03.24.19
I.
i could not stay awake not for another breath,
what with you pulling air so close to mine,
thoughts persistent, visions relentless
(to look around, to remember where you are)
do you know who you are (? )
scoffing somewhere, removed from me
were their eyes to fall upon me
she is omnipresent, all around me when i breathe-
gone from here
none of this feels familiar,
not the sheets not the shadows of the room,
the lights flicked off and i feel-
heat from your body over the moisture of mine
(i recognize none of it )
vividly i vision the seams of buildings
edges of avenues, bordered in cars and trees
bridges i crossed everyday; away
( anxious i self inflict, i gasp)
days stretch on like where are the lines ?
where are the spaces, from calendars to clockwork
saying when and how and who done it
to number time, confine the time, throttle-
with the windows always dark,
a blue sky in a frame on the kitchen wall,
could belong absolutely anywhere
and i recognize nothing, not the floor
not the ceiling where i lay, you besides me
all day and all night, i see distortion
(strange to accept and hard to believe )
9:57 pm
II.
strength of something torn from here,
paradoxical; gone and omnipresent
wrapped in this flesh of yours
however absent/// longways away from here
no word of yours or mine could be said
without grain from some other
fruitful tree; i see orchards !
they litter the sky
so much of this life is inescapable
10:09 pm
III.
were i to close my eyes i still perceive movement
limning of you behind my eyelids, aura
i catch the ghosts of wrinkles, were i to open my eyes
would be your arms; ( i need not open them)
i know by some imbued reflex that
we are kissing, i see it in my head between the ears
they melt together, i feel it in the stomach
not on the tongue where you are making a home
nothing exists but the place where we
reunite like a bird catching a fish in midair
movement once more, and know somehow
no semblance of time, no notion of time
then it is your tongue and your tongue only
which connects me to this earth for i am smoke;
liquid, i am nothing else
i am music then, somehow and by some miracle
you sing somewhere as well,
might i be the wind, only hyper aware of the way
i greet your body,
skin vaporized, my fingers pulverized
i settle like dust all around you
i could be anywhere
nothing but the fragment
of space/// time where you are here with me
a body that is separate and somehow
infinitely harmonized to mine
10:25 pm
IV.
i see who i was a month ago,
unrecognizable!
the path from here to there
has been erased like wind over sand
a tie has been severed,
to the other life,
she might as well have been killed
on a commute somewhere
11:48 pm
V.
at last, words slither out like animals
a burrow, a hole in the ground
they were buried, at last you dig graves, collect skeletons
(it is something you do at night)
one does wonder, what good is reached by
accumulating laughter; i have never laughed
as i do now
11:51 pm
--------------------------------------------------------
03.25.19
VI.
static whistles in the background
of an intermediate place
a place with no name
i think perhaps i am a furred leaf
for i grow roots around water ///
a rocket ship sends a message back where it came from
a planet formerly known as HOME:
[i am safe somewhere]
12:09 pm
03.28.219
VII.
i clean my mouth of it,
i purify that which has so clouded,
depths of the murky mind
i wash my hands of it
i dissipate fear
i eradicate guilt
i bathe my toes in a river
un-tethered from all
which has so consumed me
i breath into lungs
now drowned into action
a pull from my chest, over and onto
heaving gasps of fresh air-
somewhere between our hands,
dust settled:
( i let it gather)
truth speaks discomfort,
i **** paralysis!
fight or flight,
the third instinct, to freeze
may we be rid of it
may the mind be free from all
idle thought and hollow circuits
(a yellow bird flies onward,
a prayer... )
1:12 pm
a short collection of poems i wrote consecutively over a period of a few days in which i detail some of the thoughts and feelings i had after moving out and going out into the world
