I fell once again today,
I watched as my hands bled,
I stared and watched,
As the red lines ran free.

I fell.
With ribs so bruised,
That every breath was pain,
My heart irregular,
And tears on my face.

I fell.
My feelings are hurt,
By the words you said to me,
I craved your heart,
And you just broke mine.

I fell.
I did what I shouldn't,
And now we both feel bad,
I loved you much,
And you loved her more.

I fell.
What can we expect,
From the ever-dizzy girl?
I fell for you,
And you let me fall.

It hurt to smile, her stitches were too tight. Drinking her feelings away, she reaches for a Camel Light.
Scarred beyond recognition, she silently sits in waiting.
An agreement with the devil, alone sitting shaking.
Longing to be gone but the dead cannot die.
They creep in the corners and find a way inside.
Nestled in her chest where her heart used to be,
Lie fragmented dreams of the girl she should be.
Old toys left forgotten, now residing in the back of her mind.
There's nothing left for her so she breaks down and she cries.
Family abandoned, friends never there
She's the girl in grunge pictures with the molten blue hair.
Always a mystery with a rough exterior
Scars like tattoos of feeling inferior.
She's boarded up and let's no one in,
No place to call her own, her home is her skin.
You look at her bold beauty and think
why can't that be me
But she would trade all that and more if
**she could be free

I flaunt my heart out on display,
Like a piece of fine jewelry,
Worn for all the world to see.

My heart is now worn on my sleeve,
No longer held close to my chest,
Kept far from the feelings I hold.

I now hold my heart at arm's length,
Seemingly held out for the taking,
But I just don't want it near me.

You take my cold heart from my hand,
And hold it gently in your hands,
Attempt to heal the past abuse to it.

My heart warms up so slowly to you,
Picking up speed as it's held close,
Till it's burning fire once again.

The heart begins to burn your hand,
And you won't stand the pain for me,
You let it go and run away from it.

I watch you run and watch my heart fall,
It hits the ground before you're gone,
It falters and stops, and yet you do not.

I bend down and pick up my heart,
Feeling it cool down in its death.
I replace it on my sleeve and forget.

Tegen beter weten in vergeten
*** de zon haar schaduw werpt
Op paden die zich uitrollen
Als verwachtingsvolle mijnenvelden
Genietend van het onheil
Dat nadert als je erom lacht
Verstandige adviezen sla je
In de wind die door je haren waait

Against better judgment, I forget
How the sun casts her shadow
On roads that unroll themselves
As minefields full of expectation
I find my pleasure in disaster that
Draws near when I laugh at it
Blowing caution to the wind
Of change behind me

Underneath the maple tree
I drew my last breath.
No longer a child,
My courage has fleeted,
Bravery abandoned.
I can no longer hide
As the flaming leaves
Cover placid skin.
Colder I grow
As I fall away to dust.

                                                          ­                     *There are worse ways to die
                                                             ­                        Than being devoured by
                                                              ­                                     The maple tree.

Its funny
I just change the way people call me
As a fresh start
A fresh beginning
But it's true it won't change my past
I don't care anymore
Or at least that's what I'm trying

i had a friend once,
and she taught me
not to say "i love you too,"
because it sounds false and inauthentic,
and little white lies are worse than the cold, hard
truth.

i had a friend once,
and she taught me
that you don't have to do anything;
it's simply a matter of whether you should
or shouldn't.

i had a friend once,
and she lived in a small, boring town
with small boring people.

i had a friend once,
and she was not a small, boring person.

i had a friend once,
and she hated herself,
every last inch of her,
but she still always knew
how to make me smile.

i had a friend once,
and she would always reference books
or music
or movies,
because to her,
the real world just wasn't as appealing.

i had a friend once,
and i left her.

she stayed.

she waited.

i'm sure her hope wavered at times,
but she waited still.

and i came back,
only to leave again.

she didn't stick around this time, though.

so, you see,
i had a friend once,
and she taught me
to think deeply,
to live freely,
and to love truly.

i had a friend once.

she's gone now.

(a.m.)