He’s sweet
I bite into him and feel the juices pool in my throat
He’s bitter
His aftertaste
The sting of rejection lingers in my mouth

I’ve always been addicted to grapefruit
Its natural tang much like melancholy
Much like the nightshade of my heart
I bite off more than I can chew
I live for contradiction
And it’s addiction to love

Grapefruit is a woman
A woman who feels too deeply
A woman who is sweet and sour
The woman I’ll never be
I can only consume
I ate too much

Grapefruit is the man I love
Sweet and bitter
The sting of rejection lingers in his mouth
Give me more
I’m still addicted

I thank you,
My cold sweet lover.
That you left me in the damp, dark, frigid night.
So on my own, I could learn
The grief of stones.
That solemnly watch,
The world change above them.
And in the end, are gathered in each of your lovely hands,
To be crushed and ground,
Made into the bricks that buttress,
Your humble abode.

When the house is quiet,
When the nighttime has come,
I am bombarded by thoughts
Of the things that I've done

A scratch on the record,
A static on VHS,
A mind bitterly thinking
About a discombobulated mess

I'm utterly happy,
Or so I believe,
Although it may not come across,
It may not be perceived

These thoughts are like alcohol
Dousing the flame
Don't come any closer
I'm already close to insane

I wanna drink myself to sleep
Prescribe me the pills to help me, please
It makes me sick to even think
You could even be like this
Leave me hanging on something
That'll never ever be
How could you ******* leave me lonely
You knew I still thought of you
You knew there was nobody else but you
And you might have thought
I had worked this out
But I'm so totally over it
I just keep on losing it every time
You talk about him
I don't wanna hear that ****
I'd much rather listen to ******* people preach
I couldn't care less what you think of me
Give me the pills to release my mind
Give me drink until I drown myself in it
Baby give me the nightlife
One night stand to take you out of my head
Get so drunk that I can't get back up again
Stomach pumped just to bring me back
Reenergize, try to make me smile
But I just go back and do it all again
I ****** you and I ****** your friend
Oh dear lord his lost it
Oh dear lord what's next
I think I just had like three girls in my bed
Prescribe me something to stop
The madness that runs through my head
Before I go **** my life up again.

©2017 Written By Benji James

I
trembling fingers write
with every emotion 
lied to myself again tonight
not another day to waste
meanings start to blur
in the in-betweens 
of music heard with me
now musings for another

now is this the most fun
you had in your life
wasted youth, everyday
nooses and strings
nothing gets through you

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate

II
now isn't it the most fun
you had two weeks in
stomping on the ground
on which i have weeded out
all the mistakes myself
to blame you 
marching on the love i had
i found with you

every word is a mistake
every chance is a let down to myself
every memory is unforgiving
eat your words and spit out new mistakes
you drown yourself in hate

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate

III
try and fix yourself
set yourself apart from the world
did you find what you were looking for?
did you gain the world instead?
you live with all but no regrets
but in the end, you see the truth

you are what you hate in yourself
you drown yourself in hate
in lies, in guilt you drown
you are all that i hated in me
you were all that i loved

-
nothing else matters
like another lie you tell yourself
tonight, like every night
you drown yourself in hate
you drown, you are never found 
you drown yourself in hate
you drown yourself in hate

today i’ll wake up and see the sun
set apart my soul from what was
the ghost you left with me
you drown, you are never found
you drown yourself in hate
you drown yourself in hate