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Oct 2018 · 167
Graduation
Shawn Callahan Oct 2018
I've fallen in love with Self-Deprecation.
I found her teetering the edge
of Self-Destruction

Testing Her limits with every acquaintance.

She lets Her life hang in the doorframe
either land on her feet
or the knot takes Her name

Teasing bad decisions with Svedka soaked sexts.

I've fallen in love with inception.
I left Self in an echo of a room
against cement bricks of incarceration.
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
May 2018 · 240
Rock Bottom: Bed Sheets
Shawn Callahan May 2018
They say you can't fall anymore than Rock Bottom
But I've painfully crashed a thousand times, and
melted into the Earth's Core; filling the cracks
With liquefied remains of what I became...a failure.

My broken pieces caught in alluring lies
and tangled Bed Sheets

Rock Bottom is every bed
A boy has invited me in
Because I could not accept
God's knock on my chest.

Rock Bottom is every cigarette
I've shakenly put between my lips
Because I could not let
God's words fill me.

Rock Bottom is each step away
from my Body
Because my soul-my remains
Are left alone above someone's covers.

My soul is locked away in a room
I can never return to.
It's been captured in his bed.
So I fill myself with broken glass
hoping the reflection of what once was
shines through.

I drown myself in self-deprecation
Praying that a form of baptism
Will return my soul to me...

But it wont.
Not until I open my chest,
Not until I fill my lungs
with scripture.

My soul was captured
Because God told me
Who the Devil was...
Charismatic, body like a snake, and
Eyes filled with love...maybe ****?

But the thought of happiness captivated me
And comfort was found in his arms...
I ignored God- calling him a fool.

Now, I must heal and find my soul
Because I didn't listen the first time.

I open my chest
My lips spill with alcohol soaked apologizes
And He still holds me,
Cares for me,
He has not Forsaken me...
like I had Forsaken myself.
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Apr 2018 · 481
(Don't) Touch My Body
Shawn Callahan Apr 2018
Oh, how would it be...
to have a body
you never touched?

Would my skin not flake away?
Would my eyes stop pacing...
Only to avoid you?

Soft skin is always missed
But the throbbing between my thighs
Will forever stay; unforgotten

I wish to feel pleasure
Where there was pain
As he touches my curves...

Six months with someone new
And my my mind still disappears
In the blue sheets.

Oh, how would it be
To have a body
You never touched...
And Instead he did.
Feb 2018 · 337
Cheap Coffee
Shawn Callahan Feb 2018
Coffee –morning,
afternoon, and nighttime shots –
keeps me breathing,
and saves me from harmful thoughts.

I grew up with parents
addicted to the taste,
and a sister, who brought it home as a present
as if it held everything together like paste.

I heard through blue bedroom plaster
the cries of teenage rebellion,
and the yells of parents in disaster
from the back-talk of the hellion.

Coffee stopped coming home every night.
She brought it to a different family.
How I wished our home would reunite,
but we never regained our sanity.

Now I am intoxicated every day
with the milk-and-sugar infused
mixture. It turns the dull gray
of my eyes to look brown and enthused.

Each sip is rich in bitterness
and poor in flavor.
Yet it infects me like an illness
and saves me from the razor.

Sip some coffee
smile, don’t cry.  
Sip some coffee
the blood will dry.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Shawn Callahan Jun 2016
I hate when you leave the light on.
I turn it off for a reason,
and you have the audacity to turn it on again.
It is too late for you to turn on the light.
It is too late for me to be awake.
I do not want it on. I don't need it on
It is a waste of energy,
trying to turn it on
after I turn it off.
You and I both know, I'm going to keep trying,
to keep it off.
So save yourself the money and time,
Save your energy for someone who wants it.
I'll use the rest of my energy to keep it off.

I cannot sleep with the **** light on!
Every time I hear the switch click, my opens open,
and the light penetrates the darkness I am trying to sleep in.
You are not in control of the light, you cannot decide
that you want it on, every time I want it off.
Stop ******* wasting everyone's time with this
back and forth. Money is being wasted, because
you can't learn that everyone does want the light on.

Please stop wasting your energy on me and my light.
Stop telling me I have an issue, where there is none.
This light is mine, the witch is mine, I am choosing
not to shine. Don't make the choice for me.
I hate when you turn on the light, I hate it so much
I hate gasping for air and telling you to go **** yourself.

Because of you, all I hear is that ******* clicking!
I hear in the morning and in the night,
I hear it when I cross the street. I cannot escape it.
It is forever ringing in my ears. But,
do you want to know what I love?
I love when you leave the light on.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Oct 2015 · 727
Forgiven Mistakes
Shawn Callahan Oct 2015
I've made mistakes
This is true
But have you seen
What I've been through?
I need some time, some space
To clear my heart.

Never did I think
that Love could ****
But there I lay

I need to create who I am,
But you wont give me the chance.
You don't understand that
The games you play
Are driving me away.

I need to forgive myself
But you're making that hard
And I can't seem-to catch my breath.

I'm not a broken toy
I'm the same as I always been
with just a few scars
That tell a story
You're too afraid...**to experience.
Oct 2015 · 399
Thank You
Shawn Callahan Oct 2015
I wanted more for you
than I wanted for myself.
But you showed me
You didn't care
and I wasn't enough.

Daily routine was your happiness
and me pretending I was happy.
Never did I think my love for you
Would **** me in the end.

But I died. I didn't care
Lost in an unfamiliar world.
Left alone figuring my way through.
So many drunk nights. So many mistakes.

Morals down the drain.
Cold tile floors my comfort at night
But warmer than your words.

One week passed. Then two.
Born again in
Whiskey and Joints.

Week three was better
Week four was a realization.
Thank you!
For your breakup-text
Thank you for letting me go.

I would have stayed,
Even though I was unhappy.
I would have done anything
To put you first.
Unlike you did for me.

Thank you for choosing yourself
and letting me discover what happiness is.
Week five has proven progress.
I'm first.

You wanted more for yourself
Than I was willing to give
and I show you now
that I always cared
But now I never will again.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Sep 2015 · 726
Golden Petals
Shawn Callahan Sep 2015
I'm tired of being told to grow up;
I don't want to grow...
I want to bloom, to blossom
In the most exotic place.
I want to separate my cement barrier
And start my reign over the abandoned.

I want to add beauty in this bricked place.
I don't want to be confined
underneath conceited government.
I am self-governing
I am forever changing
forever a beautiful flower.

I am no leader
But I am my own path
That will not be blocked
by the judgment of closed windows.

In the most exotic place
I will bloom
If you are looking for me
Follow the trails of golden petals
I leave behind.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jun 2015 · 672
The Broken Have Wings
Shawn Callahan Jun 2015
Shards of the body-length mirror
Are pressed firmly in the skin.
Blood dribbles down on the
Snow spotted coffee table.
Dragging the blade of glass
Across the wrist is now
An everyday, effortless need.

I'm sorry that the eyes can't see
That broken mirrors still shine
And that pieces are easier to swallow than a whole depressing picture.

Broken glass still shine in the light.
And flowers don't bloom with out the sun.
You are not wilted and you are not broken...lean towards the healing light.
Mar 2015 · 1.3k
Mind over Heart
Shawn Callahan Mar 2015
Do not listen to your heart.
Ignore the tumblr quotes.
Child, life is not measured by care.

Decisions are made by balance
Better vs Worst.
Good vs Evil.

Life's questions do not have
right or wrong answers.
Only comprehended responses.

Remember the brush of his skin.
The musky scent buried in his clothes
Don't ' forget the tears.

Feel the hairs of knuckles
across your innocent cheek.
Don't forget the laughs.

Child, listen to me
Reasons to stay and leave will always exist
The out come is yours.

Don't listen to your heart
It will always want to stay.
For once, let your mind decide.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Mar 2015 · 476
I Am More
Shawn Callahan Mar 2015
I'm more open
           More free
     Than you thought
I could ever be.

I've won battles.
      Fought for my convictions.
Taking my life by storm
      Proving you wrong.

Remember your doubt?
            I was so compliant.
        But now, you underestimated
How strong I am without you.      

I am winning the war
         Defeating every
         Manipulative *******
That thought I couldn't **triumph.
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Mar 2015 · 1.5k
A Scribble
Shawn Callahan Mar 2015
Etches on a page
Scribbled next to  history
on blue-lined red margined paper.
Just a doodle; an unconscious thought
forgotten at the bottom of a trash bin.

I'm the distraction used in sleepy situations.
Not enough beauty to be focused on
Only a compliment to your already perfect complexion.
Always supporting. Never supported.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Mar 2015 · 3.8k
Lipstick
Shawn Callahan Mar 2015
I paint my pink plum flesh
With a smooth eggplant color.
you loved the way it brought out my eyes.
Today I use it...to ****** your way home.
You never come; just leaving me with stained lips.
I'll pucker up to coffee cups and mirrors.
Leaving you everywhere I **kiss.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Feb 2015 · 1.2k
I'll Suffer With You
Shawn Callahan Feb 2015
I want to experience more.
To understand
all the pain you carry.

Send me the aura surrounding you
Share with me your wretched soul
Confide all your regrets
in the palm of my hand.

I want to  uncover
Your repressed tortures;
to feel all the suffering
that drove you to your high.

Hand me the razor.
Let me stream my blood,
Pooling in  my palm:
Drowning your regrets.

I'll pull the trigger at my heart
saving your beautiful mind
to shine in your darkest times.

I'll take care of you
Understanding the necessity
for blood to be shed
and for your tears
to be absorbed, into my chest.

Abuse me with your nightmares
Scare me enough to runaway
Mince the white line
We'll escape into your dreams: **Together.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Feb 2015 · 1.5k
Not Perfect
Shawn Callahan Feb 2015
It is the morning drag
Another day alive
"I wish i was dead."

Puffing on a cigarette
staring blankly at the wisps of smoke
I wonder, "Where did I go wrong?"

Everything seemed perfect
Wrapped in his arms
Running around in our underwear

I would hold him against my skin
Never wanting to let go
Only wanting to feel his 5 o'clock shadow.

Days of laughter
Becomes weeks
Fights never lasted more than a day.

Everything seemed perfect
like a dream I've always wanted
My romantic comedy was real.  

Then the rose colored glasses broke.
I saw the black and white
You saw everything wrong with us.

I took the heart emoji off his contact name
Packed memories in boxes
He took the final decision: "It's over."

Everything seemed so perfect
Until reality decided to play
And all the perfect moments forgotten.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Feb 2015 · 341
Giving Up
Shawn Callahan Feb 2015
An average girl
never enough
simultaneously all too much.

Hidden away in her nightmares.
Reaching for the halo in her dreams.
always falling short
drowning in expectations

Water fills her lungs,
controlling every reluctant breath.
Accompanied by panic
and held by the throat with fear
She never countered.

Pain comes and goes;
Joyous moments
Tearful situation.
Never rising above
ready to sink below: Floating.

Expressionless,
Just passing through the waves.
Pain morphs into numbness.
letting go becomes easier.
Detachment is emotionless.
Just an average girl: **Gone.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 1.4k
Don't Mind Me
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
Trust me when i say,
I never thought I'd admire you.
Silently sitting there
Waiting to catch that sparkle in your eyes.
Your smile; so perfect, so white.
I'm at a lost when you're in my head.

We talked and laughed together.
Talked about relationships and school.
Maybe it was the way you looked at me,
or the fact that you even looked at me
But I wanted more from you,
More than the school hallways.

I still have your notes,
That we passed in Math class.
Do you remember them?
I remember how flattering it was
To watch you beg for homework answers.
I gave them all to you,
expecting a little something in return.
I gave you everything, you gave me nothing.

I truly loved our flirtationship
That is what I liked to call it at least
You gave me butterflies and I developed a crush
You had everything you ever wanted
Even a **** like me.

Its been years now,
And it still hurts; rejection.
But I have one more note to pass
I'm no longer the girl admiring you from afar
I'm the beautiful woman...you lost
But, don't mind me
I'm just writing you away.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 341
I Do Not Write
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
I do not write.
I express. I feel.
I make connections and describe scenes.
I can make you see a sound;
Hear a color.
I do not write.

Writing is for those who wish to please
But I do not plan to please
I plan to write what i want
I am the picture for selfishness.
Don't ask me to write a specific thing
I don't work like that.

Writing is not work,
Expressing is not hard.
I do not write for you
I write for me
so if you don't like my piece
well I don't give a ****.

Because in this world of mine
Everything is my way
So get on another train
Find a puppet for your demands
And leave me to my expressions
I do not write.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 1.4k
Mankind
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
Mankind has one thrill;
Questions without answers.
For if there are answers,
There are no more questions.
Without questions,
Mankind loses their purpose.
Fill the void and figure out
Why we are here and for how long.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 1.5k
Feathered Soul
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
Quietly she sits
in a the roar of society
Keeping to herself
Invisible to the passerby's

The wall feels the curve of her spine
and the ground bounces her foot
cracks in the cement keep her gaze
People passing and not seeing.

But I see her.
She has the aroma of anticipation
and the look of flight
Waiting there for her signal to take off.

The squeal of brakes are heard
brown eyes snap to see the sound.
Inexplicably grabbing her bag
Tightening her fist
with the contortion of uncertainty

What is she waiting for?
Here is her chance, her destiny
She struggles to move
Does she need a push like a baby bird?

Go! Go my feathered soul.
Don't hesitate
Don't look back
Answer your calling
Run! Jump! Soar!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 6.5k
Crazy
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
I want to be a little crazy.
I want to be crazy beautiful.
I want to be beautifully creative.
I want to be creatively inspiring.
I want to inspire those who want to be a little crazy.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 1.3k
Red Roses
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
Crusty brown mud covers injured soil
stopping the red roses from blooming.
Shovels pry at the ground
desperate to feel the thorns.

Tortured and torn;
the dirt is slowly dying
as roses roll down hills
leaving trails of red petals.

Staring above;
Enjoying the sensation
Loving the beauty
And fighting the desire to continue.

Calm winds carry voices;
Quickly the petals are washed away
and roses are plucked
as new mulch hides
The abused soil.

Watch the dirt heal
Wait for the chance
Take the shovel
And dig up the red roses
Relish in the thorns
And repeat the damage.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 2.1k
Where is my Tranquility?
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
From my temporary calm
I hear the glass clink on granite counter top.
The drops of devil’s liquid
And the swish of gluttony
Around the glass carriage
Sounds like nails in my ears

The limits of consumption have long been passed
Her character is burned in my mind;
The same person every night,
Her drooping face, eyes glassed over
Hair misplaced by too many touches
And her clothes are dragging away from her body

Her eyes scream goodbye
Spoken words slip with devil’s tongue
They bounce back and forth
And swirl in circles with no conclusion.
She looks like a fool and she sounds so mean.

Addiction and sin
Have captured her soul
And I’m such a fool
To think I’d ever have a permanent calm.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 718
From a Thousand Daydreams
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
I am from a thousand daydreams.
I see fairy dust lingering in the sunlight,
dancing around me, opening a world
of two massive castles against a lunar sky.

The battle bell rings,
And the fight for power begins.
Two different armies,
using magic and strength, to gain control.

I am from the leader of kings,
and i am the warrior princess,
with the power to win,
and the heart to rule.

The fire fury in the warriors' eyes
sends chills down each spine,
The last battle cry and the final slice,
ends the war, in my favor.

I am from the triumphed bevy
of gleaming armor and the perspiration of power.
My people cheer to the angels above,
as the sun rises, washing away, the ****** sky.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
Jan 2015 · 734
Paranoid
Shawn Callahan Jan 2015
Every creek
Jolts my head
And every step I make
turns into Thunder

Behind every door
lies a monster with Claws
and in the dark corners
wait hungry shadows.

They're always on my back
Waiting for me to drop my guard.
I continue to fidget,
slowly waiting for time to pass.

Quietly I listen to the silence
waiting to hear the Devil's call
but i hear voices; Murmuring.
Am i being tricked? Or is someone Here?
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

— The End —