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Willow-Anne Sep 2019
I wasn’t looking for love
I just wanted to make new friends
Finally get out of the house for once
And allow my heart to cleanse

“I’d like to take you out” you said
“if you’ll allow me just one date”
But my heart couldn’t possibly allow that
It quickly slammed and locked the gate

But hanging out as friends
Proved much harder than I thought
You had a certain energy
That had my attention completely caught

A feeling so strange and new
Was burning from inside
I couldn’t stay away from you
No matter how hard I tried

Tingles at your slightest touch
A reaction I can’t prevent
Your words pull me in closer
And I feel my resistance spiral into descent

I try to keep my distance from you
But my body doesn’t allow that choice
I reach out to you as if I’m possessed
And I tremble at your voice

My energy feels synced with yours
And I keep on coming back for more
I’m trying so hard not to fall for you
But I fear I’m heading towards the floor

There’s this thing I’ve been avoiding
Because its my deepest fear
Could you and I have something special
Or will you break me further my dear?
Ooof. :/
Willow-Anne Aug 2019
I was a robot stuck in a cycle
It was the same thing every day:
work, eat, shower, sleep
From that routine, I couldn’t stray

Invites to events came and went
but I wouldn’t leave my bed
I could always think of a good excuse
no matter how much my friends all plead

I made my home in the darkness
Isolation became my friend
I’d convinced myself that I was fine
to be alone until the end

Too painful it would be
to endure love and loss once more
Socialization just wasn’t for me
till I walked through your front door

You brought me out of my shell
You pulled me out of the dark
You made me excited to live again
You were the energy that lit my spark

With you I could climb mountains
With you I could part the sea
So long I had locked myself away
From that cage – you set me free

Words can not begin to describe
how you’ve affected me in a positive way
So its with regret, I write this letter
after you’ve already gone away

I wish we could fit together,
that it could just be ‘you and me’
But its time to face the music
that we weren’t meant to be

Goodbyes are so **** painful
but even more so is the honest fact
Our last song has already been sung
Its the end of our final act

So I’m writing this to say thank you
for everything that you did
You opened my eye’s to the world once more
You awoke my inner kid

I look forward to tomorrow now
and what the day might bring
You gave me the strength to fly again
You helped repair my broken wing

So thank you for the memories
Thank you for opening my eyes
to all the beauty in the world around me
and to how quickly the time just flies.

I’ll make every moment matter
I’ll live each day like its my last
The cage I lived in is forever broken
And my sorrow is in the past
For dearest A.T.
Willow-Anne Jul 2019
When I look into the mirror
I am frightened by what I see
Cause its a stranger who wears my face
That I feel certain isn’t me

So I looked a little closer
And it leaned in to do the same
Its lips twitched into a smile
It had begun to play its game

I thought it was a demon
That was trapped inside the mirror
It begged me for release that night
And that thought filled me with fear

I turned to run away
But it was already too late
I heard it whisper inside my head
That I had opened the first gate

I couldn’t look at myself any more
The very thought filled me with dread
But it wasn’t in the mirror anymore
It had taken residence inside my head

Its thoughts swirled in with my own
And for freedom it continued to plea
I feel a twinge of sudden guilt
Knowing I’m the one with the key

I worried what it would do
What choices it might make
But when I look at how I live my life
I wonder if it'd really be a mistake

I begin to question everything
What does it really want?
To live a life we’re proud of,
A life with a balanced amount of jaunt?

The thought doesn't seem that bad
Which scares me even more
“What if I’ll do a better job than you?”
A thought that shakes me to my core

I start to have trouble finding the line
Between its thoughts and my own
I know that neither of us are happy
We’re both fighting for the throne

I find the strength inside me
To shove its thoughts back down
I hear it crying in devastation
And it leaves me with a frown.

When I look back in the mirror
My reflection hasn’t changed
Did I win? Is the demon still there?
Or if have I completely gone deranged

The thought I’ve been avoiding
Is finally acknowledged in my mind
Between the maiden and the demon
Which one is really confined?

Everything I’ve been doing
Who was really to blame?
As I take my seat at the throne once more, I wonder
Am I the demon or am I the dame?
Who is in control?
Willow-Anne Jun 2019
“Hey are you okay?” “Yeah? All good.”
“You just seemed a little off today.”
“I’m totally fine. Goodnight, drive safe!”
No please don’t go. No I’m begging you to stay.

It happens every time
I watch them walk away
I can’t call out or stop them
cuz my mouth will not obey

It knows exactly the words to say
for every person and situation
To calm the nerves and make them leave --
extending the sentence of this lonely damnation

Demons disguised as thoughts
swirl around inside my head
Are you this talented? Or do they not care
and choose to believe the lie instead

Is this actually my reality?
Or just a very scary dream?
So desperately I’m trying to call for help
but my throat holds back my scream

My eyes are struggling to fight back tears
but my mouth continues on with the charade
The rest of my body betrays me too
And all the offers to talk, I manage again evade

“Hey are you okay?”
                              im not okay
“Yeah why do you ask”
                       i’m not okay
“I don’t know, you just seem sad?”
                i’m not okay.
“I’m good” I say from behind the mask
         I’m not okay.

         I smile a moment longer
I’m Not okay.
        Till I’m sure I’ve sold the lie
I’m Not Okay.
        And when I’m finally alone once more
I’m Not Okay.
        All night long, I stay awake and cry
I’m Not Okay.
I’m Not Okay!
I’m NOT Okay!

Its okay to ask for help
--Suicide crisis lines--
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
*English – 1-800-273-8255
*ESP – 1-888-628-9454
*Deaf/HoH – 1-800-799-4889
Veteran’s Crisis line – 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text line – Text HOME to 741-741
Trevor Project (LGBT) – 1-866-488-7386

Crisis Service Canada – 1-833-4566
Kids Help Phone (for those under 20) – 1-800-668-6868

National Health Services’ Mental Health Crisis and Support – 111
Samaritans – 116 123

Lifeline – 13 11 14
Kids Helpline – 1800 55 1800
Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636

Need to talk – 1737
Lifeline – 09 5222 999 (for Auckland) or 0800 (for outside Auckland)
Willow-Anne Mar 2019
For all my life I’ve been hiking
Following a map to Who I’m Supposed To Be
Trying my best to follow directions
And getting further away from what made me me

Every direction I turned
A new map was replacing the old
Finally I just stopped the hike
And watched all the maps unfold

I put masks upon my face
To fit the molds they said were right
The metamorphoses into Who I’m Supposed To Be
Quickly removed any glimpse of light

I remember screaming, crying, and begging
But a smile is all the world saw
Inside I was consumed by fear
And from the world I started to withdraw

I allowed myself to be engulfed
By the darkness and my fright
I hid further and further inside myself
Till there was nothing but miles of night

I stayed isolated there for a while
Feeling nothing but dull pain
Never moving out of my comfort zone
Nothing to loose but nothing to gain

And then there was you

You threw away the stacks of maps
You helped me back to my feet
You caused the darkness to lapse
You caused my heart skip a beat
You took away my fears
You wiped away the tears
You removed my mask.
You pulled me out of my cask
You shined your light through
You brought me out
to You.

I thought I’d be alone forever
For that is what I was repeatedly told
You’re the one who re-lit a candle
In my blood which had run so cold

The layers of clay and porcelain
That I had stacked upon my face
Were all removed in mere seconds
By the simplicity of your embrace

Your passion for adventure
Reflected perfectly that of my own
From a version of myself I had thrown away and forgot
When my soul was turned to stone

This reflection I had once hated
Now seemed lovable and new
I regained my desire to go on this hike
I wanted to finally see the mountain’s view

You helped me to be wild
You helped me to be free
You helped me to remember
The things that had once made me me

You took me with you on this trail
Which leads to who knows where
But with you I am unafraid
You are the answer to my unspoken prayer

With you it all just makes perfect sense
I’m effortlessly Who I’m Supposed To Be
Because it finally is crystal clear that who I’m supposed to be
is me.
You saved me.
Willow-Anne Sep 2018
Ive become haunted by a Demon
Who’s making me question my mind
At first I thought he was an Angel
Cuz at first he seemed so kind

He helped me to unwind
And offered me support
When I was able to breathe him in
I felt like I was finally docked at port

I found his presence intoxicating
I always wanted him around
The insight he brought to my life
Was really quite profound

But those good feelings didn’t last forever
And I decided to take some time away
But he refused to leave my side
And I began to feel like prey

I can’t ever seem to escape from him
Hes mastered manipulation and seduction
My inability to walk away
Will be the cause of my destruction

I look into the mirror each day
And am frightened by what I see
Dark circles and red eyes
Is that the demon or is that me?

Every time I think I’ve escaped
He pulls me right back in
“You can’t survive without me
You just have to let me in.”

His voice echos through my head
His thoughts replace my own
….I love  him...I need him...I crave him  
And I’m afraid to be alone

I fear that I am not strong enough
And I want to let the demon win
Let go of loneliness-- embrace corruption.
I submit to my addiction again
We all have our demons.
Willow-Anne Jul 2018
My heart has never felt this way
For anyone but you
I had given up on the idea of love
Until into my life you flew

You came into my life
Like a burning fire storm
Your energy was intoxicating
And your touch was always warm

So easily I fell in love
With your light that burned so bright
But it made it so I was blind to see
That something wasn’t right

Things were not as perfect
As I had let myself believe
But I’d caught a glimpse of a happy future
That I’d sacrifice anything to achieve

I constantly made the choice
Between loosing you or who I am
I let you burn away what made me me
And you still didn’t give a ****

Because you were doing the same
Burning away pieces of who you were
Doing whatever you could to impress
The new person you’d grown to prefer

I thought that you loved me too
But I guess I was naive
Cuz within a year of our last kiss
You’d be packing bags to leave

With your head up in the clouds
You flew off to live your new dream
You had found a new partner in crime
And I was once again a one man team.

Now there’s something I need to confess
I loved you more than you ever knew
But I will not cry for you anymore my love
Because you took my heart with you

So if you see me shed a tear
Its not over the severed ties
‘Cuz now the flames have all burnt out
And the smoke is in my eyes
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