Sleepless nights play a game of tag with me
Will they ever catch me?
I race ahead, with success and ambitions engraved into my mind and spirit
Newfound strength pulses through my veins, becoming my new lifeblood
I will not stop
Not until I am fulfilled
Never

Once upon a time
There was a girl who dared to dream
In the cold, air conditioned room of reality she sat
For hours on end
Suddenly, her rescuer appeared
Golden yarns of sunshine leaked through the windows,
Wrapping themselves around her,
Pulling her away
In the blink of an eye
She was no longer in the place of gloom
But in a magnificent garden
Where flowers of every kind, like her,
Dared to bloom
She tarried there
For hours, days, weeks
Sitting amongst the blossoms
Admiring them and befriending
The other children who would arrive from their own prisons
Each backstory unique,
Some grotesque, some disheartening
But that mattered not
For the children would wrap their fingers
Around each other's cold hands
And begin again
In this new, dreamlike place

The waves in your hair drive me mad
the shine in your eyes makes me glad
You make me smile out of the blue
I never dreamed you'd see me too
Do you love me?

those eyes of yours do make me swoon
my focus travels to the moon
Your aura hints at some romance
I pray that you will take this chance
Do you love me?

darling your smile lights up a room
it makes the dead grin in their tombs
I hope you know how much you're worth
at last I've given up my search
Do you love me?

Where have you been my whole long life,
while I was pained and filled with strife?
One might say you're rather sweet,
I say you make life complete
Do you love me?

Some must traverse far and wide,
to find their grooms, to find their brides
for you I'd travel seven seas
I hope I am your wife-to-be
Do you love me?

waves of calm take me over,
rippling through my mind, body, being

the pure, crisp water washes me clean
as I float on the surface

Oh! Teach me how to be relaxed so!
Are your waves like the choppy seas
in my own life? Or do you just try to
empathize?

Nonetheless, I do enjoy it,
being alone with only you and my thoughts
your encouragement letting me dive
into the deepest realms of my mind
that which I avoid in others company

True, you are silent; a mystery
Yet I feel that is what I love about you most

I remember once upon a time
It was all fun and games till you arrived
the sun shone and the birds sang
the clouds smiled and I loved to play
There was heaviness in the air
that I never could explain
pushed it down as best I could
but now I’m feeling the pain
I’m free at last from your hold
I will never fit your mould
I’m free as a bird and I’ll never come back
No more mind games with me picking up your slack
You said you were sorry but how true is that
after years and years you can’t bring me back
it takes a thousand I love you’s to mend a broken heart
it’s way too late now for you to make a fresh new start
No more lies is what I strive to hear
No more lies and shouts and broken spirits and living in constant fear
I’m ready to let you go and run away into the night
I’m a grown girl now and I am ready to fight

It would have been better if you had left me for dead in the woods,
no sun, no air, no water, no chance of survival,
and yet you choose to let me live like this,
in a state of madness that I can't control.
I should have seen it coming from the start
Our paths were destined to part,
yet I was a fool and believed the smile
you used to enchant me with.
I should've known it was all a cruel lie
it was in front of me the whole time,
all those memories that I cherished.
What goes up must come down.
Well, that explains a lot, considering that
many a few times I thought we were both on cloud nine.
We fell like a damaged airplane,
crashing and burning.
You told me you knew you would make a mistake.
I'd be surprised if you haven't already made it.
I went through hell and high water for you,
yet you would now be inconvenienced to give me
the time of day.
All our friends were convinced we would live in bliss;
be ninety years old sipping lemonade and watching our grandchildren
running on our lawn.
I thought they were right.
And yet, I see your face wherever I go.
Every distraction somehow fails.
Strangely though, the thing I am most angry about...
is the fact that you never came after me.
I miss the beating of your heart next to mine.
I miss dancing with you in the moonlight.
I miss you.

I got the text an hour ago
That confirmed my secret fear
In the back of my mind
The demon dwelled
Seething, growing, gnawing, steering
The vehicle of self doubt
I thought that it would hurt more
At least superficially
But somehow knowing the truth
Is oddly comforting
Don't get me wrong
The tears I shed were real,
Authentic and yet fleeting
Perhaps it hasn't hit me yet

Round and round and round
We go
When we stop
No one knows
Hurry hurry,
Claim your spot
Unless you want
To be called out
The song is playing
A love tune
Ain't it ironic
When you're alone?
You see the one
You want to claim
It beckons you
And calls your name
Closer, closer
You come to it
Euphoria will
Be experienced
The senses heighten
The song will end
Could it be true
That you will win?
A sudden pause
The music stops
You weren't ready
Your jaw drops
You pause to blink
It becomes blatant
That all the good ones
have been taken

One year more I watched that glistening bauble
drop from the heavens above
Celebrities were kissing
while I watched; innocent as a dove
One hand held I a mocktail
the other held the remote
my iPhone 5 was on my lap
the drink running down my throat
I was starting to get nervous
as the year was ending soon
these next few seconds
were intense
or I was crazy as a loon
My love of  just two months
was conversing then with me
He was away but I was here
it was him I wished to see
Then at last the time had come
to welcome the New Year
My heart stopped as I sent the text
that I before had feared
Some people underestimate
the power of emojis
but they convey a secret language
for the new generation to see
the particular face I sent
had puckered lips of love
would it be received well as I hoped
I prayed to Heaven above
The time was 12:01
I was ready for fate to play
its part in my quest of love
from which I had not strayed
My phone then alerted me
that I had received a message
it was a kiss sent back to me
from the boy I love  with rage
My heart was all aflutter
when I realized with glee
this was my first New Year's kiss
and it belonged to me
not only this, but there was more
that I celebrated that night
I completed a resolution
that I had made years before in spite
of my usual luck in love
it was horrible to the extreme
I wanted to have a kiss of love
the night Baby New Year was conceived
I jumped up from my chair
and danced about with glee
then I shouted for the world to hear;
"My Old Year's resolution is complete!"

Please take a moment, my dear,
To stay by my side
I've missed you so as a flower in a drought misses the rain
Let my heart be satisfied by your presence once more before you leave
Don't let me get away without a first last kiss. Let us hold each other one last time
Will you remember the times we had,
After the fact? Would you dare to remember the late night conversations we had, the times we hid our love notes from our parents?
Isn't young love a glorious thing? Once you leave, once I leave, will you remember our soft kisses in the moonlight? If only this could last forever, we would live in the kingdom of eternal bliss. Sadly, it may not be so, but stay by me, my dear, for this moment,and let us caress while we can

I beg you please don't leave me
I beseech you please don't go
I simply can't wipe our slate clean
Make our memories cease to show
why won't you let me touch you
as you head out the door?
just a hug, a ****** stroke
just that and nothing more
Is the blame on me?
What is it I've done wrong?
Pray, tell me what I've done
so the guilt eats me not whole
You say there's someone else
Why cheat while our love seemed strong?
and then you dropped the bomb on me;
I've ben the other woman all along

Is love not a poisonous snake?
A beauty to look at,
Yet venomous
Murderous, savage
It draws one in with it's
Deceptive, delicate movements
Planning and plotting when to strike
Behind a veil of entrancement
Closer, closer, closer
Come closer
Closer
Until......
SNAP

I'd never forgive myself
If I let you go
Down to that dark place
Where the shadows like to roam
My heart breaks for you
Every single day
When you talk of all the evil things
That the monsters shove your way
Please see that there is love
Please see that there is light
Let me see your lovely face
So to banish the tears and fears
That haunt you morning, noon, and night
There is no way to fix
The blackness of their hearts
But believe me
Nothing in that pill bottle
Is able to even start
Mending the holes in part
You are just one in the world
That much for sure is true
But all of us together fit
In a puzzle,
A grander plan incomplete without you
Before you catch the fastest flight
That's whisks you away from life
Please stay hold my hand
For a while, while we still have time

The bugle plays it's song
As it does every day over the PA system
The children rise
And face the flag
Out of respect?
Who could know
When their true thoughts
Are locked away inside?
One little girl
Envisions painting a picture
With the hues of the banner
Near her a small boy
Stares into space,
Dreaming about a shiny new toy
Waiting for him at home
Across the room
Stands the teacher
Behind her desk
Facing the object
It is her obligation to face
She is very deep in thought,
Concerning her dinner that evening
In the back corner of the room
Stands a boy
Straight as an arrow
Saluting Old Glory
A single tear running down his cheek
He, like the others
Focuses on faraway things
Something not within his reach
Not now
Never again
Unlike the others,
He breaks his stare from the flag
Bows his head
And whispers
"Thank you, Daddy"

Hate. All I see is hate.
Pure, unadulterated hate.
It's everywhere now.
In the ceiling, under the rickety floorboards,
Sleeping through the cracks of a once impenetrable foundation.
There are three sides to every story, but no one wants to see the third side, the truth.  I'm right, no I'm right, well you're a demon. You're not smart enough, not pretty ebough, too pretty, the wrong ethnicity, to give a valid argument. You're not valid. Only I, the holiest of beings, can tell you how to think, what to say, and what to never say. I-
SHUT UP!!!
...
God, silence is golden.

Then there's the rest of us. The children, huddled in a dark corner where their angry parents hurl glass plates and scream. We want everything to be well. Perhaps "well again" isn't the right phrase. Home was never perfect, and it never will be. But if we could be a happy family, even through the dark times, if we could hear what one another is saying, no. If we could LISTEN to what one another is saying, that would be enough.

There are those who are done fighting, the old man in his wicker chair, waiting his whole life to be noticed. When he finally gets his medal, his children throw it into the garbage disposal. What is there left to say when no one will listen?

There are those of us on the front lines, the virtual vigilantes.
So passionate, so intense, so disconnected.

There are the Orwellian sheep. Saying what they've been told by whomever chooses to educate them. Their minds so innocent, angry, closing every day. They see not the masses of wolves spinning lies with the help of their wool.  

The house is crumbling. Those who scream too loud are breaking the glass windows. The soft spoken are struggling to clean the splintery, split floorboards. Of course, they are all too busy to notice the house is leaning far off to one side. It starts to teeter on the side of a cliff. Creak. Creak. Creak.

Complications pile up
Ominous snowflakes on a quiet street
Never stopping, the blizzard
Finally lets loose in a storm of chaos
Understanding and logic gone
Suspicious of all those around me
Excluding no one from observation
Desperately trying to resolve the case

I.V. Test tubes.
I'm going under.
No clue
How much longer I'll be here

Strong arms. Soft eyes.
This is love,
No lie.
Wish I could cure your crippling fear

Eyes roll. Can't stop.
Time is passing.
Tick-tock.
I'm passing out again, my dear

She's gone. God, please.
Don't take my angel
away from me.
She's the light that keeps me free

Your kiss. Your warmth.
You're the last thing
I could touch.
Your lips release me into Light

I'm above. You're beneath.
Please don't worry.
My fate was sealed.
The gates of Heaven lie in sight

She's gone. I'm gone.
I am nothing
if not her man.
I must join her in that place where all is right.

I thought, i’d be
perfect with him, him and me
I dreamed we’d be so in love
wonderful that’d be
but it won’t be so
this text, tells me
we were never meant to be
forget it Rach, it’s just a boy
but he broke my heart
like it was a toy
all the time I wished he noticed me
i tried so hard to be his friend
but every time I talked I felt such fear
that I would mess up every time
why try, why win
seems like love is just a sin
I guess I’m just not enough
I’m not for him
at least he says so
how’d he, find out
that I feel this way for him
Suppose I couldn’t try to hide
there’s a girl he’ll love
a gentle pearl
I’m just not that girl

Panic
What have I done?
What have I done??
What have I done???
Was it worth it, the deed I've done?
I spent all day contemplating the chase
When I should have been focusing on other things
I came home anticipating and dreading what was to come
Before I could take off my coat,
it was already too late

The demon had captured me and was not letting go

What's that? Mother went to the grocery store?
Oh no. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Go upstairs. Talk to your friends. Reach out.
No. The demon won't let me.
He traps me at home alone with all these deadly drugs.
I promised myself I wouldn't use as much today
After all, not using at all is a drug in itself
Already tried that
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Vision starts to blur as the possession begins

A piece of toast might be nice,
nothing abnormal
Why not top it with peanut butter?
Why not?
Why not scoop it up with a spoon?
Five minutes, six minutes.
Forget the toast, there were chocolates in the pantry
Seven minutes, eight minutes
Doesn't matter if that candy bar was expired for a year.
It doesn't matter anyway, you can get rid of it
Nine minutes, ten minutes
there goes that pint of ice cream

One hour later
What have I done?
What have I done?
I promised myself this would never happen again!

I run to the only place in the house where I can repent my sins
this confessional session must be quick
no one else must know,
but the porcelain god I am kneeling to
for a while I am in purgatory
I must repent
It will never happen again,
just cleanse me of my obscenities!!

After much effort
my mistakes are sent away
my throat burns,
nut that's the price I must pay for what I've done
I feel better, safer
But only for a little while,
as my unexcorcised demon lies in wait
for the cycle to begin again

True love is not getting her
A gift for everyone to see
Rather it's behind closed doors
Where your devotion is proven
When she can't sleep
And you talk her through the night
When you fall ill to some disease
And she stays by your side,
Watching your favorite shows with you

True love is not bringing your "arm candy" with you to show off
If your love her, then you love the way
She looks all the time, even when she
First wakes up, her face rid if products
If you love him, you won't read his texts, for isn't trust the cornerstone in the structure of the life you are building together?

If you love each other,
You will accept your flaws and those
Of your beloved, and cherish each other through for who you are,
Who you've been, and who
You will become

They have
                      Taken my
                      Lord,
                      Where has
                      He been
                      Taken?
                      The tomb
                      Is empty,
                     Now we
                     Are quite
                     Shaken
He lives! He is risen! Glory to God in the highest! Blessed is he who comes in the name of The Lord! Redemption is here for us all. He died so we may live!
                     For our
                     Lord was
                     Not stolen
                     But risen
                     From his
                     Mortal
                     Grave
                     He has
                    Arrived to
                    The place
                    We to will
                    One day call
                    Our home,
                    The place
                    Where our
                    Heavenly
                    Father dwells.
                    Prepare, one
                   And all! He
                   Waits for
                   Us to come
                   To be with
                   Him too

Standing on the railroad tracks
That I stood on a year ago
They are a pathway to yesterday
Memories otherwise out -thrown
I am in the footprints of my former self,
Warts and all the ugly things
I've shed since then
Flooding my memory
I've walked a tough road,
Nay, I ran and tripped and fell
But strength takes time to materialize
Within the human form
I stare down the long long path
Traversed by many a few passengers
On trains to destinations long forgotten
By new generations and busy passersby
My journey, though,
Might not have been down the tracks themselves,
But in the year I have spent visiting this place
I have traveled farther than
I ever thought I'd go

You know what is super?
The hug of a lifelong friend
who you know you can count on 'till the end
The setting sun and the rising stars
on a mountaintop away from racing cars
The look you get from a trusted lover
when he lets you be you without societal covers
Stepping into a cathedral when no one is there,
with God's presence alone you become so aware
of life's precious gifts that we tend to forget
when we hurt others mindlessly and later regret
Why can't we step back and no longer delay
to embrace living light and seize the day?