Somewhere through the night you stopped loving me. I wish I could change that last moment with you, I wish I could've said I love you more and held you closer to me. Took in the smell of your skin. Ran my fingertips across your every inch. You said you loved me that night but something went wrong because your feelings left just like that. Suddenly you were gone and I was left to pick up the pieces of my own shattered heart. I was left to miss the smell of your skin and the feel of your fingertips tracing my sides, I was left to wonder if you really ever loved me. Because how could you just end it so abruptly, if you did? I've been reliving my memories trying to figure out where I went wrong. But I don't know if I'll ever figure it out. All that matters is your gone and I'm left behind, only a memory that you choose to ignore. My love, I would die for you every day if I could. If in three years you walked back into my life I would welcome you back with open arms. My love for you has become infinite, I wish I could scrawl your name in the stars. I wish I could write your words all over my skin. I wish you didn't leave me, I wish you had stayed. You left a ghost in the place that I used to be. All I have left is the desire to haunt places that used to be ours, if you ever come back you'll know where to find me.

I used to wander the streets.
Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Then I found you.
Now the streets don't look nearly as dangerous, and the sky has never looked so blue.
You are the sun, the moon, and the stars.
And you'll forever be burning in my eyes

do you still,
imagine
that you're holding my hand
instead of hers?

do you still,
care for me
when you hear
that i'm sick?

do you still,
ask your friends
if i'm doing fine
or if i'm feeling low?

do you still,
think about the what if's
like, what if we're together
what if we're not over?

because baby, i still do.

"When I was a kid, I would get these headaches, and I went to the doctor, and they said that I needed glasses. I get the glasses, and I put them on, and I'm in the car on the way home, and suddenly I yell. Because the big green blobs that I had been staring at my whole life, they weren't big green blobs. They were leaves on trees. And I didn’t even know I was missing the leaves. I didn't even know that leaves existed, and then...leaves! You, you are my glasses. You showed me something I didn't know existed. You are my glasses."

Out there is the sight of rain in the distance.
That particular shade of grey
falls smooth as a new pen on a bleached page,
which makes the softest and loudest noise,
drawing out words. You're drawing me
away from my thesaurus, my dictionary,
and my scattered pages.
Maybe I need to concentrate on something
more than my vocabulary.
My stiff wool sweater and the kiss
of your thighs, shivering in stale air just
waiting for the chance to wake up to
the soft patter of rain against our windows.
Lethargic, the muted lighting makes us softer
than we are, you are flickering between rain
sheet grey and a new pale blue and watching me
fall away from any definitions, synonyms
and the ink stains on my fingers.
Maybe I just need to focus on the smudge I leave
on your cheek, marking the sharp junction
of your smile and eyelashes.
Here, heavy rain still can't dim your eyes.
Blue. Grey. Blue. No pen is that bright.
If I could leave you here, because I know I can't,
I wouldn't write anything except your name
until my writing scrawls across the page and
ends up covering my walls in all capitals.
I have the image in my head, rain clean,
but I haven't uttered a word because
I don't know if the descriptions are enough
to gift such a patient goddess with,
so trust in the dark that my silence is
the heaviest and lightest sound of my heart.
You bring the rain on Tuesday
and then invite me to dance, there are no other words
for this.


**V. K.

she always told me
"try This"
"try That"
she constantly
wore a blood alcohol level
that defied mathematics.
and bore eyes red
as a painter's canvas;
but a smile
she would paint onto her face
putting the final touches
to her masterpiece.

she always told me
Try This
Try That
reassuring i'll be fine regardless
if i get hooked, or not.

she was Perfectly Drifting away
unaware
i was already hooked
to the most powerful Drug of all
right
in front of me.

Over the past year I have just learned a lot about this quest of mine for love.
I've cried a lot, made bad choices, but I've also grown a lot.
But it doesn't make it any easier.
I wish I didn't crave affection.
I wish I didn't fall so quickly.
I wish that the fact that my heart is in a cage would mean that it is protected, but I've finally realized that all it is, is trapped and unable to break free.
It's a prisoner.
I'm captive to my own emotions and lately it's driving me crazy.
Because it's a broken record: I'm a great girl, I have respect for myself, I have the personality and a bit of the looks as well but for some reason these guys either don't see it or don't value it.
And I know that that means I shouldn't care for them but that's a hell of a lot easier to say than done.
The truth is I hate being sad about this one insignificant and tiny blip in my life when there is so much to be happy and grateful for.
And then I'm angry because I'm sad and I feel like I can be in a crowded room and yet alone and then I start to find all of the reasons to legitimize being angry perhaps when they aren't even good reasons.
I feel like I'm so happy in a lot of ways but sad in some of the ways I want to be happy.
And there is always a reason for me to not be with someone.
Always.
And before it was always me in the way but now it's them, they don't want me.
And I know that I'm priceless and I know that I'm worth all of the stars and combustible helium and dust in this galaxy but it's really hard to believe something is up in the sky when all you see is the ground and sometimes I just can't muster up that kind of faith.
Sometimes I feel like my emotions are the poem I wish I could write and other times I'm just so **** tired of being the poet because for once I just want to be someone's poem.
And I know that they say that when you're broken that is how the light gets in but it also allows for shadows and I'm growing to hate the darkness.
Every bit of happiness I feel lately turns out just to be just like a stone thrown into water and it's impossible to avoid the ripples, and they remind me that I have no control and must go with the flow and I'm tired of going against the current.
And god knows I wish I had the confidence to walk across a room and know that I am something worth having but it's hard when subpar is what you're used to.
And I'm slowly coming to find the word empty to be ironic because in reality, this emptiness has never felt so heavy.
It's hard to stand tall when you do and you fall and you also realize parts of you are made of glass.
And it's the scariest thing to admit that in some ways you're broken because broken things never truly get fixed.
They find a "new normal" and maybe I'm old fashioned but I like some things to stay the same.
And I know that there are storms in my eyes and electricity in my lips but **** it I think the pain is worth it.
I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but what happens when everyone is blind?
And what scares me the most is putting these thoughts into words because tongues always cut the deepest.