December what a cruel month you can be
and so deceiving.
Tears remain hidden behind presents and bows
advent calendars are opened -
and disguise the woes.

The lonely barren trees
will cast the most magnificent of shadows
despite yearning for the warmer fruitful months
to be upon them.

His cri de coeur was not as clandestine
as he thought
and his solitude was louder than the barren trees
screaming and wailing it called to me.
There I stood
on the coldest day
and with no uncertainty of what he needed to see -
I told him:
Nor I, nor you, can be defeated by the winter months
for the most magic moments are often defined in the cold
and now we were old -
infinitely enamoured by what we had discovered.

The promise of the burning sun -
you never stop to shine,
even in
December.
Your rays are sublime
how
blinding this light,
this light of mine.
It is within me
and all of us
combined.

I picked myself up
because that was the only option left
nothing in this universe could make me feel any less
than what I truly am
and the power inside me is ever so great
so vast and undeniable
that nothing can break

You sat on my bed and told me that we needed to speak
I hadn't even finished putting on my new bed sheets
so -
I really wasn't ready to have this conversation
and I was so tired
You told me things are black and white but I just shook my head
and I told you
there are so many colours in between
but I wasn't going to paint your world for you.

I was so conscious of your conscience
like a corrupt politician
too many contrasting thoughts you were thinking
and we were now at war
too complex to resolve
too easy to dismiss
unwilling to hear any words dispersed from the others lips
every syllable missed
but I thought about what Dad would have wished.

We thought we had learnt from the past
but there was still the same rage
and it really was just another day
we were thinking with the same minds
no clear blue sky.

Mother Earth weeps
The devastation of the planet creeps
And humanity longs for peace
Everything signifies utter distress
Little remains
just hopelessness.

And the world watches as Mother Earth weeps
And the children have nowhere they can sleep
And people call this civilisation
Yes people call this civilisation

The killing and hatred of our brothers
Race, colour, creed, religion and others
This ideology is fallacious
There will be a time when we are conscious

The pain, the suffering and killing heaps
Yes my brothers this armageddon leaps
Annihilation
Our infinite trepidation
Another moment in time  
and we will
all be
gone

When the barren land is a sea of grave
The lightning bolt strikes the inner caves
And purge the core till it bleeds
no more
Humanity shall cease
forever more.

There is a group of us that like hip hop too
we smoke ****
we play blackjack
and laugh
really we're just like you.

Sorry if we are misleading,
because Rosie did say that we look just like punks
but I had my twisted mind set on being unconventional
and I didn't mean to startle you
but it's just the way I am.

Memories are on replay of listening to our favourite jams
and you asked in the morning if I wanted jam on my toast
but I just asked you to pass me the doobie -
oh, and I'll have a cuppa please
that would be a nice combination.

We had bloodshot eyes after a wild night out
I think we stayed up for two days,
and although my head was half shaved
we were just like you.

Our cliques could have mixed because really
we are all the same.

Busy man racing down the street
busy man you never notice me
but everyday we meet.

An appellation for the crowd
the sea of suits
and would I ever be their newest recruit.

Busy man won’t you take the time
to paint the skies
with the colours you saw once before
because your only actions now are ones I deplore.

Busy man please don’t be facile
we have a colourful life
and it is one you must fulfil

Why so facetious every time we speak
do you not think you appear weak -
willed to be acting like this
maybe the whole notion of you I should just dismiss.

The prosaic way you confess your feelings
honestly the jejune nature makes it feel utterly demeaning!
This lacklustre love I was not meant for
I crave something so deep
and that I am for sure.

No longer can I stand your nonchalant stance
my dear, goodbye,
I gave you your chance!

I lay my book down
and stared up at my grief,
why are you still lingering?
There had been so much loss
of love
and life
I wasn't going to repay this forward
I buried it with the rest of the memories
at least they had each other.
When you feel like I have drifted
just know that sometimes I need to find solace
in my self
and this feeling was not a reflection of you
but we are reflections of each other
mirror images
all of us -
one by one
- one.
While the universe had given me you
I would refuse to give you back.
You were the answers to the myriad of questions
and somehow I let you know
that I would never leave you behind
in any sense -
it made sense,
for our lives had already seen enough.

A thousand soldiers would not compare
To the battle I am about to share
This man fought hard and long
But in the end was too weak to be strong.
A man so loved by all he knew
A man whose love was pure and true.
The wisest man that was you
The one I could have asked anything to.
I question why you cannot be here by my side
But I guess the angels had to take you way up high
The saddest day was the day you left
You left all of our hearts bereft.
I know that you will be watching over me
And I would watch over you too if that was a possibility.
You were too good for a world like this
My dad, I love you, the one I will always miss.

All the secrets in your head
you say they're better left unsaid
but if you dared to let another know
a weight will lift and your strength will show

I would love to be able to speak to you
Do you think it could ever come true?
The only time is in my dreams
And I’m not always sure what it means.
Last night you told me to be strong
But how can I when I haven’t seen you in so long?
I wish my pain would sail away
Into the ocean far away.
I wish there was a map to guide you home
It’s been too long that you’ve been alone.
I feel alone too without you by my side
I wish I could visit you in the sky.

The cosmos how quiet you are today,
alas, you work in such mysterious ways.
Irresolute I wait outside your door,
I knock
I knock,
this other world cannot be ignored

The beguiling stars
aligned for me.
The sapphire sky
evoking the sea.
I pass along this trajectory,
floating,
floating ,
floating,
free.

She was really creative

just like me

But the sparkle in her eyes was hard to see

It was obvious she wanted to follow her dreams

But she told me, dear life is not what it seems

How am I supposed to become this star?

I am not you, I can only go so far.

I put my head in my hands because I felt her despair

as an afterthought I didn’t want my actions to give her a scare

I changed my stance,

I gave her a glass and I told her

LOOK, this is as FULL as YOU

You are filled with a vital substance too!

I came from nothing, did you know that?

No you didn’t because I do not disclose the facts.

The BIGGEST fact is what I will tell you now,

is that YOU are ME,

we are one somehow.

You are the voice that told me no

but something stronger told me

GO

You are right this life is not always what it seems

which is what propelled me to chase and capture my dreams!

The altruistic souls that cared too much
for meretricious love would never be enough.
Knowing deep inside what is truly desired
knowing deep inside although they are tired.
To be at one, you and me,
to be at one with humanity.
The spirits wear their suits adorned with stars
earning each one
when they learnt their path.
An infinite power that defied all the limits
aligned with the cosmos, wholly intrinsic.
How sublime the souls that care too much
knowing that on earth there is not enough love.

Another glass to fill the void,
The pair cavort and make more noise.

In the picture I stood with this brash man,
he thought he was part of my story
but he was merely part of my plan.

He boasted of his profligate ways
and his tenacious stance was enough to run away.
I told him to cease the pablum jumping from his lips,
he told me he would,
if I would give him one more kiss.

But one was enough
and even that was the mistake,
a fool I was but these decisions we do make.

We drank and spoke so I could forget the past
the acrimony within me, it couldn't last.
His affectation did not pass me by,
But I let him be garrulous as I looked in his eye,
besides what was the harm,
I was only trying to pass time,
desperately trying to move forward
as I couldn't rewind.

A glass broke as we spoke
An augury? I hope not,
I've had it all,
I've had my lot.

In the pouring rain -
i felt the rain
and while it bounced off me like the window pane
all i could feel was your pain -
and i wanted to take it from you
like thieves in the market do,
never to return
again.

The rain it came
it wouldn't stop.
My heart beating fast
like the bellowing wind on the trees.
A myriad of thoughts stormed my mind
like a flood,
aligned with the rain
thud
thud
thud.

One at a time,
I set my thoughts free
I threw them across
like pebbles on the sea.

How fatuous was I,
to weigh myself down,
the precarious position has now spun around.

One last drop fell from above,
now the sky is as clear
as clear as my mind
the domino effect is never far behind.

The art of acting like we are superior
in fact, so many are internally inferior.
They try to impress
and falsify their truth
they will not help their brothers
they will not help you.

Cogitation can lead to an astonishing moment
one otherwise not realised
and I am such a proponent -
for becoming synergised with it all
how paramount for me to negate any fall
and I grabbed the golden gates
with all of my might
I tore them open
illuminating the dark night.

All the way through this enlightening journey
was the message that I was yearning -
for you to see
the compassion innate within me -
to you
my brother I am always here for you.

When I climbed to the top
I lent you my hand
there was no way I could leave you
I will always have a spare hand.

For the foreboding fear of kindness dissolving
all over the world,
a lesson is bursting
at the seams to be heard.

The seas are tired
the forests are crying
our robust world's weeping is symptomatic
of the times.

If only all could lift
it would be a marvellous thing
for we are all connected
in this funny life -
it's such a funny thing.

Where do you reside now that you are not here?
Do you still see me when I shed a tear?
Are you the wind that blows against my hair?
Will you be the blossom that spreads everywhere?
Well wherever you are and whatever you do
I hope you know I am always thinking of you

When the oceans freeze over
and the sky forever black
it will be too late
to ask for humanity back

A misguided love, my heart fell victim to
He was the trap  
And they said they knew
But sometimes your own eyes are blind to see
A love impure and full of inequality
Now the betrayal is insurmountable
He said he holds both of us accountable.

How to be a human
how easy it must be
to walk and talk,
to have eyes and see!

But what you don't consider,
are the emotions it brings,
our feelings are diverse
like summer and spring.

What we must encompass
in this vast human world
a strength deep within
while our stories unfurl.

Mind in overdrive
Should have let go
But it’s always easier to go with the flow
Should have left
A long time ago
We’re still the same and that’s the shame
By now we both should have changed
There is no path for us to take
There’s nothing left at stake
We should have left a long time ago
I hope somehow you find your way home

Turning inwards
Looking at self
Less time to compare
To the outward space
Of physical worlds
Illusory escapes
No more
Turning inwards
Into the light
The sense of self

This morning I was filled with an inconsolable hurt
And I noticed everything on my way to work…
The man in the grey coat reading his kindle
The blonde lady telling her friend about how she was newly single
I saw the small schoolboy leap on the train
I could tell he didn’t want to be late for school again
I became aware of the fed up look on the train drivers faces
They looked as though they were exhausted of coming to these places
I observed a handsome young man give the old lady a seat
Everyone smiled and thought, isn’t he sweet.
I grimaced when the barrier decided to trap the man in the suit
He cried and complained that he should have taken a different route.
I noticed everyone but nobody noticed me…
Because the pain I felt made me as still as can be…

We cried out that our feet were sore
walking into eternity you and I
you said you would carry me
but I didn't want to get carried away

and I didn't want to weigh you down
even further
because I knew what you had taken on your shoulders
and I would never add to that

I didn't need to vocalise
you knew
and we smiled
as we walked into our fate.

Looking at the people going home on the train
Would I ever see their faces again
Can you tell what’s going on in someone’s mind
Will I ever leave these memories behind
What did I think about when my dad died
Everything was a blur
Too many tears cried
Too many tears cried
Everyone wept
Then we swept up the mess
All of our lives are intertwined but you will never see
Nothing can break real family
Trying
Trying
Car crashed
Nearly died
but I’m still here
Nothing in this world is real to fear

A love that was deeper than the sea
a love that grew between you and me.
The one I thought was the apple of my eye
the one I thought would never make me cry.
The toughest storms yet we made it through
nothing would come between me and you.
I wonder sometimes if it means more to me,
I guess it's hard to measure something you'll never see.

Please wait for me
I won’t be long
I’m just trapped in this world
Where I don’t belong.

When he died
we fell apart
it broke
it broke
my fragile heart.

I lost myself
when you said goodbye
my god
my god
how many tears I cried.

Still we wait for something to ease the pain
the loss
of life
it was all to blame.

Learning to live on such an ephemeral plane
our lives
our lives
they are all the same.

honestly what did it mean
whatever it was
it was so obscene
girl get your head out those ******* books
maybe then your words won't get mistook
im sorry
i left
you left me bereft
whatever i did
it was all for the best
and whatever was left
well that was for the rest

A voice that travelled across the sea
how far it travelled to get to me

If only I could send my response back
I would throw all my words into the wind
hoping,
it would do just that

As we grew

We grew apart

a perfect picture

abstract art

where we once were intertwined

our lives now were uncombined

How could I possibly assimilate the picture that you drew
An array of colours
My world you already knew

You told me I could have it all if I tried,
I could hold the world in my hands
if I put my fears aside.

The veracity of the universe is palpable to me,
I asked and I received
working with the cosmos in true harmony

The inexorable truth that I could acquire it all
I couldn't at first fathom
so you picked up your pallet and painted my desires
you knew this would set my heart on fire -
and it did
you lured me in
although aligning with a celestial force
this world I am within.

I listened to the wind
and I listened to the rain
as though I was waiting for my benediction
but that never came.
My intuition told me to continue on this trajectory
to disallow my foibles to take a hold of me

My father asked me, What the hell are you doing?
Father, I said, the chasm between us has been brewing -
for a while now and I must leave -
there is a magnificent path I have begun to weave.
The disheartened look on his face left me with a heavy heart
but sorry father homogeneity is something of the past.
At one with the cosmos but he would never understand
I kissed him goodbye
before things got out of hand.

Father I wish you could see me underneath this pink sky
so beatific within the rapture
tears of joy I cried.

Nearly a year
and you're still not here
the worst is over
nothing left to fear

I can't expect you to return
God knows best
but i still can't put my pain to rest

Can i relive my memories of you
no, stop
they are too true

You showed me magic
and what the pendulum said
I had never before met a wizard
and one that was so well read

how painful a world without the king of kings
but don't think i haven't noticed all the luck that you bring

you are far but not
as distance was constructed by man
i have to give thanks
as this was God's plan

You taught me how to write but you never read what I wrote

Making amends
we did our best
we loved the most
until there was nothing left

I don’t think I can write anymore
because I’m too sad to even explore
different options and alternate endings
they all result in the same evening.

It should have been home and instead it was the equivalent of rounds of no Brexit deal tribulations
We were largely at war, it was the Renaissance of our sour relationship
which we thought had been swept under the bristles of the front door mat
but the residual anger had decided to rise to the surface and encompass our relationship once again
Relationship is a funny word, almost,
it is like we are on a ship, facing the tides and the currents
the smooth sailing -
but that never lasts, not really.

I leave the house and feel your eyes burning behind my back
you're not sure if I will come back -
because he didn't
but you've asked me to leave as it's now destroying you.
I'm not really sure what you mean because you've never properly explained not in a coherent way anyway.
All the words get lost
letters are muddles up and now there's a slanging match with words that aren't even in the dictionary,
I look them up later to check.

I've had enough
and so have you
some relationships don't last until the end instead they sail and drift away.

The cold wind
it called me in
and wrapped around me
like the bow of sin.
We walked for miles and shed our mistakes
it's funny how much can happen
in one heartbreak.
We met the wise man that told us what we already knew
the secrets of this world
were not secret to me and you.
Dropped to the ground and kissed his feet
I begged for him to save me from this defeat
and he said he would
he only knew how
a lesson can be learnt in the here and now.
The cold wind
it let me go
it unwrapped quickly and dropped off like a bow.

I stared at your writing
You had written your name to remove a book from the library
The orange paper now fading
Your ink in red
I imagined your hand holding the pen
Paper you probably thought so insignificant
The significance to me colosal
The subject matter one of my interests
Shared between you and I
Words we will now not speak
Conversations we will never have
I study your writing
And I will think of you instead.

I ran for the bus -
late again -
it took off even quicker than you did
and I felt myself walking along steady with the breeze for company
no real conversation there -
provoking thoughts to spin endlessly in my mind
which they did -
from time to time.

The juxtaposition of me and you
contrasting against what we had been through

It weighed on my mind,
the foul argument,
neither were right,
yet neither were wrong.
how can a dispute go on for so long?

“I have your best interests,
I’m only protecting you.
you don’t understand,
what you’re getting yourself into.”

“But I do and it’s fine,
I don’t need your input.
you will never understand,
but this love has me hooked.”

“Well, you will see the trouble it brings,
flowers can die -
even in Spring.”

“I am willing to take,
this awful big risk,
it is something I cannot deny,
impossible to resist.”

The heart and the mind,
refused to agree.
The mind concluded,
that the heart was blind to see.
The heart understood the mind’s pragmatic approach,
but a euphoric feeling in the heart had awoke.

True love cannot be dismissed,
one cannot take away such happiness.
in this case of love,
a war must be fought,
was it an accident for these feelings to be caught?

The two were separated by cultures of the past,
the two knew that their love was going to last.

The heart and the mind would eventually agree,
that they must unite,
for this love to be.

The nights will get darker
and we will be surrounded by a black sky.
The chill in the air
will bring a tear to your eye.

And how they longed for the return of the summertime
utterly convinced that it was an epoch of sublime.

Surreptitiously the sombre sky was of no burden to me
for I understood that yin and yang would last for eternity.

We must experience dark
to truly cherish the light
so please don't be afraid
on these bleak winter nights.

I get really upset
and where are you
the one I am meant to tell everything to.

Where were you
when he died
all my anger
I can no longer hide.

Like the baker and the bread
we used to be
but you sold every slice
then there was no longer me

We were so detached from the others
our voices sore and aching from the cosmic conversations which had before cluttered our minds but now dripped from our tongues like water on the leaking tap.
You and I, the explorers of this monolithic place,
where the inertia of it's inhabitants had spread like wildfire
we were the resistance.

The angry boy that wouldn’t wear his hat
His mother would shout
And he would shout back

If only one would listen
To what the ears cannot hear
But lost in the screams
The important message disappears

So before you decide on refusing to wear your blue hat
And before you spank the child for answering back
Listen to the intrinsic force that beats inside
As the transparent message will soon come to light

I told her to stop sharing her grief
we had all felt it
but no one else really cared
and would want to be burdened with all that sorrow
sometimes you think,
it might lighten the load
but there are so few now
that really care

Why are you not sitting on your chair in the kitchen
waiting for me to cook you something nice, I had promised after all
and it's been too long that you've been missing.
Watching you in the living room reading your Tolkien books but they have outlasted you
for you are not there
and they sit untouched on the tall bookshelves,
I look at Mr Bliss sometimes
until it makes me upset and I swiftly put it back with the others.
Lonely guitars now sit
with no one to play them
won't you return to play Along the Watchtower
and I promise I'll sing along this time.
Can you please answer my questions about magic?
Magic you are to me.
I look at pictures of you and us until my eyes cannot continue the flood
there was too much love
and not enough time
I cannot help but be reminded of you
there are so many memories
of what we went through.
Countless attempts  to bargain with God
for you to come back
but he will not agree
it's too late
my broken heart will have to be.