My body
is scarred
and bruised
and breaking

My brain
is scattered
and lost
and buzzing

My thoughts
are deep
and painful
and groaning

My smile
is
the same.

you said you used to believe
that i was the same as the rest.
"And am I? Now that you know me?" i asked you.
"Not at all."
i took it as a compliment,
it made me proud that you saw
the things that set me apart from them..
my accomplishments.
but get this;
you are them.
there are things that set you apart from the rest, yes.
but you are just like them.
and your heart is chained just like theirs.
you are not who i thought you were.
you let me believe you were different
but when it came down to raw,
unfiltered sentiment,
you
didn't
care.
i will always, always care
but not like this.

When my joy is lost, I smile because life has a lost and found.
When the power goes out, I smile because it's an adventure.
When I almost crash my car, I smile because it was just an almost.
When thunder crashes and I'm petrified with childhood fears, I hold my blankets tight and I am thankful the thunder is only a natural occurrence and not bombs crashing on my house.
When I get 2 hours of sleep because nightmares kept me awake, I laugh because I can always sleep another time.
When I forget what hope is, I smile because it's woven into my being so tightly that I can always feel it, even if I've forgotten what it is.
When I can't breathe and my world is spinning, I smile because I know I haven't died yet.
When I can no longer get out of bed because I am so sore from the pain of life, I smile because being late to school isn't the worst thing that can happen.
When everything is lost, I smile because I am lost too.