such worry i once had
is now pouring down
if i keep on swimming
then i may just drown

i'm such a happy girl
i smile for my friends
i still have a voice to laugh
but why do i still cry myself to sleep?

blame me for you troubles
because i run away
but you should have known
i was never here to stay

you find out who i really am
a traitor i am indeed
but who will i really betray
whoever i don't need

people feared your name
only say it letter by letter
but when compared to them
to me i think you are better

twist my words around me
into what i have never said
think what you want to think
and continue to be mislead

a drop of spilled ink is permanent
never to be erased
but the ink flowing into my blood
is not the smallest i have faced

i'm fated to be evil
but that can't be right
if i was meant to be darkness
i wouldn't be so bright

Lay a kiss upon my cheek,
Bring me to the unknown,
Because the world is a cruel place,
As people’s actions have shown.

my heart wrapped in chains
for just a little bit longer
when i was released and healed
my heart was just a bit stronger

we harm the flowers we think are most beautiful
to add to our hair
to make ourselves seem more beautiful
we harm others who we think have the potential to be better
to make them appear worse
to make ourselves seem more beautiful
to those of you who are bullied
you are just a beautiful flower to them

i hate math
not because it's boring
or it requires work
but because it is the thing
that causes my mom and i
to fight
you won't realize this
thinking it's only a shallow opinion
but to me
math is a wall
separating me
from love

i love the cold rain
because when it is raining
no one knows you cry

seconds to start
years to build
broken with a single lie
hurt in moments
memories lost
regretted with nights of cries

destruction can be screams and cries
but it's even worse in exchanged lies

the earth is my best friend
she will be there to catch me when i fall

when you need a useless friend
i'll be here
the person you laugh with
but won't love
i'll be here
to have a substitution
but will never be first
i'll be here
someone who will put on a smile
but later cries alone
i'll be here

all of the stars have disappeared
ridding the midnight of it's life

there is still one star left
the one who is struggling to brighten up it's world
the lonely star that is left
abandoned
like me

my melody is the very color of the paint
that fills the sky with blue
my lyrics are the air that i breath
as the winds flow along with beauty
and my voice is the one star in the sky
standing out to brighten a lonely night

Emory Austin once said
Sometimes there won't be
a song in your heart
Sing it anyways
but what if  i'm not given
the voice
to sing it?

what is harder to keep?
your love
or my sanity?

sadness is my closest friend
even though we never meet
he's somehow always there for me
when i'm fighting through defeat
his soothing tones drive me close
to my insanity
and although i don't call him
he still waits for me

i never liked pain
yet i fell in love with it

she is silver to his gold
her tone as cold as snow
he finds her and chases her
he's faster than she's slow

she runs away from him
but he refuses her answer
because as much as she hates him
that's how much he loves her

she falls weeping to the ground
praying to the earth
which plants her as a tree
and allowing her rebirth

he cries among her branches
winds a laurel wreath
he hates himself for trying
and he lives in his grief

they ask me
what is depression like?
they later leave me alone
going with other people
and i curl up in my bed
and cry
that is my depression
the cold feeling that settles around me like a cloud
watching them
when my tears are condensed into fog
clouding my eyes
all i want to do is to see clearly
i'm trapped in a hallway
with no end
i'm running and running from my depression
i feel nothing
when i suddenly fall
the dread that hangs around me all day

they don't notice
my fake smiles and teary eyes
my gloom hidden behind a mask of unfeeling
that
to me
is my depression

her skin is gleaming and gold
as precious as her smile
her eyes are brown with specks of green
like the first leaves of spring
she radiates growth
like mother nature herself
she is an everlasting rose
vibrant and sweet

i let you go,
made you hate me.
your beauty and kindness
why couldn't i see
that you love me so much
but i don't know why
now that you're gone
it's my turn to cry

the last time i said thank you to you
i said thank you for nothing

but i can thank you now
thank you for teaching me what not to be

broken promises lined you lips
as you spoke out more

your promises are like a drug
they make everything okay
but only for a moment
leaving me even more broken

your tongue spits out fire
burning the skin on my heart

you give me fear
to ever fall in love again

to ever make a promise again

daddy used to call me his little warrior
his little princess
his little mulan

princesses have happy endings
so i will have mine too
right?

mulan finds the love of her life
she saves her homeland
my best friend just fell in love with someone else

i stare at my reflection
showing who i am inside
through my smiling facade
all i see is condensed sadness
i see tears

today we learned about the real mulan
she killed herself

i hold a knife
i am my father's princess
but princesses don't all get happy endings

steel meets flesh
blood meets earth

she was a child
and she got sick
she lost all of her hair
the crown to her head

years later
she rips off her wig
and dances to the world

it was a normal day
too normal for visions
but he told me what he saw
red figures dragging me down to hell
in chains
the flickers of fire
as vivid and bright as the devil's eyes
i'm a step away from the pit
pulling me
only god's will is holding me up
then an angel descends
helps me up
and brings me away
i wasn't christian then
i didn't understand

two years later
i am standing at the line between life and death
a silver knife in my hand
but i remember those around me
in my hazy thoughts of hatred
i thought people cared
i remember what he said
and angel pulling me away from hell
it'd changed my life

he is truly a messenger from god

when i poured out my heart
and got pain in return
i loved too deep
god, i never learn
i cry my tears forever
to no one's concern
and i am betrayed
the angry pain that burns

she's a beauty
the midnight of stars with a stream of galaxy
she's breathtaking
as breathtaking as the shower of gold
she's a mystery
like the deep waters, dark and dangerous
she's platinum
precious that doesn't rust away

they say no one dies alone
and it's cruel
but once i pass
i will leave a hole in my sister's heart
once my sadness ends
her sadness will begin
forever

my only hope for you
my love
is that some day
they will stop clipping your wings
and you will fly with your silver feathers

Trade me some beauty,
and I will give you silver skies.
Speckled with ***** gaze,
of stars,
like silver glitter spilled in a river,
yet in a world above,
it seems not tainted by life,
only a still galaxy
of perfection.

Trade me some beauty,
and I will give you silver skies,
so you can gaze into a different world,
and start your own dreams.

behind monochrome layers of fog,
clouds,
ice,
are beauties of the natural world.
long forgotten and taken for granted,
a variety of reds,
blues,
yellows pile up.
our spectrum -
our prism of crystal glimmers -
fill up our everything.
now,
fading away in my remembrance,
remains nothing but a sheer shine,
a dazzling imagination
filled with extraordinary visions,
replacing the wonderland
outside of it.

The times you stared,
Into the glass,
Gazing at your flaws,
And wondering what could pass.

You don’t need to beware,
Of yourself or your looks,
You don’t have to feel weird,
For burying yourself in books.

What others think,
Should not matter to you,
It’s only what you think,
That really matters, to be true.

Stop being harsh,
For what you seem to be,
Enhance what’s inside,
The things you can’t see.

Don’t judge yourself,
By what is staring back,
Through your bitter mirror,
Letting self doubt attack.

Through your cracked eyes,
You see only the outside,
So search a little deeper,
Push your mirror aside.

See what you are,
Not what's unsuitable,
Because then you'll never see,
That you are beautiful.

I remember,
When I was eight.
I held a silver blade over my pale wrist.
But it told me to stop,
And so I slipped it away.
I remember,
When I was fourteen.
I brought out that same blade,
Along with two others.
Silver, black, blue.
Yet again,
They told me to forget.
Regretfully,
I hid them in the drawer of my wooden desk.
I remember,
When I was eighteen.
Ready to end everything,
I brought out all five of them.
Silver, black, blue, white, green.
For all my deadly sins,
I deserved them.
Tears welled but were never shed.
My guardians,
They told me to rise up,
To continue to make memories.

You lay bruises,
Across my broken skin,
You let me fall to the ground,
You shoved self doubt in.

The dust and dirt,
Is where you dropped me,
Yet you still refuse to go,
Refuse to let me be.

You scattered words on me,
The bitter, sour words,
As if the broken bones could hurt more,
The thought is just absurd.

The sky is right above,
But the ground is all I can reach,
If only there was a ladder,
To heaven from the beach.

The horizon is just one line,
One line I cannot cross,
The climb is just impossible,
For someone who’s life is loss.

I’m shackled to solid earth,
With chains of iron and stone,
No matter how much hammering,
I’m trapped here, alone.

I’m finding a way to smash them,
To crack the hard harsh chains,
How can I stand up right,
If like a hungry dog trails pain?

I’m not going to climb,
Over horizon to the sky,
I’m not going to jump over,
I am going to fly.