A pressure weighing
Nothing seemed this heavy before
Nothing was so precious before
My whole world has been flipped brought smack back intoo reality
A love so pure
How can I muster the strength to wield such a strong and beautiful being
Your ailments become my own
Your achievements fill my my heart
Your presence brightens my darkest day
I am so blessed to have you in my life
I feel unworthy to call you my daughter
Just a breath could change everything.
To stop my chest growing so tight
This life is a maze,
To some just a path,
To others a confusing,
Never be afraid of what's not yet set,
Before you start to age.
Some may dither,
Others they stumble,
But you remain graceful & strong.
Your wit must have seen you some trouble,
But your charm surely helped you out of a few pickles.
That heart warming smile fills a room.
No one can ever compare to you.
My body is a temple, one I must uphold.
My body is a temple,
A temple with a few bricks askew?
The foundations no longer stable?
Moss and ivy growing up the sides, finding all the crevasses.
To look at, all but a natural beauty.
I'm weathered at such a ripe young age.
My body is a temple.
But this temple needs a grave.
I can't call the architect,
To tell them they ****** up.
All the sympathetic looks, or sideways glares.
No one truly understand the amount I learn,
from the way they look at me.
My body is a safety hazard.
No warning sign required.
Hips and arms clicking and cracking. Legs, back and neck no better
Ease me up gently and handle with care.
I'll bruise with the slightest pressure.
My temple may as well be completely collapsed right on top of me.
My temple has a leak causing the structure to rot.
I don't have the energy,
To fix myself again.
I don't have the energy.
I'm barely even still me.
In April last year I found out my bone cyst had returned in my right humorous. I later found out I had been misdiagnosed and actually had something called Fibrous Dysplasia (https://www.fibrousdysplasia.org/)
Which is something a lot more serious than an Anuerysmal Bone Cyst which is what I previously thought I had.
Without sounding mellow dramatic I hope I was able to portray how my body feels on a day to day basis with chronic pain.
Little by little I step away from myself
To be true to myself
If only to find myself
Overcoming the weight of emotional stress/trauma.
I, solemnly swear... . . . .
I've never met you.
I could lie through my teeth, & you have to take my word for it.
Of course I have lack of faith.
When I have to trust ******* like this.
Our future is dependent on imbeciles.
Like the forests, the lakes, & streams.
Shivering at this thought is an understatement.
The world WILL go on, Mother Nature will rise up & rid herself of the parasites.
That is why I struggle to sleep at night.
I, solemnly swear to do better by this planet.
At a ripe young age my imagination would take me to faraway lands, where I knew I was safe because you were there to guide me.
As I grew I became confused by decisions made for me,
I was upset because you were my Dad but were unable to be there for me.
Headstrong & stubborn with an attitude to boot, are just a couple of reasons we clashed.
Whirling & twirling down a chaotic self destructive path.
Too scared to scream.
Too tired to ask for help.
I wish I had listened to you.
As I grow now I remember the guidance you gave me, I cherish the moments of laughter & memories you made with me. I regret the years we missed amidst all the chaos.
Seeing passion & knowledge just flowing out of you.
Taking the time to know you, become your friend as well as your daughter.
I love you Dad with all my heart, I'm just sorry I didn't say it sooner xo.
******* just let me sleep,
without nightmares or fare.
Without pain from clenching & grinding my teeth to the core.
Just please let me sleep.
Without aching tense muscles,
dread & anything more.
One night without clammy fists fulls of hair,
sheets drenched and clinging with sweat.
I weep as dawn breaks for I know my slumber awaits,
& the lord won't allow me to sleep.
As the tears stream down her solemn face
The curtains fall
The mask drops
As her 'friends' disappear
She looked up at him and smiled.
For she knew whatever she had to face, as long as she had him,
She'd be home.
The dew drenched garden on a crisp Autumn morning.
Birds singing their song as you start your day.
Mist rolling over the Hunter Hills & down the galley, creating a lite fog throughout the town.
Your shoes become slicker with moisture, flicking drips into the air as you crunch through the leaves on your walk to school.
Teeth chattering as you make your your journey, steam rising from your mouth a constant reminder of the porige you had for breakfast.
Young & oblivious to the beautiful scenery that surrounds you.
The days when the worst part is facing possible detention.
If only I knew then just how easy I had it.
Thrown back a melenia, learning to crawl and take those first steps once again.
Thrown into the darkest corners in my mind, made to confront those fears.
Vulnerability, an understatement.
You could never imagine the cool slime like shield that surrounds my form.
Once a bubble,
Clean & pure now burst torn & ripped into a million little pieces making it impossible to put back together again.
I weep for my inner child,
Those demons & torment haunting me.
My dreams what once were, now will never be.
Blanketed in your warm embrace.
Carrying me threw time and space.
Everything becomes right.
To be is to ponder,
Taking every waking moment & nourishing it giving it life as though it were your last.
For without it you simply wouldn't be.
Let go of hate caused by wrong doings brought upon you.
The peace & lightness that follows will guide you for the rest of time.
LOVE whole heartedly toward every living being.
So torn within myself.
A battle I'm unfit to fight in let alone win.
On the brink of tears at every moment of the day.
Jealousy, anxiety, nill confidence and self esteem.
Constantly apologising to those around me.
How could I have been so foolish and naive to try and bury these burdens praying they wouldn't catch up with me.
I don't want pity or to be cradled and told "everything will be alright."
All I want is to feel I'm in control of my emotions and begin to feel less alien in my own skin.
Ive been running for years, never feeling safe or at ease. No sense of 'home' until that day you held me.
My lifes been a lie, countless masks to face whatever gets thrown at me. Hiding from those demons that chase & torment me, too frightened & weak to tackle this road alone.
I feel safe when im with you, you're my best friend & my protector.
Ive trusted in you, pried open doors that were sealed with rust and vines.
Ive trusted in you, pieces of me im too afraid to look at alone.
I give you my hand, my hearts already yours.
Cris-crossing as you walk down the line,
Avoiding the glear from the shallow glassyfaced individuals.
A smile would crack their "perfect" complexion.
No appreciation nor gratitude for tomorrow, just keep picking at your flesh wound to gain some satisfaction.
Never mind the scar.
Glorified pen pushers making a mockery out of a civilised man.
Civil only to avoid brutality & jail from those who couldn't show an ounce of respect.
I weep & bow my head in shame as I watch this world unravel.
I will always see the cheese in all of those romantic quotes,
But I finally understand what they mean by "two hearts meeting and together become one."
Yes we argue from time to time & have our differences,
We're only human.
You encourage & push me to be the best that I can.
Its hard for you but at least you try to show me sympathy when im upset or hurt.
You care for & hold me even if I put up an unnecessary fight.
You make me laugh even when at times I want to cry.
I look at you & feel a wave of warmth flood through me as butterflies dance inside me.
I still feel nervous around you,
Wanting to impress and please you at any opportunity.
I want to build a life with you,
Hand in hand.
Help fulfil each others dreams & longings.
I love you with every ounce of me.
You caught me in a webb from the first day we met.
I knew I wanted to know you more,
Although unsure of what more meant.
Intrigued by your quirky sense of humor,
Those soft caring eyes I could swim in for days.
That smile melted my heart & swept me away.
I feel safe when I'm with you as though I'm finally home.
Your little imperfections are what make you beautiful,
I'll promise to never mould or change you.
This is a little piece of me,
To show what you mean to me.
I give you my locket & key.
Mistaken guidance puts a fog like haze on reality.
Trying to figure out the point to " needing to make something of my life".
Constantly stuck in the mud with all these zombies of today.
Being force fed.
Feeding tube rammed down our throats to make their garbage easier for us to swallow.
Everything that life has to offer us is becoming a privilege,
Or taxed to benefit the hierarchy of the country.
Its becoming all we have left.
I wish I could flip a switch & revert back to childhood.
So free spirited,
Attaining pure joy from the simplest of things.
The world hasn't been tainted by its evil truths,
Slimey slithery bugs being flung in your hair were the worst of your troubles.
Content with your imagination,
Everyday filled to the brim with magical forest creatures.
When did our curtain of innocence get lifted,
The older we get the more hostile and brittle the world becomes.
I dont want to be in a world where we dont get to hear the children play.
Floating through the sky as though I were as light as paper.
Letting the breeze take me on a journey,
Don't worry about tomorrow its yet to exists.
Through thunder and hail and winds I couldn't bare to imagine.
I become a rag doll.
Thrown in any direction.
Tattered and ripped.
Amongst the vines&mis;;, soft mossy ground under foot&the; smell of rain in the air.
Get lost with me in this magical land where the catipilars are bright and allseeing.
Get lost with me where i'll give you a little piece of me & open up a door for you to see into the depths of me.
I'm slipping down a rabbit hole.
I hope you'll be there to catch me when I fall.
There I lay,
All innereds discarded along side the rubble.
Dark shadows cascading faces to the mundane.
Confused & tormented,
Uncertain of where to turn.
I find you.
Both battered & bruised.
Scared & confused.
I'll be your light,
Warmth & comfort.
A safe-haven to rest your weary head.
Smudging the lines, to try feel secure.
Trying to find the "black and white" among all this chaotic colour.
The little dog sweeping the path as I go "Are you trying to confuse me more?"
Left to my own demise,
Maybe what I want really isn't what I need?
Alone & constricted, could I be anymore confused?
Amnesia will fix this,
Wipe the slate clean. Isn't that what they say?
Who are they? & why wont they give me any answers?
I'm tired of putting on this face.
I wont apologize if it offends you.
Do you ever get the feeling you're trapped, or in captivity?
Not by the true meaning of the word.
An overwhelming feeling you try, but cannot escape from.
Forbidden topics we feel should never be mentioned, there lays part of the problem.
We need to learn to reach for one another, help each other break free from these chains we've imprisoned ourselves in.
Maybe then we will be able to heal our home.
I've fallen,* lost and alone inside this beautiful abyss.
I wonder how I found myself here, somehow this light reflecting, radiating and submerging me is making it all seem alright.
I found you,in a time of need. Broken in such subtle ways, my spirit is here to guide me.
I don't want to fix you, and I'd be a fool to think you could fix me. Maybe, just maybe we can become more at ease.
Through the rain and deepest of snow, howling winds that whistle and sigh. We can wait out the storm in this little bungalow
I would wait, for you, a life time.
Just enjoy us in the NOW and see where it takes you.
Let go and be free, I'll be here to catch you
Scratching from the inside, hurts more than the physical sense.
A shattering within my chest. Emotions on a tidal wave that has just smashed into shore.
I shouldn't trust my own judgement's anymore.
This is clearly not my shining hour.
Not enough people sit and observe the world today,
or their closest peers in it.
Too much time spent on trying to get things done, and then wonder how it seldom goes according to plan.
Too much time spent worrying, then wondering where their lives went.
So much beauty, laughter and joy slipping through the cracks.
Never being experienced, never given life nor a chance to shine.
Does it make you saddened to think you may be missing so much of life?
The little things, all because of this thing called "time" may cease to exist.
Yesterday, I could see clearly.
Thinking & actions flowed freely on their own accord.
[ Where is my mind? ]
Yesterday, "things" mattered.
I had goals.
Or so I thought?
I didn't worry about the way I stood, or whether I have a "dorky" look. Because today I saw you.
I was struck with awe by the mere presence of you.
If my limbs hadn't of frozen, then maybe I would have spoken to you. As the days roll by this fog grows thicker, you've become a form of block in my mind. [ Just think something rational! I swear I've forgotten how!]
It's a beautiful dream I've planned out for you & me.
But I know I'll be, forever alone
Written for a dear friend of mine to help him to understand infatuation and it's wicked ways
Blanketed beneath your warm embrace, I'm comforted by your tender spirit.
Learning each other, getting closer & fonder.
We're fragile creatures still finding our tongues.
Spirited away through the nightly hollows, like finding peace among the stars letting the journey unfold & become clearer to see.
I wont be frightened, only eager for what's to come.
Knowing my soul sings louder, I wonder if your song has even begun?
My own advice must be lacking in something.
Will I in turn become defeated by my own dimise?
What doesn't break you makes you stronger.
Well maybe Im tired of being broken.
Hiding inside my head for now, let me know when you've found "an easy way out"
Projecting through time, space and the now,
no sense of time, we all know that doesn't matter.
Seeing through a lens of pixelated imagery,
no wonder none of this ever seems like reality.
Just take a minute.
Sit back and breath a little deeper.
Take in the beauty of every living thing.
Appreciate what you have and to be able to witness today.
Make a stand for something that truly matters.
Make your heart smile and soul sing,
for your projections will be all you have left.
So don't take for granted those little things.
As a shiver runs' up my spine
Expecting your sweet warm breath to brush the side of my neck
Those delicious lips
I try only to struggle to get them from my mind
If only for a little while
On repeat in my mind
Flicking through the scenes as though watching them on a screen
My hands running through your hair, completely captivated by your stare
Eyes' locked as you pull me in closer
Feeling completely alone and invisible on this dance floor
Hot and heavy
Now you're a memory on my lips
No one hears the last cry
As the bottle falls from her hand
Not a drop left
Laying beside her
A solem bottle of pills
She lys there helplessly
So peaceful and free
True translucent sphares ascending down upon me
Amongst this chaotic mess
The beauty slanted & warping in time
Cascade your light on those who need it
For I am too far to find
At home in the darkness with all it's little creatures
Don't leave me to my own dimise
I'm not lost
No need for pitty
So don't pull back my shades to where I feel most at home
Lay down your gun
Under these circumstance you've already won
I could try & tip-toe away
But these feelings
Begging me to stay
Found myself at another masquerade
Unsure of where to turn to
So I fall
But falling isn't the problem
It's whether you'll be there to catch me at all
No longer do wander aimlessly,
I've found my "path" so to speak.
It may not be yellow
Nor paved for the eye to see
Yet it somehow shines brighter
Radiating through me.
I wonder when the foggy haze will return to taint my view
Such a serene sense of serendipity one can never get use to
No more boarders on my horizon therefore I know this calling to be true
All that's left is to take that leap
Step out into the great unknown
Once was a little humming bird
So innocent & true
He loved a good adventure
But longed for something new
Singing his sweetest tune
Unsure of where & how he knew
That the distant land would hold something much less than fulfilling
For that little humming bird
Had been searching foreign lands
Wanting excitement & ambience but was missing so much more
So now that little humming birds sings to a different tune
He's now searching inside himself to be happier & strong
For within finding his inner peace he saw further than ever imagined
When you smile a smile that's warming&tru;;
The one receiving it may no longer feel confused or blue.
Such a simple gesture
To be acknowledged
A Feeling you can't easily express
When in a single moment they understood you.
The weight of the world
By a complete stranger,
It's almost unheard of now.
Do you even know your neighbors?
Or the names of those servers at your childhood dairy?
But would you ask a stranger for help?
I was taught to "Never speak to strangers"
But I soon learnt that had a flaw,
How are we to meet different walks of life
If we ignore every passerby?
Crumbling away into the ocean
The tides weathered you over time.
A rustic beauty that suits better with age.
I long to know your story&where;, it all began
So at peace and content,
many pass you by without a second glance.
I believe not a single being can tear you down to size.
For your always caught by your own demise,
With so much to offer
&evenmore; to gain;
Do you ever wonder how they go insane?
I hope you keep at your story
Maybe locked in a wooden case,
For the stories given up on were never worth the chase.
Infects the mind.
*inside the lines
Suspended on this apparatus
No true sense of time
Everything being portrayed to be fine.
No, That word's not mine?
Simply borrowed from a friend of mine.
The perfect peace ascends down
From the beautiful stratosphere.
Continually unsure of how it all works
My small contribution barely making a scratch on the surface
So why are we always wanting more?
More "space" for my "Things"
More "time" in my day
More "money" for my 'things"
More acknowledgement for my "time"
Surely we can be happier with less?
For I feel at ease barely scratching the surface...
If I could write in but one book,
Fill all the spaces,
Nook to crook.
A soft leather cover would be my chosen look.
This, my signature
Or will an Alter Ego sit better on the cover?
For if I wrote in but one book
I wouldn't become "run of the mill"
Captivation and surprise, while keeping you suspended close to the edge.
For there's a fine line between a good book & bad
I hope I keep a steady hand
For if I could write in but one book,
My life's compilation,
My signature book.
Whats happened to all
"The little things in life"?
Am I the only one who takes in a breath of appreciation for my surroundings?
Am I alone amongst the foliage and canapay of nature? Loving its raw beauty, with all it has to offer.
I just long to get amongst it
From frolicing through a field, falling, laughing in fits of pure joy.
Splashing, paddling, shrieking with excitement amongst the cooling waves.
To sitting in silence, watching the tranqual change from day to night. Colours with such vibrance and flavor I can't help but get lost in time.
Dada beepbodo beepbodo
These songs rambling in my head
Making sense of what was said
With a little tingtang fizzle
Maken ma ***** wanna wiggle
Before your caught slackin
You might get a smackin
With a paper reading
This is your written warning!
fogging up my mind
Bluring the lines
Already so hard to see.
A momentary laps in time
The delusions not so few
Nor far behind
One thing remains true
A solid grounding
A form of security
A reason to be happy
The love from another
The sweetest touch
Too often tainted by a poisonous slur
They can bring a whirl wind of confusion
Landing you in a safe haven or
Broken and battered like never before
So afraid of the unknown
Our little heart shaped box
Seems to be keeping score
Never quite sure
For the bee's that sting
There's a thorn that *****'s
Shadow's dark and dreary
Few creatures soft and cute
So where's this key to fit the lock
Maybe forever hidden
In a pixies frock.
Constricting in this tangled web.
Wheres my inner peace?
My calling to be free?
Free from this chaos inside of me!
I don't want to play your 'tic tac toe'
Or hear the 'click click clacking' reminding me you've won
My mind is all that separates the 'slaves of the nation' from myself,
No true calling
No inner desire
Now build down your walls!
No need for a name, your 'security' is just the same.
Keep attaching yourself to objects,
As easy as
Now they're gone too
Tired of the torment and distruction,
Countless sleepless nights, filled with worry and dred. Home is your shelter where one goes to find refuge,
Shouldn't it be?
Tip toe from room to room,
Finding solitude amongst isolation.
Try to build a safe haven.
******* for tearing it down, trying to break down these walls that took me my life to build.
You're nothing, worthless, I almost pitty you but that would mean you're worthy of my thoughts.
Hate you? I don't.
Despise you? I don't.
You hold nothing over me, apart from the one I fear for.
How dear you break her and tear her down,
You will never amount to be even half of who she is.
Justice will be served on a silver platter,
You won't see it coming,
I hope then you'll live in fear.
And I'll be able to sleep through the night.