You are all after me
Telling me my life is perfect
As if i plant that in your brains
As if as soon as i feel down
I have all of you reminding me it's perfect
it's a dream

--
Really now i just feel alone
Right waiting for my familly to come home
How can i feel so alone next to the one i love
Afraid to be stuck
Back to a confort zone i don't feel confortable

--
I pannick
I need control over this emotion and very soon
--

Calm dow
Brief

You know it will all be alright
Remember to feel every moment
--

Actually I recovering from my bad side
I know it hurts
Not wondering why i feel what i feel
I am just fighting fall in love with you

I miss you kissing me,
Today I just realized how good you kissed
Today I feel like I don’t want just *** anymore
I need much more, your hugs, our conversations, your touch
*** is just a way for most people to get all the rest they need
I don’t want to play by the rule one more time
If I get *** will be because I really need it
If I just need hugs then I will get hugs no more no less
I am not a machine, I have feelings and I assume it
I don’t want just *** anymore
So keep your pants on
And your mouth shut if you want to ask for something I can’t offer
I miss you kissing me

It’s not their job to like me, it’s mine.

What a better place than Bali to fall in love?
More I know myself less ******* I tolerate

Many people believe they know
Most think they are lost forever
The most important would be not to judge, no to question so much

How could we still listen to those haters
When they are the one that are mainly lost

This voice in my head most of the time if **** up
But at least I always know where she is and who she is

I can see it from the way they look at me
Some questioning why I don’t walk the line
Most don't even care about the person that I might be
Is is not kinda crazy ?
Living in a world where everyone has something to say about everybody.
While not many really work on who they are?!
I never been afraid to be different but always to be the same than everyone,
Should we not worry more about loving ourselves rather than loving the idea of people loving us?
Self-love is not selfish is the way toward love
I know when the time will be right everything will fall into place and I am ready to work hard for it.
Until then let’s share love!
Mind, Body, Spirit

I am a bad dream living in your nightmares

I am in the restaurant
My friend just left the table
And here I feel all complete

I enjoy being with her
But her leaving remind me how much
I love to be by myself

I guess that’s what we call self love
I spent the all day stress
Now just being alone
Remind me that the smallest thing in life are the one I enjoy the most

Sharing a meal with myself
Watching people around
I never feel alone by myself
This is supposed to make me afraid
Afraid that I loose my social part but I don’t think I do

It’s noisy I am surrounded by people
It’s just me and my beer and I few complete
I guess that’s what we call self love

I ******* miss you
I ******* hate you

I should stop drinking
Every time I am drunk
It reminds me of our drunk night together

Do you remember how much we used to laugh? How much fun we were together?  No one could stop us, we were the soul of the party, the vibe of the night.

I hope she gives you everything I could not give you I hope she is there to laugh with you on your drunk nights.

I miss our drunk nights

I am in the restaurant
My friend just left the table
And here I feel all complete

I enjoy being with her
But her leaving remind me how much
I love to be by myself

I guess that’s what we call self love
I spent the all day stress
Now just being alone
Remind me that the smallest thing in life are the one I enjoy the most

Sharing a meal with myself
Watching people around
I never feel alone by myself
This is supposed to make me afraid
Afraid that I loose my social part but I don’t think I do

It’s noisy I am surrounded by people
It’s just me and my beer and I fell complete
I guess that’s what we call self love

The older i get to more i see the world is not perfect
And also realized that it's not that bad

I start to appreciate the bad in the good
and the good in the bad

Heaven always get a little ***** where i live

There is nothing left to say
I will be fine!
Every little lie
I am letting go
I open my eyes

---
There is nothing left to say
(When i want to scream about this mess)
I will be fine!
(Pretending that I am alright)
Every little lie
(Impossible to hide)
I am letting go
(Anyway you are already gone)
I open my eyes
(Even if my heart is closed)
---

You could just fix it with words
(Don't want to hear your voice)

Angry or sad I don't know anymore
I do things to my mind and to my body like i am angry at myself

But all i want is to take care of myself, be on my own.

I don't want to have *** or even fall in love i just want to feel all wrapped in their arms like I am not alone anymore.

I was thinking it won't hurt but it does. I was thinking that maybe being angry at you will help but i can't manage to be angry at you only at her.

Angry or sad I don't know anymore

When I said i was alright,
I really was!

But now it's all **** up in my head since i know about her.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I keep playing the scenes in my head the one when i am talking with her I know it's not right but it can't help it. It turns  like a loop all over again.
How could i miss that?
How could i pass by?
How can she pass through ?
(while i am supposed to be your everything)

I did not mind to be cheated on, humiliated and rejected.
But it's the feeling of not having be flagged out i can't stop thinking about.

I am happy when I feel angry, I am full of energy when I cry, I am feeling it all when I am disappointed.

All those year not wanted to feel teach me how to twist and fake emotions. I could make you happy when I was down. I could make you angry just because you did not know yet but you will hurt me so I could push you away before letting you touch me.

I don’t want it anymore I will be a ball full of emotions any of them I will let them come in.

Make me angry, sad, cry, love, smile, drink I want to feel. I want to feel so badly

You know after all I think I never really believed in love or any emotion at all.

That’s quite hard to admit that I was so broken that I never let it in properly. I never accept it either.

I think that all those emotions are inside of me I just don’t let other seeing it because I don’t want anyone to be able to hurt me. What I realized is that hurt is uninvatable and it’s part of this beautiful life.

I am sick of hiding my emotions like nothing hurt me. I am not afraid anymore because I prefer to get hurt than to feel nothing at all.

So I am going to danse until I can’t feel my feet, I will sing until I loose my voice, I will eat until I can’t see food anymore, I will cry in front of romantic film until my eye explode and i will love just to get hurt. Because if I keep not feeling anything at all I will loose the best part of myself.
^^

I would like to fall in love the way I fall asleep.

First I feel dizzy, I want to close my eye so badly and let go of any tension.

Then come the dark and yet I feel so confident and safe

And I start dreaming like everything is possible.

I wish I fall in love the way I fall asleep.

Oh yes sure, but as friend then?
- Why would you say that?

- Remember talking about respect when you wanted to fight?

This is also to me the only thing that makes me angry and want to fight. As you, I have a high respect of myself and don't like to feel ignore, disrespected. It might be a big word just to explain that i don't appreciate when someone read my messages and decide not to reply.

Listen, it's not against you, i understand, you are busy, I might not be your priority. But i learn over the past year not to let anyone taking the chance to be able to hurt me. You might not be the kind of guys who like texting fine, then you should have tell me (same way as you asked me why i left and i replied).

It was really nice meeting you, i would love to see you again but not without disrespecting myself. That's a lot of feeling, but after what i saw in you, I am sure you will understand. I am free tomorrow, if you understand that we can meet. If not i want to tell you that i also feel this connexion and wish you a beautiful week.

--
Self respect is a high value i want to keep. I am mature enough and have been hurt enough not to let anyone getting this power over me.

Some people talk to you in their free time and some free their time to talk to you, i am learning the difference and i am looking to let people in my life only with the second option.

If you are able to rise you standard to meet girls like me.

I am listening to love songs
And I don’t feel sad
Like I finally realized that it’s a beautiful thing the world has to offer
I was never ready for it
I always push it away to protect myself from pain
And I realized that I always finished to get attach and somehow fall in love and finally get hurt.

I don’t want to refused the good feeling anymore. I will just keep in mine at the end it will always hurt and that will be enough protection.

Now that my heart is free
I actually feel much more better toward you
And I think I would have to thank you to open my eyes and my heart to the greatest gift humans can get : LOVE.

You show me it was possible, even if I believe that you always lied, your lies stayed in me like something I have to follow.

It’s weird how I hated you so much for putting those felling into me and now that I am free of any relationship I think you did good.

I believe that two souls never meet for nothing, there is always a reason. I now found why I met you. I was thinking it was a bad experience but I now think that it was needed.

I am tired of falling in love
I sick of covering up
Seems that for staying safe I should change and become something that’s not me
But I was always taught to be myself
I am my own independence, the reason I am smiling in the morning
Who I am need to be enough
—
We can do anything, just run away with me
Put your hands into mine and let’s be each other everything
Give me your heart I promise I won’t break it
—
I want to sing and dance and feel beautiful

Why everybody always think they know me? Like they are mediums, as they know what I think or want or have been through... but I only show what I want them to see.

No you don’t know me! No one does. And i would not be saying neither that I do know you.
—-
Eveytime I am nice it’s not me hiding my emotions it’s me dealing with the devil in you.

What should I do ? Insult you and telling you I am hurt and that I hate you for what you did to me ?

This is not the person I want to be or Even is. You don’t know me!

If I react well when you rejected me it’s because at least your have been sincere and respectful and I respect that enough not to get angry or even sad.

If I get angry or sad who that will help: you surely to see that your actions have effect on other: but you alredy know that when you did. You knew it will hurt me anyway.

If you did it you have your reasons and I respect it!

What should I do now
I know this would happen

And finally it did
I don’t feel lost
I am just afraid to loose myself
This self I love so much

I don’t want anyone telling me I am not good enough, strong enoug, beautiful enough

So let’s make decision

I won’t let anyone putting me down for any reason
I will be mindful on what I say but never stop sharing what I think

I am not single I am good with myself
Is not because you are single that you should please anyone around
Keep you life your character you envy of living your power of words

Quantity is nothing compared to quality
I prefer to wait for the good than waiting my time and being destroyed by the wrong ones

Love it up
Never give up
FLY first love yourself

Break up always hurt,
They always hurt even if you know it’s for the best for both it always hurts

You make so much effort to fit with someone else personally. I don’t mean to fit - it’s not really what I want to say but some how to learn about each other and becoming better are being together.

And finally as always one get distant by cheating or just by using words that will hurt

I always build my relashionships on trust and I always get hurt but what I have to remember it that somehow I push this I always do I know it’s my decision I know I influence it somehow because I knew it was better for us

And all his speech about being angry even at the word cheating, at the end he is the one using it the best.

Anyway everyone make mistake, and everyone deserve to be happy.

I won’t get hurt I will get it to get free.

They also always tell you they love you what is love if you can’t make the sacrifice for other like you do for yourself.

I don’t believe in it I think words have been invented to cheat better on people that *** will ever do.

Don’t tell me I am so perfect if it’s her your choose when your drunk night comes.

When You ask me how I am,
I just wanted to reply That I hate you

I hate you for making me feel that there is more in the world than lost feelings

For making me believe that broken heart can be healed when you don’t even know how to let me in

Yesterday I was happy
Today I am lost

When I am happy I don’t need you
When I am lost I feel like coming to you

Taking a plane and watch you through the windows
I won’t even have the courage to cross the street to go to you

I know that As soon as I will see you and i will talk to you you will push me away
For sure I will regret taking this plane

But at least I would have let for once my feelings talking rather than my head

I need to feel your skin
I miss it badly

I know it’s wrong
I know you are with her

Side by side
Just let me feel your breath

Even if we can’t touch
Even if we should not talk

Let me feel your skin

i want want a simple life
With nice people
A world where eveyone love each other where eveything is real
Where love is not a goal but a way of life
Where I can walk bare foot and smile to eveyone without looking weird
I want to party until morning
Wake up and start again just to meet all those amazing people

Can someone tell me where is this place ?

I sleep in a different bed every week
But I know
- I will meet you soon
- you are waiting for me as well
- you and me : it will means everything

That you have lived as I have but you waited for me as I did
And we would smile
And we will laugh drink and touch

And it will feel like never before
More I imagine it more close I get to you

I have been played you won’t play me you will know I am not a game,
I have been lied to, you won’t lie to me you know I don’t deserve this,
I am loved and you will admire that,
I am clever and you will empowered it,
I am all your and you will never take it for guarantee

—-
- “Destiny, bring me to him he is waiting for me, I know you are waiting for me to be ready but it’s only when I will see him that I will be”

It’s all in your mind (what I love about you)

I don’t care about your amazing abs or your cooking skills  (All I love is your mind)

The way you are hurt don’t even scar me I know there is nothing to fix and it does not matter (to me).

And when you lie i know it!
And you lie about everything!
The other, they all trust you on what you say
And all I see in those lies is your mind

Even if you would look different, I will still be attracted by you: it does not matter the way you dress or talk I read you mind (and that's what I love about you)

Can you say the same about the one around you ? This society that wants your fit, young and beautiful.

Beauty dies ! Mind never do.

Call me

Just call me and let’s meet somewhere in the world.

Somewhere we will be alone

We know that we can’t be together for long because we would destroy each others world.

Let’s meet for a few days, keep those days as our secret, our escape.

We felt so happy together don’t you remember ?

- We don’t need to talk and we talk for hours
- We don’t need drink and we got so high

Would that be possible ? For a day !? A week? A month ?

We know we can’t stay close forever but could we just enjoy this moment of life this short time and believe the world his ours.

I want to feel that love is now and just now
That every feeling is real
That the world is ours
That no one else exist

Then we would continue our life wishing the best to each other until the next time we meet and can hug.

After all : short time, big love that’s all we want that’s all we have and everything we born for.

Just tell me where and when.

She might have the same way to walk but she get closer to you and you know she will never touch you like I do.

She might have the same kind of deep voice but her words will never resonate as mine in your heart.

She might have the same eyes she will never understand you like I do.

Enjoy having the same, while I am still somewhere around.

Be happy that same same is always different <3

I think I will never forget

The way you manipulate me like I was one of you game

You cry when I left and you smile when I got hurt

You knew so much how to hurt me

And I protect myself so much not to let you do it but it continues to run in my veines: this voice telling me it hurts first because it felt so good back then

It should last long because I am supposed not to beleive it

And I stay and you go

And I think and you forget

I wanted you to forget me so much so I could think about you evyday knowing that you will push me away

But tonight I just want to hug

I love to write how I feel every year about my birthday

It never end ... aging ... what can I say about this year

Older I get more young I am looking for

It’s the first time I wanted to party for my birthday but no is there

I think I still love you and it hurts

For one night could we just forget all what happen, you will make my night incredible treat me like a princess and tell me I am lovable and beautiful and everything you ever wanted.

Wait... Am I still dreaming?

Let wakeup tomorrow one year older and get through this life that I am supposed to love so much.

Btw *******

Princess, do you know how to tell that a boy loves you ?

He does not tell the same thing to every other girls.

If he loves you, he won’t lie. If it’s real it won’t fade. If it’s true it will never end.

This is real love! The one that feels unique not copy pasted.

I just get through all of the poems that I wrote one by one crying until i read this text that I actually wrote one year ago crying about my bireday reminding myself how lucky I was and that self love should be the only love that really matters

And that I was actually crying because I was living the life I dreamt of that needs sacrifice and hurt

And at the end ... this year my birthday is coming too and I am still living my dream life so come on let’s keep going

Saying the opposite of what I think
Feeling the contrary of what I should
Keeping smiling to hide everything

My dreams are my only escape  
There I can do what I want
See who I like
Explain all I need
And feel it all

And yet I can’t sleep,
How can I dream if I can’t close my eyes,
How to find what I need if the only place I know your are is in the darkness of my nights?

It’s 3 in the morning
I can’t sleep
I have everything I want,
I am lying in a new bed
Have this awsome job
Nevertheless I cry
I feel alone in this big room
I talk all day as I love
I don’t want to talk anymore
Can I just watch Netflix all night
And order wine ?
I will be fine tomorrow
The sun always come back

I'm tired of people who say they want to live their dream and never do anything to achieve them.

So i will do it for you, live by my dreams.

Join me when  you get there.

Hopefully maybe someone share the same dreams i have somedays.

Yesterday in the middle of the party I closed my eyes, danse on one of the song we used to listen and I imagined you - lost in my neck, holding me tight.

Maybe I should stay alone
I always knew that I won’t be good at love
I hurt myself more than I ever hurt other
Alone or not it keeps hurting
Deep down I just know I am stilll not saved even if I try to hide this scare everyday it always comes back every 3 years like if every 3 years I remember what happened 3 years before those 3 years before those ones

3 is then my breaking number

But it kind of always get better when I break the circle

Will be now a year, a year I put on paper everyday my feeling

All those feeling make me think that I should always go when I just want to stay

And once again I want to escape to go far, will someone ever know how to hold my hand and tell me how not to go?

If he is too perfect I go, too loving, too addicted, too boring, too far, too old, too young I always leave afraid that love could take me.

If wish he could be older,
I wish he could see I am still here
I wish he would remember me as one of the best part of his life
If wish I could have help
I wish I could have been there
I wish that you wish much more for yourself than my lost soul
Because after all, you told me that if you love someone you should let them be happy.

I want to live in my dreams the one where everything always goes right and I am the only one to decide when it goes left.

Do I really ever regret going left ? I don’t really know because every time I feel empty the only way I see is left.

Right is nice, left feel so good.

I can’t believe that I was taking about what i want and I just write going left.

Anyway right is right, left has left.
—-
Then he said I love you

I have the feeling I got all I ever wanted nevertheless I still don’t feel full.

Sometimes I feel so empty and I can’t control it. Then I remind myself that I have much more than anyone around and that should complete me. But I have been educated in a way that I don’t have to care about what other have and I should especially never compare myself to any. That this will be the way to find happiness.

But those days I can’t stop comparing to make myself feel better for 5 minutes and then the good feeling goes.

Come on brain let’s think by ourselves let’s forget them around let’s focus on what we want.

You find yourself in your lies and you think i don't know while i am laugh at all your words. I told you i beleive in action and not words.

When you are in front of me your red eyes talk to me and share your lies with me. Oh dear if you only know what was the limit between reality and escape.

But your dark side is always there, your only matter you have with me is that i have been to hell many times. A martyr of the devil can't fight an other one.  

More you lie more i escape, but i some how like the way you lie it keep my weapon strong and my heart as bright as the gold, as strong as a rock.

The best part of it is that i take pleasure watching you, find yourself in your lies.

I remember loving a lot of you.

Teenage lovers.

My first was useful, my second kind, my third animal, my forth useless and my fifth friendly.

We were teenagers.

Now stop there and remember when we were teenagers. All those small situations and compliments that makes you feel unbreakable like the world belong in your hands.

Teenage love.

I miss this love so much. Maybe that was the one I needed after all.

Teenage love is pure, is crazy, is for life in our mind. Oh but remember how Teenage love is painful? Do I really want to get there?

Teenage love have no fears, let me get there.

Tell me, after all which love is the best when you know all of them ?

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep close is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

What if all love songs should be sing for ourselves? What is the real love is being in love with yourself and all the rest is just a plus.

I am tired of those stories that never work. Of those feelings that always hurts, of those peole that always lie of this society that is always wrong.

I am just going to listen at those happy love song thinking they are written for me. Like my soul and my head are 2 different persons and protect and love each other forever. Because at the end the only person who will stay forever will be me. At the end the only person I want to keep up with is me.

I promise I would keep myself happy because no-one is responsible more for my happiness.

Is love something we build or something we feel?
Which love is stronger the one we feel at first or the one we decide to work for?
What if ...

**** I hate those feelings

I don’t love him, I know I do love him.
He is my best option, I want to go to the other way.
Right now I would take a plane to the other side of the world and fall in love again
But I can’t
Those days I don’t understand anything about myself I hate the society and the respect all his rules anyway how can I be so ...
I just wish that falling in love was not that painfull so I could so it again

If i am not all you need
Why don't you let me go ?