I've heard people say countless times that Valentine's Day isn't easy for everyone

referring of course to the single people out there

but my name was never mentioned regardless of my relationship status,

because I was a special situation

three years ago to the day, my mother committed suicide

three long and somehow short years ago my mother took both her life, and a good chunk of mine

no chocolates

flowers

cards

or "I'm sorry"

can make me have a Happy Valentine's Day

on days filled with roses and kisses,

my day will be filled with sobs of regret and glimpses of similarities in mine and my mother's situation,

the desire for everything to stand still

on days filled with romance and anticipation you can find me trying my best to stay distracted, and failing at it one hundred percent.

on days of love, you can find me wishing for death.