As I gazed upon the face of my enemy
I saw warped reflections of all that I used to be.
It forced a fleeting ponder upon my fate within the Great Yonder
and a feeling too absurd to declare;
Whether the ****** or the Buddha emerged
after I fought with the demons submerged

Feeling estranged from my shame and all burdens of pain
I finished my shave, declared myself sane
and went downstairs to get breakfast.
Musing on the strangest 15 seconds of my life

As I stare
(at a great distance)
the vast ends on each side
of the mountain's peak,
appear to me like water
         so familiar
I have a deep sense
To swim there
I might be complete
Home.     Returned
to somewhere I've belonged,
somewhere I've never been
Not in this form.
Before I came to this now

You’re in our blood and marrow
guiding us each beat,
but more

through oral histories
smoothed by years and the telling
around later dinner tables
with warm wine smiles
sharp edges and harsh, too-sharp clarity
burnished and buffed away,

as our minds turn over each recollection
we feel the warm glow of worn gold
to hold us, linger-hugged,
or ride the swelling tide from a fabled talisman
as we channel your strength
to stand up to them

or we might laugh recalling pompous brass buttons
‘til stitch given tears pour
at the tenderness of your
remembered buffoonery
where wisdom dressed up daft
and sang stupid songs to love us

Is it as simple as that?
I’m trying the best I can
But maybe that’s not the right stance
Let me be selfless and pay my dues
But if I don’t pray, would it all be a ruse?
I’m trying the best I can
Or maybe I say that more than I actually am
We speak every day- so you know my path
Not even a decade old- I felt your wrath
To love and fear you
Help me balance the two
I promise I will continue trying to do
The best I can
Every moment I'm with you
I feel faithful and true
Grateful and forgiven
But the devil's work on me
Keeps me up at night so livid

Like crinkled paper
Shoved into my eyelids
Asleep and awake
Dysphoric demonic dreaming
My bones unhinging
As my muscles stretch
With sounds of ropes ripping
If I were to tie a noose for my neck
Is that the sound I'd hear when stepping
Gracefully off the deck
Plummeting into a sea of galaxies and hells
Would I watch over the world I once knew?
Until the time comes for me to settle into
Both or one or the other
The burning roots or the flowing leaves
My flesh impaled or allowed to breathe
To drink golden stench or spit fruit seeds
To wish for solitude or company
Be Agonized repeatedly or live ecstatically
In a pit of ebony flames
Or in a bath of light rays
To be punished in hell
or sent to heaven for praise?

Within my mind are heavy thoughts,
They do not let me feel at ease.
Everything i'd failed to do
Is coming back to haunt me.

Body withered and my mind
Is trapped awaiting for relief -
Heavy duty machines above
Will serve as bridge to a new life for me.

Heavy brain is in the skull,
Drinking blood that flows in veins,
The blood is pumped by a heavy heart -
A heavy heart is all that's left of me.

LONG WAITED ΣXTRACTION OF BRAIN IS COMMENCING,
Heavy heart has been put to rest.
As narcotics put me to sleep i imagine
What future holds for me.

What was it that made me who i had thought i was?
Which parts of self will be put to rest?
After-****** life may just show me the secrets of who I am.
Is life within a machine equivalent to death?

Vivid images i had not seen
Yet imagined like they're real -
The brain is fed through metal tubes
With tar-like liquid that flows within,
The brain is speared by electric spikes -
They cut their way through every part of it.

THE DREAM STATE DISRUPTED BY A HEAVY DESTRUCTIVE SHOCK,
What are these sings i'm receiving? I can't make sense at all.
The feeling of dread is suppressed by machinery, i don't even feel any pain.
Yet heavy thoughts haven't gone away.
More than ever before i am wondering if a choice i had made was correct -
Eternal existence without a future or hopes and no right to be welcomed by death.