I found her
Kissing her knees
Cupping her neck
Gasping to feel a pulse
Nails bitten to the core
Spewing profanities
About how everyday ends on a cliffhanger
She stood slowly
Defiantly
Tiny and dainty
Hair a messy mane
A lioness
Concealed beneath layers of indifference
Her hands trembled
And her body swayed
I won't beg she growled
Feral and wild
As though her lips were not a flat line like that on a heartbeat monitor
She reminds me of what it felt like to be betrayed
And what it felt like to be loved
She made me want to get involved in something I no longer believe in
I am a cathedral of deadbolts
And she made me want to change the locks

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Washed up.
Lifeless.
All for a new life too far to reach?

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Terrorists
Heartless.
What happened to the human rights we all preach?

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
Traffickers.
Gangs.
Displacing people no home and no speech.

Why is there a little boy lying on the beach?
A son.
No future.
We hang our heads and weep!

how hard can it be to love someone filled with a chronic emptiness in the place of emotions
and eye lids that stay open long after the lights have dimmed because they are
swimming in intrusive waters belonging to a diseased mind
always wondering when you will leave
so they push you away even when their heart demands that you stay
demands that they will pay for
over and over and over
in the form of playing the villian in the relationship
by unintentionally tearing the two of you apart
until the only thing left to do is leave
the one thing that people in their life excel at

how hard can it be to maintain a friendship with someone who wants to abandon you
before you abandon them
playing tug of war with the thought of just never speaking to you again
even though you are one of their favorite people
trying to make the inevitable "easier"
because nothing lasts forever in their world
not even when they want it to
"best friends forever" is hard to cling on to
when they are convinced that the person smiling in their face
is also plunging knives into their back at every turn

how hard can it be to be the person dishing out all of these punishments
knowing that she is only punishing herself
punishing anyone who tries to get close to her in the twisted belief that she is saving them
from her gravitational personality
and her stellar smile
that can only end in disaster
because there is no beauty at the center of a black hole
only the absence of being

j.e.m (1/14/2016)

She lives in her room
In front of a screen
Always talking to you
She screams talk to me

You hate leaving her alone
But people call for you to
answer the phone
If only you could be beside her

Always, you want to stay near
Because you're well aware that
behind the screen she fears
you'll be taken away

Further than distance can convey
Little does she know you live the same way.

There's both pros and cons* to being a boy with a heart of gold.
You see, gold is a malleable material; it's easy to mold.
I'd give anything, everything just for somebody to love,
So I roll the dice; compromise. I guess that isn't enough.

So when the *love of my life rears her ugly head, and I'd rather be dead instead of single.
I made the best of a bad situation but I never saw the worst in people.

There's both pros and cons to being a boy with a mind of stone.
You see, it's easy to shut out the world, but I feel so alone.
I'd do anything, anything, just for somebody who cares.
I can't point the blame, what a shame. I guess that it's only fair.

So when a new opportunity comes around the corner, I'm unfortunately not able to mingle,
'Cause I make the worst of the best situations, and I never seem to take to the best of people.

But there's no pros, only cons, for being afraid to love,
'Cause you'll sit back and cherish those moments from Heavens above.
And there's no pros, only cons, to shutting out those who care.
'Cause maybe you'll realize that life wasn't being unfair.

There's no pros, only cons when you don't know the pros,
So you think that they're gone, but no one can know.
I hope you can see how I stay optimistic.
Just take it from me: The hopeless romantic.

So when the love of my life turns her pretty face, and she smiles so gracefully walking down the steeple.
I'll make the most of what life has to offer, when I finally meet the best of people.

I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret

.
.
.
*I cry alone
Because that’s how I stay strong,

I cry alone,
Because that’s how I protect myself

I cry alone,
Because that’s how I stay ahead
of the game the next day.

I suffer my own struggle alone
And you wouldn’t why

I’m hurting inside
And you wouldn’t know why

I isolate myself
And you wouldn’t know why

I’m lonely
And still you wouldn’t know why.