I've heard people say countless times that Valentine's Day isn't easy for everyone

referring of course to the single people out there

but my name was never mentioned regardless of my relationship status,

because I was a special situation

three years ago to the day, my mother committed suicide

three long and somehow short years ago my mother took both her life, and a good chunk of mine

no chocolates

flowers

cards

or "I'm sorry"

can make me have a Happy Valentine's Day

on days filled with roses and kisses,

my day will be filled with sobs of regret and glimpses of similarities in mine and my mother's situation,

the desire for everything to stand still

on days filled with romance and anticipation you can find me trying my best to stay distracted, and failing at it one hundred percent.

on days of love, you can find me wishing for death.

On his lonely boat
In an ocean filled with broken fish
Swimming
Surviving at the depths
Waiting to be rescued

The fisherman waits
Patiently
Examining the fish below
Waiting for his time
To use words of kindness and care
In the form of a hidden agenda

These lost fish
Desperate to find light in their darkness
They spot a sparkle at the end of his line
They observe the beauty and go to that glimmer
The goodness the fisherman is showing
They bite into his masked perception
And realize they are getting reeled
In disbelief as they get hooked closer
He snaps!
The bait out of their mouth
This kind fisherman now owns them
As they live in his bucket
Among other young fish
Controlled by him
He, who loves to play games with their fragile minds
To feel powerful and whole
As he feeds them weakness
Deviously devouring their soul
Piece by piece
Until only their skeleton remains.
One managed to escape his asylum.  

As he casted his line
Back in the blue of hope
She watched his lines
Filled with glitter
Nearing another
How does she warn the lost fish in her sea?

© Jl 2016

One more breath..
I promise..when I fully allow my lungs to inhale..ill listen for you.
One more exhale..upon the last release of pain from this chest..ill utter praise..
One last fragment of my heart dropping like glass on a stone surface..crumbling before you..hear my hearts plea..
Gripping the surface of the earth with all that's within me..prying at the crumbles of gravel below my knees..crawling..at the pace less than a snail...hear my heart...it wails..it sees the wholeness of all that you offer...
Scratching at hells door..knees bloodied..screaming at the top of my lungs..