I think I’m living in a box,
trying to hide from you.
I don’t like to lie,
but what is true anymore?
I’m sick to my stomach
that you can think of me,
claiming me as yours,
when you didn’t work for anything.

I feel like trash, I feel like dirt.
Watching you take and take,
and just sitting there
with my eyes purposely closed.
I was so lonely, I didn’t know
what it felt like to really be touched.
So I let myself get shut
up inside this way.

You’re like a greedy child

who can’t keep their hands away.
You don’t keep your hands away.
And I feel useless.
Of course I’m one of those.
Of course I don’t leave.
And remember the little girl
who promised she’d never take this?

I see the light from outside,
but he’s not getting any closer.

I don’t have him.
I can’t have him.

Can you see me?
I’m standing in the spotlight,
wide smile glowing,
frozen in place.

And how do you feel?
I must make you uncomfortable
being so realistic
and yet so fake.

I stand day after day with
the fluorescent heat constant.
I’m sweating from the pressure,
But you can’t see from far away.

You can shuffle me around
and change my pose,
but my lack of control
gives an offbeat idea.

I know how you feel.
But you don’t know what to do.
So you speed walk away,
avoid the discomfort.

I’m trying so hard
not to be numb.
Waiting for my chance
to change and grow.

We are never at rest,
even when we take a moment
to get lost inside ourselves.
We are in orbit.

I’ve done my best
to keep pace with the spin,
adapting to the life
in constant change around me.

One day you came
through the fog I was navigating.
Cold, gray monotony
turning prismatic before me.

Still I knew,
the spin doesn't pause.
I just hope you find a way
to be the thing that lasts.

I know you sit there
in the dark, thinking
you mean nothing.

But you have been
the only art I’ve made
for months.

You have been
the only light I’ve seen
at the end.

You have been
the only thing I still
wish for.

My teeth gnaw
at the inside of my cheek
out of frantic attempt
to calm my hammering heart.
It’s days like these
where I can feel
a poison coursing
through my being.
No amount of pills
can calm the waters.
No supportive words
can make me optimistic.

I will gnaw and gnaw
my teeth to dust
to grab hold of any
sort of control.

As the decade began, 
I felt a rush go through 
my entire body, 
like how it felt
when we were kids.


You stayed by my side
just so you could be 
the first thing on my mind.

The first time you run
The first time you laugh
The first time you jump
The first time you feel the sea from the shore
The first time you feel your heart soar
The first time you feel your heart break
The first time you’re confused
The first time you know

The first time we touch
The first time my eyes open