There is a pain so intense no one can bare it
not the strongest or the bravest
this is the pain of being in love

the perfect agony
the painful ecstasy

it is not the affliction of love
love does not burn so much
the love for friend of family
does not reduce people to their knees

this is the agony of ‘in love’
the first glimpse
the first touch
before you see they are also human...

midnight whisperings say
'i'll take care of you'
yet morning words declare
'i don't need you'.

you hold me so gently
like a new set of china—
yet pour inside me
hot, scalding, tea.

I inflict pain on myself and others
Ruining relationships is a habit
No self confidence
Anxiety and depression are to blame

Putting blame on something other than you is wrong
No one understands something unless they live it

My heart is constantly shattered
My mind is burnt out
My body grows tired
I am weak

Why was I given a mental illness?
Why can't I be normal?
What is wrong with me?
Will I ever be good enough?

There are questions I ask myself daily.

c.m.l.

Staring at you through a glass of
My self-inflicted barrier of thought
No matter what I say or do the
Message isn’t getting through

“Darling can’t you sense the pain of
  cuts upon your blood-soaked hands as
  you’re trying to assemble the pieces of
                            my shattered heart....”

Lips upon my tear-soaked eyes
As we spend our final night
Knowing that your tenet won’t come true
As I watch you struggle through affliction

“How can you try to mend it in the dark,
         specially when someone else has        
                     stolen some of it’s parts...”

Place the day
Shredded paper soil pours the rose composed for those with better things to grow into the air
Smokey silhouettes dressed in regret pressed against the echoes of its flare
Sparing the nights received stares of ambivalence
A sentence spun to run on too long
In a song with too many notes
broken in a sense few would know how to sense
or think to try
To vai through ethereal rope for ways to cope
with another day of smoke
Just wait and choke
Consider the ways it broke
Deliver another craven joke
Then slither away at once and pray the planted stems response
is the one we'd hoped it would evoke

But we haven't spoken have we
Coughed a sick joke and no ones laughing
Are you happy
Free from a tether whether we were ready or not
Lock step in a crowd head down
Feathers in a knot
Trapped me in apathy
Had to be hard
And I'm sad that I'm happy
Playing the part

Place the night
Over a lifetime of work and lurch
When the dirt under your nails edges into pale skin
Sickening little scratches tapping rickety veins placing marks to track the pain on a line this thin
An addiction.
Affliction born from your own choices
sworn to poison from the inside out beginning to end.
Send the sin from your nerves with urgency
turbulent little displacements of adjacency
And graciousness erase us
As we face and feed the fire
With emaciated traces rehearsed  when we preach to choirs.
Indecent liars
destined for and inspired by greatness swooning under the weight between each action
feeling dire chasms open
soon after the broken reflections of our spoons feel the heat from lighters

There are certain words...
Like, depression
Cancer
That become the mascot
For their particular affliction
An all encompassing bubble,
Hepatoma,
Doesn’t mean much
But liver cancer, now that’s a whole nother matter

Just simply using the word
Gives rise to panic.         Anxiety
It makes sense,
That non experts can’t know every type of
Illness or mental disorder out there
So they associate it with a mascot

But,
It’s all the unessesary hype
And fear
The baggage that comes with it
Not as many, knew about zeka
But Ebola?
That was all over the news
Despite being far less of a threat
Simply because,
It became the mascot