So I didn't write this, it was something my friend wrote. I don't want to take any credit from them, but it struck a chord with me and I wanted more people to read it. He gave me permission to 'do something with it', so here I am, doing something with it.*

I don't want to go to school
I just want to sit
With a book, a game or a movie
And watch the world go by
Watch the people they consider normal
Try and guess their lives
Sit in the church yard
In the rain
And guess how people died
I just want to sit
Quietly
And watch the world go by

Throat,
Please open,
I need to let it out,
I can't keep holding back,
I need to express myself,
But you won't let me,
You tighten,
Constraining,
Closing,
Around my feeble words,
That cry from their prison,
To be allowed to show themselves,
But you won't let them,
I choke,
My whole body begins to shake,
And those lyrics that seemed so perfect,
Stop.
.
.
.
I stare,
Into nothing,
Wishing I could speak,
But hoping more that I,
Can begin to sing in key,
But no,
You decide for me,
That my sentiment is not worth sound,
You refuse to permit my right to free speech,
By closing my vocal chords down.
.
.
.
Their eyes stare,
No sympathy,
Critical confusion,
In the end their glares usher me away,
I shuffle back from the microphone,
With an apologetic smile to my pianist,
I turn and leave the stage,
My hands hit the floor,
My head down,
Eyes down,
Tears fall,
Anger builds,
But only at my sorry self.
.
.
.
Failure.
.
.
.
The rest of me was so strong.
.
.
.
But my throat gave away my pain.

Stand together,
Sing a song,
Love's forever,
Hate is wrong.
Be the difference,
Make the change,
When night is falling,
We won't fade.
Keep on smiling,
Spirits high,
Keep believing,
Now's the time,
To speak our words,
Say our mind,
For one, for all,
For all mankind.

A snap of trumpets
A wall of strings in support
True sound revealed

Sitting on steps,
In the last gasps of summer,
Like wannabe film stars,
Without stresses or fear,
Though we never said,
We all knew,
The importance,
Of that moment,
To just breathe and smile,
Us six,
Though we never said,
We were friends.

Behind me,
Years,
Too few,
And too many,
Spent afraid,
But so many,
Left to live,
Left to smile,
To be myself,
For my sixteenth year,
I will be me,
Every day,
For the first time.

Spinning, spinning,
Towards the surface,
With the certainty,
Of sinking,
Not swimming,
But unexpected,
Rising again,
Into the air,
And out of control,
Tumbling,
Up,
Up,
Up,
The down,
Down again,
And this time,
That's it

As we sit here
Stars circling above us
Eternities pass in seconds
Fathoms in whispers
Reality melts into a symphony
Of feelings and fleeting moments

And beneath it all
A whisper in the air
Each breath a blessing
Every smile an embrace
Gathering all fear and longing
And setting us free

Sky blue is
A gradient from pale to
Deeper tones
That save us from
Staring at eternity
All day.

Sleep child, dream away,
Ignore the world and slip away,
Until the new day.

The curtains,
Parted slightly,
Just enough,
For a thin sliver,
Of reluctant light,
To pierce through,
From the fading lamppost,
And tempt me out,
Away from home.

Time slips over me
Pointless thoughts command my mind
Another night wasted.

Waiting for some inspiration
With destination unknown
Unheard
Unused
To settle in the sludge of my
Closed off mind
As if sitting doing nothing
Could summon beauty with no
Effort into reach
And yet still the ache of my arm
Prevents me from snaring
Even the closest of concepts
Between my fingers

Sometimes it feels impossible,
But smiling is just a few muscles,
And takes just a few seconds,
If you know who to talk to.

I sit at my laptop,
A strange sense of purpose,
As my fingers hit the keys,
And for once I feel as if I could write of simple things,
Smiling things:

The music in my ears,
Sending me into dance,
Singing along to words I hardly known,
Written for someone else but still mine in this moment,
And without fear I let the sound rock my whole body,
Filling my lungs so deep they burst.

The flowers in the field,
Some child in the sky flicking a paint brush of bright yellow,
Sending shining drops across the green.
How the wind ripples through them,
A wave of some forgotten tide that loved the land too much.

The stories in my head,
Faces I don't recognise but will love before long,
Places I've never seen but feel like home,
Air I can't breathe that keeps me alive,
Universes flowing like rivers from my mind.

Steady your hand against the rumbling of the tracks
Keep eyes focused on a moving goal
What people think doesn't matter but what you think they do does
Calm the waves around your boat
Smooth out the crumbling path ahead
Then run, bolt away,
Escape the current, whose drag is too strong
And hurry from here, this place of no choice,
Ignore the walls and they'll disappear
So sprint through them to reach your promised land -
- Your place for you.

The rain falls and yet,
Darker clouds to come,
Lumbering towards,
Increased intensity.

And I find myself,
Approaching the point,
Of greatest downfall,
And lingering there.

All too soon,
Blue skies interrupt my,
Joyful refreshment,
Leave me soaked in silence.
...
Motionless
...
Stare
...
Stand
...
Walk
...
Home

Shade has a softer edge,
The sunlight can breathe smoothly
Along sepia streets
And gently persuade the dark away.

It will be the shadow's turn
In time, for now light's
Careful nudges
Push back for one more day.

With each climbing and Falling of the sun,
Its rays weaken and tire,
Leaving darkness to
Stay up in the mornings.

I want to be the voice I've never heard before,
I want to hear the sailing notes that I've been striving for,
If I can't find the light to lead me - I'll carve the path alone,
If no other song is sounding, mine will be the leading tone.

Am I worth keeping
Alive more than some other
Broken-hearted soul?

There's something at the window,
Something waking in the night,
Something in the kitchen,
Something's turning out the light,
Something's foot on the floorboards,
Something's hand on the door,
Something getting closer,
Something louder, something more
than just something in my eye,
Or something made up in my head,
Not just something I imagined,
I can hear the something's breath,
Now there's something on my shoulder,
Something cold in my side -

And now it doesn't matter,
Something hurt me and I died.

An overwhelming sense,
That I've done something wrong.
An ever fearful heart,
Breaks free and bursts into song.
It tells my paranoid mind,
That it was right all along.
My growing confidence,
Backs away and won't go on.
My weary fingers,
Blamed for taking too long.
My tiring eyes,
Blamed for misunderstanding the response.
I think something's up,
But I'm not sure what.

Not long now,
So close, so close,
We get ready,
So soon, so soon,
Just a few hours,
No time, no time,
And it's already gone,
So fast, so fast.

We wait such a long time,
For it to shine for so little,
The light comes and goes,
So quickly,
Before we know it,
It's time to wait again,
But was it really all worth so much?
All this build up,
Hype and anticipation?
Maybe, maybe not,
But we're so close, so close,
There's no time to think.
So soon, so soon,
Are we ready?
No time, no time,
It all happens in a flash,
So fast, so fast.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't smile,
It doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
I can't feel safe,
I'm just not sure quite where I belong.

I'm sorry if sometimes,
It sounds as though,
I've given up all hope of light.

Because I'm sorry, but sometimes,
Words cannot drag me free,
From the unending, pain-filled night

This feud should never have been
Yet now it has taken over everything
And stands between us and stability
Like a wall we couldn't afford to build
But did anyway.

This hatred has no base but in his
Jealousy and frustrated lashing-outs
Against whoever it was that ruined
His chances (Apart from him,
Who is not to blame)

For a year I have slaved,
As slave to my pen,
Or to my words,
Message
And form.

But not as an obedient servant.

I struggle,
Grapple with my master,
My monster.
To break from tra-
-dition.
To scream -  I AM NOT A MACHINE!

I do not write out of necessity,
Though at times,
Perhaps I feel I must.

No, I write with a purpose,
Far beyond keeping up appearances,
Or challenge,
Or obligation.

I write with the soul,
My sole purpose,
To speak truth from me,
To you,
In the most elegant,
Precise,
Graceful,
Way this language will allow,
My overactive mind,
To create.

And how far I've come!
What truths I have fashioned from,
Simple things,
Birds, trees, computer screens,
All inspiration to me.

But each time I picked up,
That pen or that laptop,
I opened another door,
Another chamber,
Another corridor of my mind.

And in searching for effect,
Or metaphors or riddles,
Found more meaning than could be,
Conceived by a thousand scholars.

I found something far more precious,
Far more elusive,
Than any moment of awe,
Or wonder,
Or disbelief.

I found myself,
And I continue to find myself,
And it is my only wish,
That through this pen,
These words,
Message,
And form,
I could help someone else do the same.

Light's touch is known only
When shadows run
And cower, flee and hide

Life seems bright only
When dark times are gone
And no nightmares are held inside

Love is found only
When eyes see more than
The mess that man leaves behind

But dark can be only
A speck in the sun
When she is by my side.

This world is split.
There are people who believe in equality,
But they seem to be the minority.
There are people who believe their way is right,
Their traditional views are causing fights,
There are some people who don't care,
Others are unaware,
Despite the millions desperate for,
If nothing else, acknowledgement or,
Maybe one day something more.

But first, an end to the fear,
The irrational belief that when things appear,
Tough, it's the fault of those you don't agree with,
The ones who, maybe, just want to be with,
The person they love without taking,
The blame for everything making,
This ******* Earth weep,
When floods or disasters sweep,
Guess whose fault it is?
The he who fell in love with his smile,
Or the she who wants to carry her child.

Perhaps one day no one will protest,
Because he decided to wear a dress,
Or she chose to confess,
That despite her body she is a woman,
In a world where gender is defined by day one,
It seems unthinkable that his body is wrong,
But why does it matter to anyone else?
Just let her be a girl and keep your judgement to yourself.
Better still stop judging at all,
Because we're all human, it's not your call.

Attitudes are changing,
And talking to the next generation is uplifting,
Because there's a co-operative feeling,
Of acceptance.

It's just a matter of convincing everyone else.

A half-lit room, spotlights on the stage,
Two chairs, plastic looking flowers and some water,
The crowd is gathering, hats and coats come off,
As they all settle down.

Now I am surrounded, I am anonymous,
But for my family and one friend,
And when she opens her mouth,
The lights move at her command,
To focus on me.

And suddenly all things change,
A chance to prove myself to all,
And more importantly to myself,
See a new path, alongside this,
And walk along.

Then lights back on them,
They who've taken chances before,
In some world where change was easy,
And life was simpler, perhaps, than now,
And I ask myself then:
Is this the chance?

Look in my eyes,
What do you see?
Come on, behind the lies,
Lies the true me.
Is there something in my gaze?
A haze, a dreaming
Just a teenager staring at space?
No! I'm screaming!
Don't you hear the cries
Rattling in my mind?
I'm helpless and hopeless
And lost - but defined and
Undermined by my own fear,
Holding hate near,
I want to rip off these clothes,
And shout "Yes! I am here!"
But I can't do that,
Can't let them see my faulty genes,
See these jeans and coats
Keep my mind off the fact
That every day I'm living,
I'm living like I act,
A part to play,
A play to show,
A show to stop
Me having to stand out,
For so long I fell foul
For so long it felt wrong
And now these howls
Of pain feel like a swan song
I'm falling, fallen, faded
Forgotten who I am
But when the spotlight turns off -

Breathe.
Sigh.

Here we go,
The finish in sight,
The warm-up's over,
No comes the fight,
Through fatigue,
Tension and heavy feet,
When all signs say no -
Time to be the athlete

They scurry across a slender branch,
Dripping under their weight,
But only for a second,
For they are nimble,
And soon another branch stages their chase.

Their claws scratch at bark,
Frantic as they descend to the bank,
Muffled by the earth as two grey tails
disappear into the undergrowth,
And all that remains:
The simmering summer breeze.

This stolen-or-found pencil writes
Far more smoothly than any keyboard
Or any pen of my own
So sterile
With no past
No stories to tell but
This...
This lead is filled
With memories
With sights and sounds
Of journeys
Of places I've never seen
Inspiration beyond any truth
From imagination moments

Coloured shards
Now nothing but the ashes
Of the beauty they once held
Burnt in an instant by
Stupidity's servants'
Brutish hands.

A breath, one last
pause before the onslaught
of pressure, nerves and fatigue
makes its home among
the stench of sweat
and futile deodorant.

A chance to release
and forget for a while
to keep appearances
from turning stale
and let each motion become
natural again.

Sit here with no duty
no great fight, no lines
no levels or positions -
only myself
and
the house.

In stale shadows of night turned early morning
Only the working, weary and weeping move
In silence they carry out their tasks for fear of stirring
Disturbing those at peace
What could be screams are toned down to whimpers choked into bedsheets
No one would know
No one would hear
In the stale shadows of night turned early morning

Between the houses, a slim gap,
Allowing a ***** of low sunlight through.
Harsh beams gleaming in
Thick air dripping with ice
A small field breaks the monotony
Of white terraces and ageing fences
And a streak of yellow glances off
The semi-frozen blades.

Stand and watch
As the leaves fall and crumble
As chill takes control

Stand and watch
As all around grow up
As everyone else moves on

Stand and watch
As the future streams past
As the dreams I had scream closer

Stand and watch
As I fall behind
Stand and watch

In a double life, a double cross
is standard procedure.
Betrayal and no foresight
are expected, feared, ignored,
no second thought.

All I said before considered,
feelings mutilated -
pointless to even pause.
Haste over care or kindness,
Speed the only cause.

Where is truth?
Between one claim or another?

Her eyes put galaxies to shame
Her words like starlight
glistening gently in the dark
She is more beautiful than all the heavens
Brighter than even the fullest moon
That I could even think to touch her heart
Is no less than a blessing I don't deserve

She places smiles upon my lips
And warmth in my soul
From those smiles spill words
And from my soul songs pour
In my heart's heady desperation to repay
the love with which she has drowned
the very fabric of my mind

The light makes my eyes drop,
The heat makes me weak,
My ears close to outside,
And fill with songs of sleep.

My hand becomes my pillow,
My chair becomes my bed,
My eyelids, now, my curtains,
As stars light up my head.

Must I move?
Here I am safe, happy,
Surrounded by comforts,
No eyes watch me,
The shadows rest where I tell them,
And clothe me when I ask.

Here I bathe in simplicity,
In the arms of convenience,
Beyond the reach of fear,
Outside the influence of pressure,
Why would I leave?
Were it not for duty.

New and old,
They are my commands,
And they must be obeyed.

If I sit here staring into space
Perhaps I'm thinking
Or playing with thoughts
Posing some character and taking
a picture on an instant camera.

Or perhaps I'm singing
Some song in my head
that means enough to steal my sight
from my eyes
for my mind.

These steel arteries
The life force of modern day
Expand our horizons
Let us escape
Go further than needed
Or just far enough
The breath of the city
A heartbeat, a step
A journey further on
Pulsing, turning forwards
To the future we're building
With tracks and trains and transport
That keep us moving on, on, on...

Footsteps
Pounding the earth
Driving back
Against its never-ending spin
Wishing, urging
A half-spoken plea
To stop.
.
For just a second
Long enough to breathe
Without believing
We are wasting our time
With air.

A trunk of limestone strong and high, splits to stretching branches,  
   Those stones were set, so long ago but still will hold such weight.    
      Could they have known when those ancient hands,
Set this pillar firm and new?
That after centuries,
Still they'd stand,
Still strong and
Straight and true.
And even now,
Though old and
Worn, those gazes
Question: How?
Such wonder fills
Every eye which
Looks upon the
Polished bark,
Smoothed by
Mortal hands not
Nature's breath
That will never
Know such pain
As death or the
Feet or nest of
A crow or lark.
And who can
Say how many
Years, decades,
Centuries from
Now the last
Stone will decay?
When will that            
          Final rock
crumble              
               back to dust?
When it does,
will anyone              
know what           beauty
it once was?
And will those
                         hands that
placed the          
                                    first stone
finally                                
sleep and rest?

The wind runs through the trees,
The world lets out a sigh.

A whisper frees my bones,
Leaves me calm and quiet.

Everything stops for a second when the wind stops,
Holding onto its breath.

A perfect silence only broken,
When a bird calls out again.