a heavyweight,
With each false promise, trust becomes undone,
My heart, once pure, now stained with bitter hate.

The truth, elusive, hides behind your eyes,
A mask of innocence, you wear so well,
But deep within, a darkness slowly lies,
A tale of falsehoods, a deceitful spell.

Oh, how I long for honesty's embrace,
To rid my soul of this deceitful game,
But in your lies, I find no saving grace,
Only shattered dreams and lingering shame.

Though lies may fill me, I'll break free one day,
And find the truth, in love's pure light, I'll stay.