look at the graph, he said,
this line that makes a hill
is the echo from your heart.
who sent the first ping?
a beat, a rhythm I can't decode?
Next time, listen to your heart carefully.
The center of the body
The center of feelings
The center of hope
The center that controls you
The thing that keeps you alive
The thing that beats in your body
The heart is the difference between people
Every heart beats different and for different people
People can share what is in their heart
But they can’t share their heart without the risk of losing their life
I blame you.
why did you do this to me
i could crumble in your hands and that didn’t matter
all i ever wanted was to make daddy happy
you. did this.
i trusted you.
that’s all i thought about when it came to you.
how could you do that to me
made me feel small
made me anxious
the person i looked up to the most in this world has betrayed me
I am broken
talked down to
I didn’t get it because i didn’t deserve it
i now know i deserved the world.
when you were just never able to give it.
it’s you dad
everything is your fault and you are the very reason i twitch
the very reason why i have authority problems
even with my own girlfriend.
we’re the same age
she makes me nervous like you’d make me nervous right before you’d drag your hand across my face that was probably the very size of your palm
you kept me away
i was afraid
that little girl is afraid.
it’s your fault
dad trust me it’s all you
it was never anyone else but you
you weren’t the only one
but i only blame you.
didn’t edit.. just typed
Tried to wash the scars embedded on me
Submerged the voices that left me haunted
Drowned the visions from the tall red oak tree
Remembering when you asked to “flaunt it”
I tried to scream, but choked on nonsense words
Your malevolent laughs replays in my mind
No evidence, but me and the blue birds
How hard is it for one to just be kind?
You left me with pain, you left me to cry
I can never get my innocence back
Yet, I still love you, but I don’t know why
I may not remember all that happened,
But my body does, my body remembers it all
Sleeves worn by broken trees-
As the world goes on in glee
No less a somber fellow
Borrow now he borrows
And burrows into your cotton cave-
With a fluid feeling he misunderstands
Where pain is of no mention
Tension here there tension
Indentations and stipulations on the seed of a neutered soul-
And you lose or have lost it as you taste the cavernous hole
Ribald fellow your weather betrays you it hangs your skull
On a lacking cloud that paints your spindly skin so dull
Gather what you must in the pool of shallow loving and shame-
As eminence confounds you and status escapes your stolen name
With the charms of dead brothers and the cruelty of a mother
Should you seek the soil now know that none will be bothered
my mind is the city
that never sleeps.
thoughts roam the streets -
some with circular commutes.
some glare at each other
some smile, uplifting everyone.
despite the chaotic rhythm,
the underlying beat of my heart
determines the pace of the city.
#escapril day 13!
Distant but fair.
Prickles fine hair.
It is ethereal
It is so sweet
Repeated in time,
It follows the beat.
too lonely to beat
too painful to bear
hold on tight
and make it right
take off the mask
and let them watch
they are the judge
to make things right