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Asominate Feb 2020
I look and there's nothing left,
There's nothing left to be saved.
Because I am yours
I wear my mask
And behave.

I look at me and I see
There's nothing left to be saved
Because you own me,
I laugh it off
I'm your slave,

Yours, in a lost state
I wear my mask and behave
Because you own me
I wear my mask
Asominate Feb 2020
To be practised are the things to better within myself, I must work my gifts
For if too long they lie there stagnant, eventually they'll be missed
It's been forever since I can remember a poem of mine with run-on lines
I can't remember to, mustn't, but I want to, reality's wrong but otherwise, I'm fine

Going about my daily lives, I strive to make me better than the best
Expectations of perfection, I can't care, I can never be less
Concerning all that I am learning, getting, being, staying here
Hides an appreciation of my disassociations, my delusions, don't hug me, I am scared

It's been a while since I last smiled at a prose of mine made out of deliberation
A fever dream, I scream through my glass casket to a denying nation
Let me out, it festers, a pest, I confess to the caging of a tiger
Repression, antidepressants, suppressed, well sedated, I'm deduced, I am a, the liar

I live to love, I hate to live, but love, a reality, people nonexistent
No matter what happens, as things get out of hand, it stands, the maddening's consistent
Can't see the wrong, just as I'm taught, you awaken, to fix the mixed, you're seeking
Asleep I lie, waiting to die, everything's alright is all I see, I be to once denied, unwanted memories, unstopping, ever fleeting

Of course it is my fault, as usual
Asominate Feb 2020
I'll blow my brains
'Cause I deserve it
Ignore my pains
'Cause I'm not worth it


They hurt us
These are the ways they vent
Us monsters
Should get our punishments


Us monsters
We are the monsters
We deserve it
These are the ways they vent

Us monsters
They hurt us
Price of a sentience?

Price of a sentience...
We're true monsters.
For people who ask me why am I the way I am...
Asominate Feb 2020
Abstract extracts have no story to tell
I have no feelings and art don't sell
A familiar emptiness; hunger, that I know too well
How can I be in the valley, if I never fell?

We're pretty much the same,
Divided across an axis
An object and its image with no name
Asominate Feb 2020
Red, stripe, white.
Isn't that the pattern?
We fed,
We might
Consume to make a better bed
Delighted,
Dreams still dance inside my head
The night
Never seems to find its end.
Asominate Feb 2020
The hardest diamonds
can be broken.

The mutest of tongues
cry out,
they've spoken.

The deafest of ears,
they hear
their tears.

The emotionally numb,
they still...
feel...
pain...

We
feel...
pain...

I
feel...
pain.


T­he hardest diamonds...
the living die out

But I wanna die now
There is no way out

to escape

You lie and lie me down
I'm not safe

Whatever it may be
It wouldn't last

Whatever it's made off,
Eventually, it'll be of the past
Asominate Feb 2020
Everyone is an industry plant

Everyone plants themself

There's nothing wrong with planting yourself in an industry

I wish I was one
I can be
I could be

Who cares?
inspired by Lil B0MB
Asominate Jan 2020
Do you think I'm an industry plant?

I wish

The only one planting me

Is me

By myself

On my own

No corporation
No big business

I'm nobody!
Inspired by Lil B0MB.
Asominate Jan 2020
The darkest humour,
A comedy
I’m laughing although it is killing me
You watch me bleed, yeah.

Brains don’t feel pain…

Especially daddy’s
When he had a tumour growing in it
Messed up his memory
Also, his sanity

Since then he cannot see
He went completely blind
Nerve cells rarely heal
Especially the ones that run to the eyes

Surprise
For two weeks
He felt it ill
Slight fever with no heat

He felt slightly weak
Then he woke up blind
Everything was dark
His optic nerves his tumour did find


He said everything was black
He flew out of the country
After a month, he came back
He didn’t die, alive was my daddy


Ten years, three months later
I put my pen to paper
I know I wouldn’t remember
‘Cause daddy and I don’t get better.


The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree
I am of my father
Dementia: him, schizophrenia: me
Isn’t it a laughter?

That’s my happily ever after...
I'm a person who writes down my events and memory for when I forget then, and I realised there was a story a never wrote down. Over 10 years ago. I was 8, he was 50. The doctors said with the size of his tumour, it had to be growing for over 30 years. In his late twenties, he had a brain scan, but nothing showed up... nothing until over 20 years later.
I'm really glad to have him around right now, but it sometimes gets to me seeing me becoming him and seeing us grow worse, mentally, that is.
Asominate Jan 2020
Birthdays are not my things,
I'm not into gift-giving really,
But I'll give this poem to you
Because, Mom, you're special to me.
One year later I'm posting this, but better late than never, right?
Happy 45th birthday, mom!
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