I
The snow is blank as
My apathetic manner
A seed thrusts out; new

II
Intense agony
Spreading and twisting in a
Worthless, weeping heart

III
The product amazes
Me; it's absolutely a
Lucid, pure nothing

IV
New Year's - a silent
Lullaby; empty promise
For the hopeful/less

V
Nothing ever came
From nothing; good trees do not
Sprout rotten, ugly fruit

not only is beauty supposedly
in the eye of the beholder, it
also reportedly emerges from
an intangible depth within

okay, then, so that means ugliness
comes similarly from within,
or doesn't it, baby?

so then, ugliness must begin and end
in the pit of your stomach, and in
the words that pass the tongue
on the exit from your ugly mouth

so then, ugliness must begin and end
in the nerves buried in sleeves, and in
the actions that slip the heart
sneaking past the brain, and vice versa.

on the grab from your dead hands.
on the grab from your dead hands.

not only does it tend to work
unlike the excitable pretend it works,
the implication is, that half of your
worthiness is linked to the mercy

of the mass effect.
as for a thought, a dream,
an intent, an outcome,
a vision, a nightmare,
a hermit knows the good folk
permit attractiveness to good lines.

i feel,
apathetic right now
i feel,
emotionless right now
and it's scary. it's scary to feel, nothing,

i tried to preserve my innocence as much as possible,
but, in what i've seen, throughout childhood, my innocence was like
gutted and killed.
and that also is pretty scary
cuz i feel like
along with innocence, things go hand in hand, like
happiness, and love
and i think moments of love don't last forever but,
nothing lasts forever.
but in the moment, love and sharing it really,
it puts you in a place like,
kinda like another dimension where,
you and this other person can,
let loose and do anything.
i like,
text this girl
and uhm,
it's scary to say the least,
cuz i don't want to admit that i depend on her, but i do
and depending on someone is scary because they might not depend on you so you just,
are stuck, waiting for this person to call back, when they have other people in their life. and i'm really antisocial, so i don't have many people.
and like,

i just feel scared for my future.

it's really messed up cuz you get so lost in someone.
that the only way to get out is to just,
delete them.
because you can't really delete people from real life.
i mean you could,
and it's ******* horrible.

you little shattered thing, have
you lost your pieces again?
are you still
seeking comfort
from someone's
apathetic hands?
allowing yourself to cave in
to their abysmal demands?

you stupid little thing you
disappear more every day
even your reflection dissipates
cause it can't bare to see your face

you human-turned-monster
have you forgotten how to live?
didn't anyone teach you how to give
parts of yourself to the others?

you ******* idiot
why can't you remember the past?
do you just choose to forget?
and why do you lie
about your quiet laments?
are you blissfully ignorant  
or are you consumed by regret?

     your sweet shy soul
     where did it go?

My heart aches
to feel something.
My head longs
for my heart to feel
anything.
Though I feel absolutely
nothing.