I've fallen in love with Self-Deprecation.
I found her teetering the edge
of Self-Destruction

Testing Her limits with every acquaintance.

She lets Her life hang in the doorframe
either land on her feet
or the knot takes Her name

Teasing bad decisions with Svedka soaked sexts.

I've fallen in love with inception.
I left Self in an echo of a room
against cement bricks of incarceration.

Oh, how would it be...
to have a body
you never touched?

Would my skin not flake away?
Would my eyes stop pacing...
Only to avoid you?

Soft skin is always missed
But the throbbing between my thighs
Will forever stay; unforgotten

I wish to feel pleasure
Where there was pain
As he touches my curves...

Six months with someone new
And my my mind still disappears
In the blue sheets.

Oh, how would it be
To have a body
You never touched...
And Instead he did.

Coffee –morning,
afternoon, and nighttime shots –
keeps me breathing,
and saves me from harmful thoughts.

I grew up with parents
addicted to the taste,
and a sister, who brought it home as a present
as if it held everything together like paste.

I heard through blue bedroom plaster
the cries of teenage rebellion,
and the yells of parents in disaster
from the back-talk of the hellion.

Coffee stopped coming home every night.
She brought it to a different family.
How I wished our home would reunite,
but we never regained our sanity.

Now I am intoxicated every day
with the milk-and-sugar infused
mixture. It turns the dull gray
of my eyes to look brown and enthused.

Each sip is rich in bitterness
and poor in flavor.
Yet it infects me like an illness
and saves me from the razor.

Sip some coffee
smile, don’t cry.  
Sip some coffee
the blood will dry.

I hate when you leave the light on.
I turn it off for a reason,
and you have the audacity to turn it on again.
It is too late for you to turn on the light.
It is too late for me to be awake.
I do not want it on. I don't need it on
It is a waste of energy,
trying to turn it on
after I turn it off.
You and I both know, I'm going to keep trying,
to keep it off.
So save yourself the money and time,
Save your energy for someone who wants it.
I'll use the rest of my energy to keep it off.

I cannot sleep with the **** light on!
Every time I hear the switch click, my opens open,
and the light penetrates the darkness I am trying to sleep in.
You are not in control of the light, you cannot decide
that you want it on, every time I want it off.
Stop ******* wasting everyone's time with this
back and forth. Money is being wasted, because
you can't learn that everyone does want the light on.

Please stop wasting your energy on me and my light.
Stop telling me I have an issue, where there is none.
This light is mine, the witch is mine, I am choosing
not to shine. Don't make the choice for me.
I hate when you turn on the light, I hate it so much
I hate gasping for air and telling you to go **** yourself.

Because of you, all I hear is that ******* clicking!
I hear in the morning and in the night,
I hear it when I cross the street. I cannot escape it.
It is forever ringing in my ears. But,
do you want to know what I love?
I love when you leave the light on.

I wanted more for you
than I wanted for myself.
But you showed me
You didn't care
and I wasn't enough.

Daily routine was your happiness
and me pretending I was happy.
Never did I think my love for you
Would **** me in the end.

But I died. I didn't care
Lost in an unfamiliar world.
Left alone figuring my way through.
So many drunk nights. So many mistakes.

Morals down the drain.
Cold tile floors my comfort at night
But warmer than your words.

One week passed. Then two.
Born again in
Whiskey and Joints.

Week three was better
Week four was a realization.
Thank you!
For your breakup-text
Thank you for letting me go.

I would have stayed,
Even though I was unhappy.
I would have done anything
To put you first.
Unlike you did for me.

Thank you for choosing yourself
and letting me discover what happiness is.
Week five has proven progress.
I'm first.

You wanted more for yourself
Than I was willing to give
and I show you now
that I always cared
But now I never will again.