First the diagnosis
Then the prognosis
Indeed it is cirrhosis

Alongside the cancer
Is the answer
They will no longer be a dancer

First comes shock
At no longer being a chip off the old block
Wanting to throw a rock

It just can’t be they are too young
Why has it spread to the lung
Will these be the last words rung

I want to ring its neck
But we need all hands on deck
So emotions are kept in check

Then sadness comes along
Oh this is so wrong
They want us to be strong

All leading to depression
And many a session
Even a confession

Can’t they be given another chance
Couldn’t there be a different circumstance
But in the end we all end up at acceptance

The five stages of grief
In a brief
Poem is my belief

Andreas Simic ©

I would take pictures
of myself on facebook but I would rarely ever wear a smile.


I would not take selfies not for attention and not for love from any love else.


They were just daily reminders  and the cruel reality was that I have always hated the way I looked.


I obsessed over my weight and thought if I did look skinnier that I would look great.

A  few times in my life I had to face my inner battle head on
it has won me an few times in my life.


At certain points in my life I rejected eating and enjoying my food.

All the fat comments took my joy of eating away, they were  
so vile and rude.

Being shouted at in the street and called the fat loser.  

In this period of my life I had an year of self hatered and defeat.

The eating issue was hard to beat.  
I would get triggered
if anyone mentioned anything relating to my weight if it was just another joke.


The echo of the rude comments
would stand out in my brain
repeating the same rude line.
"Your a fat loser"

Even when people in my family
said I was looking fine and were more concerned about my health.

The voice in my head would keep shouting that these are all lies.

I said to people around me
please do not keep mentioning
about my weight and just talk
about other topics.

Dont keep feeding the hate that is already there when there are plenty of things out than just talking about my weight.


It only magnifies the issue of the ED
and this makes it tougher to fight inside my mind.

I have accepted my ED and dealt
with some of my inner pain
that is only half the battle, in my own head I must learn to accept and love my body, be happier and eat more regularly without feeling any dread, guilt and remorse.


Love my self, ignore the haters and horrible cruel comments that have always stood out in my mind.

The comments and thoughts
are always going to be there
but I now I know I really dont care as much about this  
and to not let it control my life.


The rude people in the street
might have won the battle at the time
for a short while
but they never won the whole war over me.

I have choose now to accept my fate, eat again and be more health. Learning to love myself again and that is the final score.

the dog
resting peacefully
in his crate
is content
with being
shut in;
essentially
        trapped
only permitted freedom              
at the behest
of another

there was not always
such serenity
behind these bars;
there was howling
                  gnashing
                  whining

cag­ed like that
could not have been
further
from finding comfort

there were rewards
on occasions
though it was unclear
just why
these were offered
and when
the next might appear

with time
it became easier
to simply accept
the limitation
and wait
unenthusiastically
for the next
moment of joy
to come around

however long
that
     might
               be

Come, sit beside me
Grab a chair, a stool, a couch
Bring coffee and conversation
we’ll slump, chill and slouch
It matters not on where you sit
nor on, where you stand as well
As long as you come in peace
with things to share and tell
It’s of little concern what you look like
or the accent that you leak
as long as you make a good coffee
and we listen when each speak
on a matter of personal opinion
maybe another point of view
So let’s enjoy each others perspective
and feel free to express them too

Close your eyes
inhale the space
embrace the moment
in the dark
we fade

I can break in and find another place
among company where you feel free
yet strangers become foe or friend
or an unwelcome guest with a key
I can manipulate my way into a heart
or force the love of someone else
but I don’t think I’d feel I ever belong
If I cannot first live with myself

He called me beautiful.
He called me strong.
He examined the scars on my heart and deemed them a worthy part of me.

When I learned to stand again,
I swore to walk on my own.
Now he promises to stand at my side and
Go wherever I may go.
Build a life with me.

What have I done to deserve this?
This kindness you offer asks no retribution.