I've been waiting
and hoping
so patiently;
but my time is running out,
and my skin is starting to wrinkle,
and my heartbeat is starting to slow,
and my lips are starting to crack
from being without another pair to caress mine tenderly in so long.
I've been waiting for a someone to come save me;
but I never realized that sometimes you have
to be
your
own
hero.

For sometime now I have just been watching everything you do
Just observing attempting to understand this feeling that pumps from my heart and conquers my brain
These images of you and I doing these events that seem so unrealistic
Us smiling together as one having the time of our lives
But that is only in my mind...
In reality the truth is a guy like I could never get a gal like you
It just goes against the order of humanity
You see I am at the bottom of food chain,
While you lay at the top basking in the glory
Yet still I take my binoculares just to look into your star like eyes that illuminates in the night sky
Once again beginning to day dream about driving off recklessly into the sunset with you in my arms
Giving you every bit of attention you deserve or shall I say in the word of the Great Albert Einstein
"A man who drives safely while kissing a beautiful girl isn't giving the girl the attention she deserves"
And you deserve it all
Every bit of it that a true man could possibly offer
So as I watch from a distance I hope to see a guy who can give you all his heart
Though I'd prefer you to be with the guy who wrote his heart

from dusk to dawn
I have lied awake next to you.

listening to your even breathes,
wondering what you were dreaming of.

I long to fall asleep next to you,
but seeing the man, who changed my life so much and so quickly,
in such a peaceful state of mind
is far greater
than dreaming of lying next to you.

the warmth of your skin touching mine
is far more enticing
than lying all alone
in my cold, dark room.


an epiphany has arose in my mind;
the sun is rising,
my lover is fast asleep,
and I'm laying in bed
indulging it all in.

life is a miraculous and beautiful,
thing.
and this moment right now
just proves to me that
everyone is apart of someone before we are even created;
and my oh my
I hope I've found the missing piece
to my puzzle of a life.

I yearn to feel complete,
whole,
and full.
For so long I have felt
empty,
weak,
and vulnerable.
I'm sick of this
disease.
I'm tired of this
tortuous thing that I have
so unluckily
recieved.
I'm done with trying to fight it;
for I am the champion of my mind.
Victory shall be mine;
forever and always
I
will
reign.

"Always become the one being hurt
Rather than ever hurting another"
Words I have strived to live by
The philosophy left by my mother

I've always tried to live my life
Standing up for what is right
Helping others no matter the cost
Being everyone's shining knight

What a horrible way to live

Even when I was on the verge of breaking
Even when the burden seemed too large
I always took it onto myself
And it was always free of charge

They all need to pay

But lately there is this voice
Echoing from the back of my mind
That is always fighting to take over
It wants to punish the unkind

Maybe I don't want to forgive

Tell me who is that inside me
Those thoughts can't be my own
Even when there's no one around
Somehow I am not alone

Just let me come out and play

I'm trying to keep it at bay
Am I past the point of no return?
I JUST WANT THE VOICE TO GO AWAY
But.... *Now....it's my turn

when I feel the sensations
of words starting to make sense
in my mind;
this is when I feel high.
writing is my drug of choice.
it fufills my needs
and makes me feel "okay".
to keep the feelings trapped inside
my silenced mouth
and speeding mind
is like when a drug addict
comes down from the high.
it makes me feel
weak
numb
and uncontrollable.
I am nothing without a pencil
and paper;
I was destined for greater.
and greater
I shall become.

the mirror that whispers,
the mirror that shouts,
words of hate
and torture
and spout.
the lies it speaks
are of disgust.
the thoughts it creates
turns 'should stop eating'
to a 'must'.
the mirrors lies are tempting
to try,
but a forewarning ;
the lies will control you,
and they will eat you alive.