Push back black bath of sleep; I have these 3 am shakes. I hear the water skin moving in the next room, drops of cotton coil to cold leg, & salt lamp cracks on, pink broadcast against the hour. Dreams retreat on the board; the moon swims in the frost. Where are you?
After 3 a.m, some couple of beers, maybe way more After some sick cloud of sad thoughts, After all the alcohol and other addictions, After all the candles have been melted, After I've digged every possible hole, After I've smoked every cigarette till their smelly tips, After you don't text me, no more Seems so easy to be after someone else, some new text, Some new threatning, some new dating site.
The fear of loneliness weighs heavily on my very existence. The fear of being alone with my thoughts Sends chills to my muscles and bones. I don't want to be alone with them, because I don't know where they'll take me. They'll take me far away. Far enough to get lost and never come back
Is this what they call death? Still being awake at three in the morning with short, heavy heart beats that you could almost feel your chest sink? With your mind still completely awake and a burst of thoughts suddenly come through it like wildfire, leaving you overwhelmed with emotions that you can't even tell apart? Trust me when I say I've tried shutting it off--- my mind and all the madness that it goes through, but somehow, the more I try to suppress it, the more I feel alive. I feel like dying, but at the same time it's what is keeping me alive.