You’re not allowed
To listen to songs that make you think of me
yet not message me.

as if you could shrink,
one so violent and so vibrant,
You exploded in my hand,
as soon as I held you.
You swept through my dreams,
before I even knew you.

There's something about an empty tube carriage
Not even so late at night
That makes me think of stars
And lovers
And mostly loneliness
And the endless possibilities of humanity
It quietly fills as you sit and write this
And life continues;
The city breathes again
And so you just smile
Because you tasted a little of the infinite.

world arches back
relaxes into new found worth
a painted dust
falling from hard-baked earth

specks of life
lie scattered round
like soft shells on the sand

waves lap at shore
to taste its past
and swallow hidden ecstasy

the beach lies rough
a dusky place
a heaven for the beaten
but lingering on
like sailors songs
are thoughts
of sweet deliriums.

I have made friends with the birds nesting above me
In my nights alone
When I am full of you
They murmur along
Nodding at the right parts
As I retell myself the story of us.

The reservations
Between my heart and the next
Are wide enough for long tables
Lengthy rows of empty seats.
The reservations
Between my heart and the next
Are plain for all to see.

The lingering of distance
The shielded minds
With guarded words
Litter all my past relations
And doom the next before they start.
The reservations
Between my heart and the next
Are plain for you to see.

I shut my city walls
My drawbridge, gated up
I let no friend nor enemy in,
No peace can slip between these bricks.
The lingering of distance
The shielded minds
with guarded words
Litter all my past relations
and doom the next before they start.

This was the year that I learnt how to be silent.
Sometimes to allow others to speak.
Once because I was afraid.
Twice because my eyes were too full of the love in front of me to allow my lips to move.
Often because silence is solitude and I am lonely.
Every now and again because I was wary of what my voice would say.
Rarely because I was in awe but mostly because I am weary and to speak is to engage.

Old scars
pulled apart by new onslaughts.

Call, Call
you halcyon beast
you maiden of dirt
come wrap me in
your black embrace
darkness
calls me
from the sunset abyss
I clasp the void
I taste its bliss
                  
                            Fall
       ­                            so soft
                                              cracks of nothing
                                              flush of peace
                                              rips through bones
                                              wash of calm
                                                      of numb.
                               Chocolate hatred through eyes of dust.

Rough sheets
Smell of lavender
I lift my
cheek
touch of wind
from open window
I feel
the comfort seep
through my whole

I am at peace
In my own berth.

Silence passes east between us
long flights and rough rides have taken it out of us.
We both gaze outward
legs just touching
both needing contact to stop from getting
lost in the green newness of it all
Arrival.
The heat dark and thick
bellies full of water like puppies we climb
onto beds and between sheets
fitting together like we always have done.

Look at you
Loud girl
Yet quiet now
You're kneeling down,
on your knees
at the hands of a devil,
You wept and cried
But still you kept it to yourself.
Pray soft,
How could one so lovely as you,
fall down and be caught only by darkness?

Tick
Tick
Tock
the endless trash of shallow minds
the proceeding clack of dullest desire
long since past;
the need for life.
I lie awake
I count my strife

Dark gas erupts from unnamed faces
they aim for views;
they live for you.
regurgitating facts and lies and worse
tricolons of power in echoing verse
Oh fill my cavernous space with smiles!
empty your dam of "alive" on me
make me wish on wishful schemes
Just stop this monotonous trash
this meaningless hash
of forgotten aims
what we work for; who to blame

Just give me something to admire.

You reach back round for my arm
Which had fallen away from you in sleep,
As I, too hot, had reluctantly rolled away,
trying to maintain some semblance of chill when faced with you
But you
You move your body with mine, following me into my roll,
Your body not happy with being left without mine
And that was everything to me.

Water falls
droplets dappling flesh
Pools gather where your skin soaks in.
My eyes dive in
I cling to your shores -
let go, and swim
inhaling in the waters of you.
I gulp,
but it is salty,
and stings my eyes
when I see.
My fingers run through each stream
searching for something to cleanse me
But all I find is weeds

And I'm scared to write
putting pen to page
in case the floor gives out
as well as my brain.

I'll sleep between your legs like its nothing.
mine part like waves
blood orange at the close
tangled roots of our desire
twisting vines, skin to skin
you taste
like warmth that i've been missing
like me when you kiss my neck
then me
sleeping in your eyes
your affected music soundtrack to my awakening
to life
to love
and heat.
You will forever have an imprint on this body.

I know that you love

But do you only love accidentally?

Why do I want to eat things that make me feel sick
Like a confused dog.
Why do I still want you when it hurts me like this

I don't know what to do with all my thoughts
Now that I can't let them be about you.

the days seem long
and the nights longer
yet weeks fly by in blinks
of eyes too bleary to really see
paralysed by a fear of doing
dissatisfaction leaving me helpless
immobile
lost

I want to leave my hairs on your pillow case,
And my perfume in your wind.
I want my fingertips
To smudge the glasses in your cabinet,
And my feet
To ***** your white tile floors.

I want my indent
To remain in your bed
And my heart on your chest,
For all the night lingers
You'll be my rest.

She leaned in
and I held my breath
thirsty for what she might say.
She told me something she has told a thousand people before me.

All the blood ran out of my body and out of the nightclub and into the sea.

Our love was secret
I delighted at the hidden bits of you
that you were entrusting me with
We swallowed sunsets and mornings
Days of messages and small smiles
orbits speeding as we circled one another

I will never call you beautiful
Because beauty implies stillness
You are more than this
You are electric
Magnetic
Can't-take-my-eyes-off-yours kinetic
You pulsate with an aura of need
And poetic heat
That drags me in
And in
Until I'm melting in the flames of you.

In the optimistic light of the morning,
or when I’m travelling somewhere, fast,
perhaps on a plane or a train,
everything seems ok.
Caring so much seems silly, and I feel released.
Healing and carrying on with life seems not only possible but natural, inevitable.

I’ll be ok

The vapours of her will leave my body soon

Because that’s all they ever where

Vapours.

my inner body has been touched
by none other than me
no less times i suppose
and pleasure no less too
but feeling
and craving
and breathing
of another that i love
i have not yet felt in my aching walls.

I am what I am and I am ugly
But that is ok
My life is meant for something other than to be looked at
And craved after by many
Although this too is noble in itself.
No, I am different, am other,
too loud and proud and caring.
I am meant for different things where
I sketch skyscapes with my words
And turn minds with my musings
And I don't need appreciation for the body that does it.
I have lumps and marks and redness
But my arms are strong for lifting
And my brain quick to change the things that I see fitting.
So, do not cry that you are ugly,
Be happy that you are, for you are made for different things
And different people too.

Going to sleep was a lot more fun when it was in your bed
A thousand possibilities and the only one I really wanted swam in your eyes when you looked at me.

And we thought we were philosophers, and poets, and lovers. And we were all of these things and none. We were wallowing in an infinite present of youth and naivety. And we lived it.