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Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Because you asked
I thought you knew
That I loved and needed you

Always hesitating anew
It’s hard being me
Waiting for you

Hoping you will come through
With the right answer
At the right time

My question:
Will you be mine?


Happy Valentines Day
Pat LeDuc
February 14, 2018
Patricia LeDuc Jan 2020
He took me to a field for a picnic…so he said
To share his cup of bitterness when he snapped

No One heard but the wind
As I cried and begged for my life

No One felt but the earth
As he dragged my body to the ground

No One saw but the sky
As he choked the life out of me

No One knew I was there
No One knew of my pain

The wind stormed
The earth trembled
The sky wept

Lightning struck as he ran
As No One took revenge
Written 1/4/20 First poem of the year
in memory of Jennifer Farber Dulos
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

Promises made
In the shade
Of our desire
There was so much fire

The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

A fleeting glimpse
Of that promise
Made in our desire
Move it up a notch higher

The more I get to know U
The more I want to show U

Depth
Breadth
Wisdom’s woes
The more it shows

I’m glad I got to know U
Now I can’t do without U
10/15/03 ~04/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
OHIO MY HOME

Ohio my childhood home
a simpler life
an innocent time
a place where corn fields go on for miles and miles
the fields wave and sway beckoning you
to make secret forts in their midst
the original corn maze
in there we eat cow corn
never thinking to ask
was it fresh or clean?
it was organic at its best

playing in the water down at the “crick”
no such worries of a chemical spill
no one got sick
no parents around
nobody drowned

tornadoes come by
what a scary thrill
mother nature at her worst
toppling trees each way
providing us a strange place to play
in between the branches
we made our mansions
safe maybe not...
but we played anyway

far from the city lights
we spend our nights
watching natural sights
fireflies glowing looking for love
the tree frogs are singing out for a mate
mother raccoons bring their young from the nest
skunks delight us with their odorous best

in an eerie alien fog
ufo’s hovering over
tall trees in the front yard
all under the moons sight
as i close my eyes i can see
Ohio my memory home
February 9, 2018
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
OH  NO

Friends had a lot to say
You should try to get away
He will hurt you someday
It’s a heavy price to pay

NOT ME

He holds me down
Imposing his will over me
Making me fear everyday
Keeping me half not whole
He is so close to his goal
A succubus draining my soul
He took away my light
How could I not see?
It was him not me?

OH NO  NOT  ME

Too late you see
Too late for me
As he leaves me behind
Broken and bruised
Blood on his hands
1/17/18
domestic abuse
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
On Ever…
        As Forever…
As you speak…

I hear your voice
        A message it does send
It’s like I’m in
        Another world

My ears ring
       As your words sing
A private song
        To my heart

Let us never part
        Let’s stay together
Work on forever
        I will leave you never

This tie binds
       Does not sever
Our new love is
        A fresh endeavor

Maybe these words
        Are cute and clever
But what I hear
       Speaks on ever

Little did you know
        Your voice carried so …
On Ever...
        As Forever...
Lost and Found
November 30th 2003
March 24th 2018
Patricia LeDuc Feb 2019
With every pill I take… I lose a little of myself
It almost makes my life bearable
With every pill I take… my mind borders on insanity
It almost makes my life bearable
With every pill I take
I break with reality
Pop another pill
It will never make my life bearable
Pop another pill
Just in case
A vicious circle...that may never end
(Medications for Bipolar Disorder)
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
life is something
you do not revere
in an instant
the words ring clear
shoot to ****

your head says engage
in your passionate rage
as all remnants of humanity disappear


the pain in your brain
goes away once you take aim
on your unsuspecting targets

you think you are just acting
the whole world is your stage
you will be on the news
maybe make the front page
if you take this shot


your victims had lives
now never to be lived
they were cut short
as you honed your deadly sport


you aim and squeeze
they didn’t even have time
to beg or scream please


you don't care
as bullets fly through the air
you feel disconnected
you feel no despair

it won't stop
until you've had
your violent share

you don't have to play fair
there are no rules
when you shoot to ****



Inspired by actual events of a ****** in Ohio 2003
10/31/2003
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
The leaves are forgotten
No echoes of green

The leaves are forgotten
None to be seen

Outlined black skeletons against the snow
The branches crooked and gnarled with age

The snow blows …..Lightly
Yet they never bend

The snow blows …..Furiously
Yet now they bend

Their strength against the winter
Earned a long time ago

They stand so proudly
Knowing they will survive

As nature well knows
As nature well planned
1/16/18
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
Stay awhile…
Share your smile
It’s been gone so long from your face...
Do I see you now basking in her loving embrace?

I see that sparkling dance in your eyes
Singing of love now and tomorrow
That is the sound track of your life
She is your future and I am your past

You want your love to last?
So please don’t delay
Run… to her fast
As she will fervently pray

You might still say...
Stay awhile …
1/30/18
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
It’s the last day of summer
We now have to say goodbye
Autumn creeps in so quietly
Taking us by surprise

A new chill in the air
Cooler days and cooler nights ahead
As the sun goes to bed early
The dawn breaks thru the darkness
To give us light for the day

Crisp cool autumn
So celebrate the last day of summer
Welcome Autumn today
You can still
Continue wishing
Summer has not gone away
2/26/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
The butterfly is an ancient symbol of hope, the symbol of new life, and the symbol of those who are bereaved. However, before the beautiful butterfly emerges it must spend time in a cocoon.

It is our human nature to want to assist the butterfly in its attempt to escape from the cocoon; but, if we do release the butterfly prematurely, it will fall to the ground and perish. By its struggle, the butterfly strengthens it wings enabling its survival and flight to freedom.

Our grief in time of sorrow is like the life process of the butterfly. We often spin a cocoon around ourselves to hide the way we feel, our anger, and our desolation. Others may help us in our struggle; we do not need to travel the path of bereavement alone as does the butterfly.  However, the ultimate responsibility is ours. We need to grieve, hurt, cry, be angry, and strive to free ourselves from our own cocoons of grief.  And, hopefully, one day we will emerge like the beautiful butterfly…a stronger, more compassionate and understanding person. Until that time, let the little butterfly on the corner of this page be a symbol of hope, faith and understanding.
I wanted to share this for anyone who needs to see life and death in a simple kind way.  

Twenty years ago I heard this at a memorial service for a colleague. I had the hard copy but thought I had transcribed it on to my word documents. I had shared it many times with friends at various times. Unfortunately my external hard drive died and I lost it completely. I needed it recently and scoured the internet for the butterfly story then gave up. Two days later the original hard copy fell out of a pile of paperwork I had not looked at for years. No coincidence that it came to me in the last place I would have imagined.

The butterfly found me when I needed it the most
Patricia LeDuc Feb 2020
I knew the look on her face
before when she had struggled
back towards daylight
and her eyes seldom revealed
the guarded edge of her pain

Then I saw her find
a new love
a magical, soul opening
brave beauty
and I knew her joyful
heart by
The look on her face

Now I can barely stand
to see the jagged
edges of her broken heart
and shattered spirit
that is so visible in
The look on her face

And I already know
that soon
she will be
polished pink marble
as cold as
The look on her face
Pat for KJM
Patricia LeDuc Jan 2022
When you want to know the why
And nobody knows the how
You are chained with pain
Suffering without an answer
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
You can’t stop time from passing by
No matter the tricks you try
Time passes way too soon
From noon to noon does time consume
By night the phases of  the moon
By day we live by God’s sundial
To mark the time we have
So use it well each passing year
Share it with friends near and dear
Spend it now
Live in the moment
There is no bank of time lost
1/18/18
live life to the fullest
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
Warning !
Not my words !
Saw it on a sign !
Crude Language !


Unfuck yourself
Be who you were before all that stuff
Happened that dimmed your ******* shine

So many of us can relate to this one way or the other
I know it's not a poem but just a few words I wanted to share
Patricia LeDuc Aug 2018
Today my sister died…or maybe it was yesterday
I’m not really sure …how… why… or  when… it doesn’t matter now
If only I could talk to her again
I would let her know…
That If I knew that our brief encounter would be our last
I could have been kinder
The words flew thru out of my mouth
I wish I could take them back
Yes maybe I could have been a better sister
You pushed me away so much
That I had no reason the stay
You were wicked… spiteful… and …mean…
But you were my sister
You never moved on with your life
You suffered from the day Daddy died
Never to love again…
Your high expectations were written in stone…
In your cold …broken… sad… heart
You never knew the love you so needed
You never got what you deserved
You asked so little of life
Yet should have gotten the world
Your life was not sprinkled with true happiness
You were loved...but only felt pain
Why I will never know…
You had so much love to give
But you never found peace..
In life and
Now death
I now wish you peace
I wish you love
I wish you were here with me again
(roll your eyes at me…I know you want to)
Love is for giving
Love is Forgiving
I wish that from you…
Rest in heaven my sister
8/23/18
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
Commuters on a train
Going to work every day

Too fast the tracks say
They cause the train to sway
As they wobble and stray

Too fast the tracks say
As the brakes start to fail
As they scream out and pray

Too fast the tracks say
As the train goes off the rail
As the trains bursts into flame

Too fast the tracks say
As the train fills with smoke
As they all start to choke

Too fast the tracks say
As the conductor wakes up
A little too late

Too fast the tracks say
Commuters all dead
I warned you I said

Too Fast...
2/3/18
Patricia LeDuc Jan 2020
A step in my head
Is like walking through a minefield
Patricia LeDuc Aug 2021
Unrequited love is
Like watering a dead plant
It doesn’t grow back it just breaks
And all you can do is cry



Scattered Thoughts 2021
August 5, 2021
Pat LeDuc
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
It’s my night to meet with Liz
To tell her “bout my private biz
She mulls it over then tells me how it really is
You see it’s her job
To listen to me cry and sob
Imagine that…
She gets paid the listen to me

Most therapists say:

“Having a little anxiety attack?
"How about some nice Prozac”
Or
Can’t sleep, feeling lost and alone?
“How about some nice Trazodone”
Or
“Manic Depressive? Feel like a ***?
How about some nice Lithium”

Not Liz…
She gives appropriate drugs
Better yet she gives big hugs
Encourages me my thoughts to share
Teaches me to live again if I dare
To break free from loss and pain
Knowing from the truth I might gain

More free time
For both of us

On
Wednesdays at six
Dedicated to Liz
My therapist for over 15 years.  
She passed January 9th 2018
Original 12/10/04
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
If I were your stars
Would you share the night?
Would you smile at me?
Or wink in delight?
If I fell from the sky
Would you scoop me up or
Send moon beams to show me the way?
If my stars forget how to shine
Would I live in the day?
And learn from the sun
You are my moon
I am your stars
Together we rule the night
3/20/18
Patricia LeDuc Jan 2020
The truth I will  reveal
There’s a ***** inside of me
One I hope you will never see
I’d hide it away
Forever and a day
If I had my way

I can be petty and mean
Yell, swear and scream
Be unreasonable
Unrelenting
Never thinking
I might be wrong

Oh no instead
My position I always defend
Sometimes until the bitter end

This may be more
Than you bargained for
Or are willing to contend

So hear these words
I will be different
My new heart grew

So **** the wicked shrew
Who ruled before
I met you
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
There is snow and more snow and more on the way
As weathermen take over the networks today
There is a blizzard on the way
So the weathermen say
Excited to scare us today
The winds growl and whip
As we watch the snow blow and drift
Are those tombstones or our cars?
(Who wants to clear off the dead?)
Not me I will stay in my bed.
There is black ice tonight
So the weathermen say
Who are they trying to scare?
They warn drivers beware
Expect to flounder and flip
We scrape and brush and shovel again
The same the very next day
Oh winter woes
I think I froze my toes
02/06/18
Patricia LeDuc Apr 2018
No one really knows
Where my mind goes
When a circuit blows
When unreality shows
When chaos blows
Into my mind
I usually wake up to find
A version of my life…so unkind
The silver lining in that cloud
Now again unlined
Replaced by doubt, despair and pain

Help me now, I cry
That my life I will regain
Words come:
“Pray to the Lord
No longer refrain
Let his love
Sink into your brain”

That was so easy to explain
Only one thought does remain

“Will He remember me?”
I’ve stepped away so far
“Yes, He knows who you are”
“You are not alone”

Your soul he will feed
To great peace it will lead
No longer will your heart bleed
Let His love encompass your need
In the Lord your troubles are freed

“Oh yes…
He remembers you…”
I'm not all that religious but this is what came to me years ago

Patricia LeDuc
3/26/04 ~Released 4/29/18
Patricia LeDuc Mar 2018
The loss you feel now
Will eclipse
The loss you feel later
The sacrifice is never greater
Your loss
Is my gain
We are into hurt
But way past pain
No longer in love
Nothing will remain
From this misery
There is no refrain
Your dignity will not remain
No reason to explain
All you feel is pain
Love is gone…
Yet you live on
Finding a new way
After what happened yesterday
1/11/04
Patricia LeDuc Sep 2021
I never knew who you were
In that past, now a blur
It was not my concern, I concur
You have grown, of that I am sure

I want you just the way you are
In life experiences
You have come so far
But now I raise the bar

I want you for who you can be
The new man who married me
Demon and trouble free
Because now it is we

You need to see
You can’t change…
Who you were?
Who you are

But..

Who you can be?
Is now up to me
As long as you love me
Everyday
You will get a fresh start
A bigger place in my heart
You can only be
The one I love
Because
Of the way you love me
Patricia LeDuc Sep 2021
You left your mark on me
It is there for all to see

Most of all me…

It is in the smile on my face
The twinkle of my eye

The way we kiss
When we say goodbye

It is etched upon my heart
As I bask in your loving embrace
Patricia LeDuc Sep 2021
you thief
who stole my
simple dreams and
hopes
and dashed them
to pieces on the floor of our lives
while I watched
helpless in my efforts
to save them

you stole a piece of
my life and
ran away a
thief in the night
who kept looking over
his shoulder to see
if he’s been caught

the difference here
is this thief has
no profit
because we both
end up
empty handed

Pat for kjm
April 12, 1986
In memory of a friend
RIP Kris

— The End —