The walls are thin, too anorexic,
Trembles like an epileptic.
In my echo chamber,
I can hear them stutter.
Inner voices apoplectic.

people only start caring when you're deadly skinny.

We didn't break and we did not bend.
We swayed like toothpicks between teeth.
Sitting.
Silently smiling with cigarettes hanging from our bitter lips.
Smoking up the thing as if we were women who couldn't get enough lipstick.
But life bumped me and i smeared that ****.
See i wanted wintry hands and an almost nonexistent waist.
In order for that to happen my mind had to break.
I bent over backwards trying to get toa new body. I did cartwheels over calories and colored in a watery blue on all the pictures of food. I fade farther into myself the older i get and monsters ****** my imagination. There's a grave labeled "skeleton girl" that we're racing to. I Thought if skinny means dying then so be it. My mind already offed it's self when it analyzed my thoughts.

When?

When did you start limiting yourself?
Counting calories like they were a poison,
Eating nothing but crumbs
Until your cheekbones stick out like rocks under your pale skin

When did you start disposing yourself?
Purging your meals as if they were toxic waste,
While you ditch your food like an ugly prom date,
Flushing bits of your soul down with last nights meal

When did you start calculating?
Counting calories like you were taking a math test,
Subtracting and subtracting until there’s nothing left but
Your empty stomach and even emptier soul

So,
tell me when,
when did you start counting your ribs instead of your tears?

You call me strong
But babe,
I'm far from it.

I cried all the time
And now I don't let anyone in.

I always ******* up
And now I wish I was smarter.

I have gone through a lot
And it made me a damsel.

I was hit
And now I'm scared of quick movements.

I was screamed at
And now I hate loud sounds.

I was shut down
And now I have no confidence.

I was sent away
And now I can't get comfortable.

I was suicidal
And now I'm damaged.

I was anorexic
And now I'll never be healthy.

I was lied to
And now I can't trust.

I was always the target
And now I'll never be strong enough.

you're still losing weight. i didn't know it was possible to shed the pounds this quickly.
the less you eat, the more you age. in three months, you'll have aged six years. i can't recognize you anymore. it's like parts of your soul have gone missing.

your body is what holds your mind. it holds your soul. it held me.
i know it sounds so selfish, but i want you go be who you were before.
not only were you healthy, but you were happy.
and warm. so warm.

i hope you gain back your warmth. i hope you find the pieces of your soul that have corroded in the stomach acid your force yourself to choke up. i hope your serotonin levels raise to a normal number. i hope that the color comes back to your cheeks.
i hope that you become something other than a walking corpse.

if you don't, i won't lecture you again, but i won't be able to come back. it's too hard seeing you like this. i hope you understand.
but please know that i will always love you and i will always be on your side. i believe you can do it. call me when it happens.

i want to crawl out of my skin,
out of my body,
and leave it all behind.

farewell to the flaws,
to the walls,
that have kept me so confined.