The sound won’t stop ringing in my ear
that familiar voice that I can’t unheard
every time I reach the pathway of where the attic was located
I tried to tell my parents about it numerous of times on a daily basis
but it’s like they can’t even hear me
and they act like my curiosity is  nothing
as if they’re playing the quiet game on me
now I’m left with suspicion every night
and soon one day I couldn’t bear it any longer
so one night I waited till my parents are asleep
and creeped through trying not to step on the creaky floorboards
until I  finally reached to where the attic was
as I touch the texture of the wooden door of above
the door slips and the stairs fall down to my knees
I climb the stairs and when I reached higher and higher
I felt very off….
but I brushed that feeling off
when I got inside I examined my surroundings
it was slightly cramped and dark
with only a large window creating a light source
through the gleaming light source it was flashing on something
quite odd looking
I couldn’t really see what it was until I got closer
suddenly I heard the strange noise again coming from it
when I reached my hand out to touch it it felt cold
I turned it over and I finally saw it
it was a person with their jaw ripped off
their mouth was hanging out with remnants of dry blood
their eyes were pure white with no pupils
and their body was super thin and rather fragile like a stick bug
with leeches munching on the dead pale flesh
I was speechless
not as if I was terrified
even though I felt like I was supposed too
because when I saw the face I knew who it was
it was me
then I started to realize why the sound was so familiar
and as I stare at the large window
my reflection was not looking back at me
It was never there to begin with

Since I was a little kid
There was something
Deeply disturbing about
The attic at my parent's
It was chilling cold there
It made unnatural noises
And it felt like the walls
Were always watching

One night when I was 17
And home alone, I woke up
To what sounded like nails
Scratching the wooden panels
So at the top of my teenager
Stupidity, I took an old pistol
And went to check out what
Was going on there

I went upstairs, gun drawn
Just to have my jaw dropped as
I saw this slim and tall shadow
Standing in front of the fireplace
I stood there in utter shock for
What seemed like a lifetime
Until I gathered the courage
To ask: 'who are you?'

The shadow replied with
A deep and inhuman voice:
'I'm the demon that your
Grandfather brought with him
From the Great War in the east
From him, I passed down to your
Father and now the time has
Come for me to dwell in you'

In an adrenaline rush, I ran
Downstairs as fast as I could
Slammed my beedroom door
Locked it and barricaded it
But the demon wouldn't quit
He tried to break in, frantically
Pounding and screaming:
'Let me in, let me in'

We played game in the attic
Forever avoiding the basement
We were always happiest
Believing that we were above everyone else

Trains pass by
Hiding bombs
Waiting to kiss the sky
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.

Another pill passing lips
From broken fingertips.
I wonder why my hands died
Before the rest of me could.

Empty monsters
Fill up attics
With my dead friends.

They walk past

Poems

Laughter and

Love

Just as empty by the end
As they were at the start.

So far
Nobody good
Has mentioned
My dead hands.

The drunken ghosts
Whispering to walls
Still blame me
For your death.

And my beauty is blurred
By my dead hands.
And my chest is bruised
By your young death.

And my glass philosophy
Has begun to shatter
Under the light
Of the blue hours
I've been drowning in.

Death is a friend who caught my eye
Ten years and three months ago
Up in the attic
Hiding all alone.
When the monsters come and find me
They'll take me back home.

& Death is a friend
Kept closer than any.
He doesn't get angry
His eyes never leak
As he watches me paint lies
Over blue bruising cheeks.

Death is a friend
I'm falling in love with
As months crawl by
I'm gaining the courage
For that first final kiss.

I almost was brave
Ten months & three weeks ago
Driving alone down an old country road
Death in my passengers seat
My skin growing cold.

& Death is a friend
I'm more than halfway in love with
He was all I could see in your face
As you painted in bruises & blood
To put me in my place.

& I cried to the old brick road
I told all of my secrets
I told of all my pain.

Death is a friend
I fell madly in love with
Ten days and three hours ago
Hiding in that alley alone
Begging for death to take the rest of me.

Or some profound piece of me.

But Death is a friend
As cruel as he is kind
In moments of need
He is nearly impossible to find.

Ten hours & three minutes ago
I chose to make death mine.

After ten glasses of wine
These three bottles of pills have finally fogged my mind.

Here I lie
In the attic alone.
I've only got one cigarette left to go
Till the monsters will never find me again.