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Suzanne Penn Dec 2013
I truly have
a love...hate...
relationship

between
believing...
what I know
and...
knowing
what I believe...

Symbiotic...
and toxic...
It's a detailed.
enigma...

My curse...
My passion...
an ever present pull...
with stubborn intent
often directly opposed
To the path
which I am on...

When I was much younger
I developed a systemic
and purposeful mission
to design the person
I was to become

I had carefully weighed...
tested and mapped out
my "edges"
finally setteling on
habits, personalities
and a type of lifestyle...
this allows me
a precarious balance...
between honor, appearances
and fair exchange ..
friendship, acceptance and fun...

Something rare
during my colorful  
and...
then recent
childhood...

Like I said...
young...
and well...

Once I found my path...
I stubbornly believed...
That no others...
existed...for me

Really young...
...hee hee hee

As we all know...
life happens ...

...and I rolled
and flowed...
and always seed to manage

But I didn't bloom...
I just became really good
at being me.

Just missing...
a really good second...
again
waiting...to become...
Suzanne Penn Oct 2013
Everyone...
needs a place to belong
something, or somewhere
That is uniquely
there own...

Safety...
after a hard day
where the world
is simply
not allowed...

Surrounded...
with familiar objects
and their own
sense of style...

There's something
very comforting
in knowing ...
nothing is expected
right now...

There are some...
that have never known
anything but...
and snub their nose
at the importance...

Taking for granted...
their sense of belonging
and the comfort...
that comes
when one is at ease...

Others...
take their space
wherever they can find it...
Solace...
on a stoop or a curb...

It's a modern tragedy...
that this need
is taken for granted
or worse...
over priced
out of greed...

Everyone needs ...
to feel like they belong
to reset and gather
to relax and restore
peace...
Suzanne Penn Jun 2014
There exists
such a distorted need
to be inflexible and stagnant
Not allowing change...
Dangerously
Coming close to becoming
a "caricature of our former glorious selves"

How sad...
that it happens…
but even worse …
that it still does not
ignite change.

It must be agonizing
To be driven by the fear
of appearing weak
or too radical
or loosing  perceived powers
or social placements.

Suffering through spiritual implosion
dreading condescension
or rejection.
By peers
let alone
From a creator
That they barely believe in…

I wish there was
really
something I could do
to help.
Suzanne Penn May 2013
I crave...
your voice
and the intimacy
that your words....
when spoken softly
bring to me

I crave
your touch
and the security
that engulfs me
whenever you hold me

I crave...
being "part of"
and the  feeling I get
when you tell the world
that I'm yours

I crave...
the release
that overcomes me
when I'm unsure
and your presence
envelops me

I crave...
your taste
when your glows
and I can see the love
in your eyes
Suzanne Penn Sep 2014
The concept of enough
had been buzzing
around my head lately.
Who is enough? What is enough?
Where is enough?
When is enough….well…enough?
I puzzled indirectly, wondering…asking
…scheming … pleading …demanding ….enough
Enough time? Enough love?
Enough money? Enough Beer?
Well enough…never is.  
There is NEVER enough!  
Enough said!
Suzanne Penn Mar 2015
I can feel the changes...
all around me.
Subtle in some,
drastic in others
...but none are left untouched.

I am kicking and screaming,
attempting to hold on to
... ghosts...
of those that once were
my foundation.

Even the closest...
Have unfamiliar sides emerging.
How silly of me....
to refuse to move too.
How arrogant,
to believe
that I would not be left behind
or made a fool
by holding on...

I am uncomfortable...
floating randomly...,
with no purpose...,
no destination...,
no sense of "home"
Suzanne Penn Dec 2013
I too...
wake up sometimes
longing to touch you
to taste
tease
tempt
and excite you
I want to wake you up
with soft lingering kisses
and tender rhythmic touches
I want to slide my tongue
deeply within you
playfully persistent
until your back arches
and your breath catches
I want your spirit to soar...
before your eyes
are even open
I want to give to you
the passion
joy and love
that you have hungered for...
I want you
to begin each day...
fulfilled.
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
Hot candy...
my first thought
as my eyes opened...
her scent engulfed me
I drew it in
and felt her
capture me.
Suzanne Penn Jun 2013
Creating beauty
where there once was nothing
finding uses
for what was once discarded
applying the same concepts
to different scenarios
appreciating
what could be
what was once un -thought of
allowing my head to wander
and my soul to land
This and much more....
is what I do...
I am an artist.
Suzanne Penn Dec 2012
I believe
in magical beings
in soulful wishes
and mystical things

I believe
that love heals all
that it's never too late
and beauty's deep in us all

I believe
in second chances
in lasting romance
and knowing glances

I believed
long before we met ...
in you.

-Suzanne Penn
Suzanne Penn Jun 2014
Take care
of your own NEEDS...
leave the WANTS
to those ...who are trying
to lay some kind of claim....
that way,
even if it doesn't work out...
you're OK.

Trust only
in yourself,
any one else
Earns...
theirs in DEGREES,
slowly,
period.

Believe...
that you are fabulous,
larger than life!..
those around you
will too

And honey,
just know...
that you scare
the hell out of ANYONE...
who is in any way
insecure,
or
not comfortable
in their own skin.

Be your awesome self
and take care of
you and yours.
Don't filter your opinions
Don't edit
your reactions
you just keep being YOU..

The more confident
and secure
your are with yourself...
the more secure and confident
the people that are attracted
to you will be....

When it comes to love...
ALWAYS,
close your eyes,
and find someone
to love your soul...
Someone who...
looks at you
with love in their eyes.
Someone who...
makes you feel good
about yourself

Look for those who
SHOW you,
instead of...
TELL you....
about who and what
they are ...

You have a friends
watching and caring
that you have never even noticed
or thought about...
look to the ones
who don't
rush to ....
jump in to the drama,
that have been
in the background,,,
supporting, laughing
always there

...be loyal to those
who are loyal to you

Do the next right thing
no matter if
no one is looking.
Repeatedly.

When giving advice...
always quote
an insightful poet
or a simple child

Look past reasons
through excuses
beyond emotions
to motives....
and rewards...
to be found
on both sides.

If you can do...
half of these
your Life...
will just be better...
and you shall have
accomplished more
than most
shall ever hope to.
This whole piece was actually written to a friend as a comment on her down-trodden facebook status... turns out to be not too bad in this form too!
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
I miss...
missing you
chasing you
wishing for you
to wish for me.

I miss...
excitedly telling you
who I am
and who I wish to be.

I miss...
not knowing
when I would see you
hold you
exhale your breath.

I love us now...
don't misunderstand...
but the anticipation
and the adventure
at times get over-powered
by the day.

I miss...
our breathless
creativity
and the almost violent need
to be close.
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
When you get close to me...
I feel you
physically.
long before we touch.

There are times when...
our rhythms sync
and throb
unintentionally.

Your intense closeness...
staggers me
draws me
entrances me
"with your eyes"

We just...
fit together.
Very Nicely...
you feel like home.
Suzanne Penn Sep 2013
I am softly treading...
on newly sown soil
where the seeds I've planted
are just starting to grow

I'm quietly listening...
to dreams that are awakening
letting me know
I have so much to do...

I'm carefully watching...
my intentions unfold
yesterday's hopes, desire, beliefs
are now
tomorrows realities...
I'm gleefully gathering...
all the tools That I will use
to build my life anew
and finally discover
my true self...

I'm whispering to myself...
affirmations and intents
re-taping my inner voice
finally becoming
my own best friend...
Suzanne Penn Sep 2014
That tragic moment
when I finally settle down
and realize...
I am upset over the idea
of our relationship ending...
rather than the suffocation  of it.
We both had become
tired and lazy
and selfish with our
understanding
and withholding...everything
resenting...everything
It had been way too long...
since we kissed...
circumstances...
were extraordinarily difficult
from the very beginning...
never really letting up for very long
and they took a heavy toll...
eventually we each
spun inward
unable to communicate
without offences.
So...
We each began letting go
insecurities ran rampant
it became too hard too hold on
so we let go...
a little bit at a time
first, of our desire
then
our ability to believe.
..in Us
and  what we had
was special to be real.
No one got what they wanted
No one is solely to blame
To  me...
that is the true tragedy..
what we could have...
should have been
That is where
my true sadness lies.
jammed between
the should haves and could haves
I hope we each
find our comforts.
I wished SO much...
Believed so hard...
That someday I would find you...
That when I did
I didn't see all the cracks...
Now it seems
the search begins again...
I am left to find
someone like you.
Suzanne Penn May 2013
I want to be
comfortable
In my home
in my work
in my relationships

I want to
crave
indulge
share
and be sated

I want
passion
joy
and abundance
surrounding me

I want a life
worthy saving
worth sharing
worth passing down
to others
Suzanne Penn Jul 2014
Trade me...
lives...
Let me see
how ...'simple "
it is...
  to persevere...
when you are
the scapegoat...
work mule...
invisible...
until
what you haven't done done
becomes noticed'

Trade me...
bodies...
navigate the world
from a distinctly
different
perspective...
the receiving end...
of the invisible 85%
who rarely
get a second glance...
Let alone
a golden chance.

Go ahead...
walk the tightrope...
with two left shoes...
stretch your tolerances...
but you're working without a net
and no
there are "volunteers"
falling all over themselves
just to
  be the one ...

Don't bother
with your opinion
it is now
inconsequential.

As too...
are you.

I think
you'll find...
no seats saved;
no "extra" tickets;
your sentences will start
trailing off...
as you realize that
no one is listening.

I liken it
to the sounds of your car...
each sound
comforting and familiar...
you know exactly
how hard
you can push it....

...The same curves,
always handle differently,
in an unfamiliar
downgraded vehicle.

So to,
go our lives....
becoming callused
and indifferent
to the cars of others...
unless of coarse...
beep, BEEP.....VAROOM!!!!!
pretty...
Shiny....
RED!

Perhaps instead...
admiring ...
noticing...
appreciating...

There is
tremendous beauty
in watching a pro
surf the serendipitous waves...
all the while...
being charming, witty,
purposeful...
but most of all
unaided...
A gleeful grace

effortless...

Perhaps
one day....
my demolition derby
of a life...
will allow
the crossing of our paths.
And if
you still maintain
that smug
judgmental disdain
you seem
to be so proud of...
I will drop this *****
into 5th gear...
and you my pretty...
can **** my tailpipe!
There will be some who will no appreciate this piece...
Honestly, I didn't write it for them...
I wrote it for all of those
who have struggled
through all the Judgmental Disdain
of the other 15%
who feel as though
anyone could
because they did
...
Suzanne Penn Sep 2013
I'm driving myself crazy...
the tape in my head
is not my friend
and has a vile...
wicked sense of humor.

It would be easier for me...
to wreath in the ugly truth
of this whole mess...
than to listen
to the evil little voice
spouting
worst case senerios.

I am stronger
than I wish to be...
more resiliant than
is even fair,
so trust that I can handle
whatever you dish out.

What I CAN"T handle...
is my self doubt and wondering
always judging ...critisizing
re-adjusting
without really knowing
....just in case

Geese....
I'm driving myself crazy
waiting for you to let me know
what it is
that I did wrong....
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
My mother
now old
once long ago
put Miss Harper Valley PTA to shame

My mother
with a quick wit
and sharp tongue
built a reputation to keep her safe.

My mother
smoked ***
drank Blackberry Brandy
and raised three radicals alone when it just wasn't done.

My mother
looked for love
settled for security... but never for long
too high of a price.

My mother
devoured books
had an artists' soul
mixed with a black widows heart.

My mother
is trapped
between what she knows
and what she says.

My mother
is embarrassed, confused
and angry
refusing to yield as she always has.

My mother
needs me now
yet has too much pride
and doesn't want crude judgments.

My mother
taught me her best
(and worst) tricks
and I use them on her often.

My mother
is at the end of her life
keeping long promised answers
locked tightly inside her.

My mother
has never let anyone
understand her
but me.
My mother has been diagnosed with a rapid onset dementia  compounded by a series of "mini strokes". her mind is working...but her short term and a jumbled communication system....a lot.
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
I drink my wine
slowly...
playfully swishing
and enjoying the moment.

I hold the stem
casually convenient...
between middle fingers
my orchestral baton.

I make my wine
to suit both foods
and moods...
and devilishly charming
just like me.

Elegant and simple
at the same time...
value here
is determined by time spent
not money spent.
Suzanne Penn Oct 2014
"Elegance is the only beauty that never fades....  -Audrey Hepburn

I beg to differ...
there are many beauties.....
such as...
the intensely knowing glance
of someone who has known you... intrinsically...
The glance that let's you know
that there are things deep inside of you,
that have never changed.
It's the look that identifies
the links in your histories,
and that reveal your very core.
The look that says I still see you...
with acceptance and understanding...
That fleeting momentary look ...
whether seen throughout a lifetime.
... or a lifetime ago....
That look, acknowledges a basic truth of who you really are.
Acknowledges, that you are truly known...outside of yourself.
It transcends decades
and inspires
both fear and awe in me....
and I think that is beautiful!
What about you?
What moments do you live for?
What is your "never fading beauty?"
Suzanne Penn Sep 2013
I was never..."popular"
as a kid...
or really as an adult either
for that matter...

I dance to my own music
not caring
who sees
or says....
anything

Kids and dogs
seem to like me ok
adults....well....
they don't know how to
take me....

Fine by me....
really,
I don't need the drama
nor want the waste of
my time

However....
recently....I seem to be....
"cutting edge"
"mainstream"
dare I say it....
"popular"
!!!!!!!!!

Apparently...
brutal honesty
and un-apologetic
bottom line acessments
are somehow
all the rage!
Go Figure!

So now I am forced to play "hostess"
and be wise
and hurl enchanted
mantras...
to any who happens along....

I am a caricature...
of what was once....
a cutting wit
and sharp tongue
....deflated...

I have become ...
"the entertainment...."
expected....
taunted...
labeled and excused
....sadly

I feel flat...
and lifeless....
a mere script....
a role....
that has been filled.
Suzanne Penn Jun 2014
Quietly...
a new future
races past my attention.
As thin as,
a liberals funding
chased by an old
and toothless past.

Slipping changes by...
in bite sized pieces
now so regularly
that some pass ...
barely tasted....
almost inhaled.

Tides of modern history
are beating
rhythmically
on ugly
worn out barriers
affecting all,
both near and far
As bright and untouchable
as the new moon.

The looming certainty of...
what now seems
inevitable.
Lingers...
not quite accepting
it's progression
and now is both...
dragging it's feet...
and  clumsily
rushing over
what's left of
ancient weights...
that lay so heavy...
so long....'

Equality and Justice
are hummed to
and called forth...
to not simply usher in
a few changes...
but navigate the floodgates
of what our world
now dare to dream of...
The last of the Boomer's
are having their say
and the idealistic. psychedelic,
poets and builders
dream through a "stoney" mist
and contemplate
next season's crops
and the affect they may have
on moral turpitude.
Finally.
Suzanne Penn Oct 2013
Polar opposites
racing toward each other
disparately aiming...
with their eyes closed

Magnetic fields
fortified and electric
****** to collide...
a melting merger

Beyond understanding
everything it is supposed to be
precariously balanced
over the last ravine of our lives

With you I know
its now or never
and there is no turning back
we are and always will be...
eachothers...

Thankfully
Suzanne Penn Nov 2013
The first hint of power
whispered through the twilight
riding the cool evening breeze.  
Lighting here
and there,
touching, tasting, searching.  

Power...
looking for a place
to call home.

The pink serpentine mist
crackled
with blue and lavender sparks
as it made its way
through the ancient grove
of Aspen trees
meandering toward the creek
Water...
always attracts life
and life generates power.
Power yawns
stretching its long limber tentacles
deep into the early morning light
The crackle of excitement
lingers...
as power slides...
forward
toward its destiny.
Suzanne Penn Feb 2015
I need to smell you...
Hold you..
Listen to you ...
With my hands
I want to **** your mind
And taste our memories..
.in my soul
I want to slap you on the ***
take the back of you hair
press any disbelief right out of you
I want to love you so hard
that I see that moment
when you totally let go...
As you stare deeply into my eyes
...and then eat chocolate.!
Suzanne Penn Jul 2014
I touch your skin
on this hot
summer night
just a finger
tracing
the lines
my tounge just tasted
misty memory
of a lust
gone wild
and a passion
now sated
my breath
calms
as the tension eases
the world
stops spinning
I love
our summer evenings
playful
and intense
stratigic
emmeshed
lingering
soulful
and
hot
Suzanne Penn Jun 2013
There is a point in life…
when you get tired of trying to fix everything…
when kindness gets mistaken for weakness
so often…
that it becomes your own fault
for letting it all continue.
Eventually, you start accepting that
you can not make everyone happy
and that no one at all
is trying to make you happy.
This is the moment…
that you reach a crossroad
and make a decision
as to which path to take.
And that decision…
made at a time of
great frustration
and relinquished dreams
can become the filter
through which
your perception of the world
and the motivations of others
will be discerned
from that point on
Choose thoughtfully…
that crossroad is
where character is born
Or
empathy dies

_Suzanne Penn__
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
So many others
over thought
and pulled apart
the threads
that are me.

You take the time
to untangle me
and leave me
smooth and content.

You became my backing
holding me pristine
for the world to see
Believing in me
without question.

You do not see me
as an adornment, a babble...
To you, my mess is
your valued
essential treasure

I can see in your eyes
our deep comfort
settled next to
a fierce passion.

The threads that are me
are worn and frayed
in some places
barely holding their own
Until the threads that are you
wove in next to me.

You saved me
in a most realistic way
now together
making
The cloth that is we.
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
Time goes…
Slowly
Day by day
Waiting for the “good stuff”

Time goes…
Quickly
Year by year
Eventually there isn't enough

Time goes…
Even if I don’t
Suzanne Penn Jun 2014
I strive to be…
a transcendent being…
armed with fearless questioning
powered by
Love and light.

A transcendent being
...is not lead by ploys
to keep the world separated.

..does not judge others
In order to feel better
about themselves.

A transcendent being
is comfortable in their own skin...
therefore …
ego and envy
are taken out of the mix...
A transcendent being
sees through fearless eyes
the beauty of the rest of the world,

A transcendent being
carries with them
their own personal joy…
excited  by possibilities and purpose
their world becomes full of adventure.

Problems do not disappear…
They simply become a challenge
Fueled by what could be
inspired by justice
distributed with integrity.


Without fears…
transcendent beings see
what is truly needed…
… a system designed with
the realities of the present
and accommodations
that are handed out justly…
distributed with intregrity.

Ushering out "should's"
And “should not’s”
Replaced with more…
fearless compassion...
and why not's.

Imagine then...
what you would change...
and  join me in striving
To be a Transcedent Being.
Suzanne Penn Dec 2012
When I am dead my dearest
sing no sad songs for me
plant tho no roses
at my head
nor shady Cypress tree
be the green grass above me
with shadow and dewdrops wet
and if tho wilt...remember
and if tho wilt...forget.
In dreaming through the twilight
that doth not rise nor set
happily
I may remember
and happily
I may forget.
Suzanne Penn May 2015
It is the times..
when there are too many thoughts
and the words
are jumbled on an exit ramp
waiting to get out
times...when words
just don;t work...
times when I need someone
who knows me well
to be there
and keep me safe
from myself
and my self destructive paterens
until I can move past it
and the words
start to trickle
and then flow
You may never know
how much I needed you
right then...
We may never know
what is it you saved me from...
but you did...
and I am thankful
and I can say so
now that words
again flow.
Suzanne Penn Jan 2013
We are each...
just learning each other
my core is shaken by
how quickly
the world stopped
and my empty soul
playfully slid around you
and settled in your eyes.

I have always believed
in the thought of you...
the reality of you however
is very articulated and exacting
you are my karma
I am your bridge.

I am slowly learning
what real love is.
I'm scared... paralyzed...
comfortable... ecstatic...
and very impatient.

We are just now
learning...Us
creating....
believing...
My inner sense of self
changed
when you became mine.
Suzanne Penn May 2014
Softly...
even here
the winds of change...
breeze through.

Destiny...
and history...
are turning...
Cogs in place.

Hell...it actually feels like
... 1968!


The Hippies
have all grow old
and are now
the voting majority.
Think about it...

They're rolling a doobie...
and affecting real change...
one organic, patchouli soaked
volunteered,
re-purposing project
after another.

The "big picture"
is simply a poster...
cut into small bite sized
puzzle pieces...
we are all skirting the edge...
still unconnected.

It is the age of...
focusing, clearly...
on purpose
and integrity.

The storm is clearing...
and insight,
has an electrical charge...
zapping us all
into action
into submission
into our future...


The message
thunders clearly...
and resonates succinctly
and justly...

Calling for us all
to...Do...
"What you CAN DO...
purposefully for-going...
whatever it is,
that you CAN"T DO"

"I AM"
becomes...
We are...

Maternal society  yearns...deeply
waiting for it's turn
not asking permission...
Just doing the next right thing...
and taking the steps
necessary...

To be seen...
far past equal...
On the edges
of unnoticed

Dropping labels
and be recognized
for what I bring to
the table...
not whom.
Written on MAY 20, 2014   ----ON THE VERY SPECIAL OCCASION OF THE OREGON SUPREME COURT OVER-TURNING THE STATE CONSTITUTIONAL AMENDMENT BANNING SAME -*** MARRIAGES.
Suzanne Penn May 2013
There are times...
when we are
so close
so intimately
in tune
that we
breath...
speak...
steal a glance
in sync...
My heaven.
There are times...
when nothing works
timing is wrong
chosen words
trigger anger
tones...
exasperate...
My Hell.
There are times...
when there is nothing
I can't say to you...
and others
when there
is nothing I CAN say
My Purgatory.
There are times...
when I doubt
everything
and everyone
my ego and anger
can throw me off coarse
I will always
come home to you....
*My Spirituality.

— The End —