It was around midnight
I was alone with you
You filled my blood with alcohol
Little did I know what you knew

You wouldn’t keep your hands off me
As if I didn’t have a choice
Forcing yourself onto me
I couldn’t seem to find my voice

I tried to push you away
As you pulled me closer to you
I told you to leave
But you stuck to me like glue

The next morning
I tried to ***** up all of my tears
But your hands were tattoos on my body
And the look in your eyes became my biggest fears

You see, I was a steady moving girl
And you broke me in two
Now I’m chained to my fear
And I can’t seem to break through

You stole my freedom
And left me with paranoia and deep cuts
I want to tell the whole wide world
But you know I'll never have the guts

You've no idea how much damage you did
Just the scent of that night haunts me
I have nowhere to turn
There’s no place to where I can flee

I can't seem to escape you
If only I could count to three
I have just one question for you
Why me?

When you pushed me onto the bed, your hands roaming, reaching a goal, breath twisted with alcohol, shivered in pain, stood up, tried to breathe, tried to leave, kissed my innocence and left me feeling at blame. Scared in the school hallways, rumours ran towards me and away from you, police questioned me and watched you walk to class while I walked into an interview. “Did you say no?” Did I? No. You can’t talk when you can’t breathe.

you are seventeen and he is younger but so much bigger. you feel like a doll in his palm. you are unaware that his hands between your legs is a contract. He lays you down on your back, and you turn your heard to the TV. Moana is playing.

2. he pulls you to his chest and you whisper, "promise me I won't regret it." he smiles and kisses your forehead. the next day, he tells you he doesn't know if he loves you or not. you regret it.

3. you are almost asleep and his hands keep wandering. you close your eyes tighter. you wish you were dead.

4. he tells you that you don't have to do it if you don't want to, but you know that it's the only way to keep him from leaving. Afterwards, he wipes the tears from your chin and holds you close to his heart, so gentle and soft. you almost feel at home.

5. he leaves. You have to begin picking up the pieces somewhere but you never really find out where to start. a year passes. It has been twelve months of rain but the sun begins to peak out behind its curtain of clouds. you rest.

I want to feel loved.

I crave the melting of flesh into mine.
Boiling pores and sweating fingertips
tracing my face.
I lace myself into your hair and make myself a nest.
I am safe,
but not for long.

For I will never feel safe again,
not in your arms,
not in the arms of any.
I am *****,
soiled,
used,
empty.

I am not a body of love,
No longer a *** of milk tea
on a cold day.
Watercolour stains wash away with water.

I am viper,
I am splinters,
hangnails,
and paper cuts.

I will never be soft again,
and it’s your fault.
I will never forgive you for that.