Nicole: Poems

1.3k · Dec 2020

Nicole Dec 2020

He was kind and sweet
He made the promises
That girls like me admired

I was naive and innocent
Was neglected from those in my life
Desperate for attention and praise
I believed and trusted him

Days went by and he changed
He started to manipulate me
Promises of fulfillness broken
Made me feel worthless

And like i had no worth
Soon i looked in the mirror
And only saw what he saw in me
I looked in the mirror and did not recognize
who i was anymore

(TW WARNING)

#groomed #used #abuse #deception #deppression #anxiety #deep

912 · Aug 2021

Unspoken Thoughts

Nicole Aug 2021

Unspoken Thoughts

The young girl had so many letters, words, sentences, and paragraphs that she pondered
but every time she opened her mouth
the scratchy invisible barrier, that was dug and buried deep inside of her halted her

#anxiety #thoughts #unspoken #think #depression #invisible

874 · Dec 2020

The ¨ Escape¨

Nicole Dec 2020

The ¨ Escape¨

The quiet numbness that takes over your life

Everyday becomes to feel like a slow record on repeat

Your bed becomes the only escape of it all

Days past where you can't feel anything and feel numb

You explore options to the ¨escape¨ of life

Only feel the guilt mound taking over that

The thought of people not caring if you live another day

Slowly adopts the reason of the ¨escape¨

You feel worthless and can't take the numbness anymore

The ¨escape¨ begins to be the only thing you think about

Slowly taking over your life bit by bit

The question of the ¨escape¨ working haunts your mind

The depression and numbness you indorse crushes your soul

You embrace the ¨escape¨

Uncaring or unknowing of the outcome of the escape from reality.

#sadness #depression #suicide #escaping #reality

688 · Dec 2020

Forgive and forgetting

Nicole Dec 2020

Forgive and forgetting

Forgiving is more than difficult and challenging

But if to not forgive or forget

You will live your life in regret and denial

Resent will build and build

For we are humans for we f*ck up and do things we deeply regret

For not to be excusable but responsible

If to imagine a world with them gone or hurt

Remorse and resent in yourself will imperfectly mix

Building a lifetime of continuous persistent regret

The question being is it worth it to not forgive and forget

For will you ever truly move on?

#forgiving #forgetting #mistakes #flaw #flaws #exonerate #resent #blame

649 · Jan 2021

The Toxic Search For Love

Nicole Jan 2021

The Toxic Search For Love

I wanted love and a soulmate
He was kind and really funny
And with a smile that could have females swooning over him
As i got to know him more
He became distant and toxic
I was blind to it all
I keep telling myself that he wasn't like the rest
I heavily believed in forgiveness
And second chances
I really thought he was the one
To sweep me off my feet and away from the crude world we live in
But i was living in a dream, hoping on a fairy tale to come true
But the real world is cruel and fearful
He eventually got tired and bored of me
And threw me anyway like i was trash
Like i was a little game for him when he got bored
Tell me Why should i trust or try
When everyone leaves and breaks me in the end

#toxic #soulmate #love #forgiveness #heartbreak #trust

525 · Feb 2021

Jealousy

Nicole Feb 2021

Jealousy

The classroom was filled with laughter and joy,
And dancing young teens
All i could feel though was jealousy and hatred
I hate them for being so happy when my world is so dark
I hate them for being able to socialize and make friends
I hate them for being gorgeous and tall and skinny
I hate them for everything that i'm not
It makes me mad knowing its not there wronging it's the universe

#jealousy #hate #deppression #anxiety #socialanxiety #universe

452 · Feb 2021

Snowy Night

Nicole Feb 2021

Snowy Night

I could hear the silent tapping from the snow against the window
The only light to be seen within miles being the round moon
It was a cold, grim, and dark night
The sadness in the air was overwhelming
The black page sitting on the dark wooden table
No thoughts no feelings to arise

#snow #dark #depressing #night #light #black

366 · Jul 2021

I'm Just Tired

Nicole Jul 2021

I'm Just Tired

I'm not the kind of tired that can be fixed with an hour nap or full nights rest
I'm physically and mentally exhausted
I'm tired of the world and the harsh reality that there is cure of depression
Some days i wish i could just go to sleep and never wake up
But i'm so selfless that continue putting on a fake smile and trudge through the days
Its so ******* exhausting
I don't know how much longer i can go

#depression #anxiety #mental #illness #tired

206 · Nov 2020

Privilege

Nicole Nov 2020

Privilege

Privilege to some is a tiny white lie hid in an empty closet

Others accredit and acknowledge the privilege given to them

Its incomprehensible how color now receipts given privilege

Its unknown and biased who the specific one who gives such

power to whom.

#privilege

144 · Nov 2020

Beauty

Nicole Nov 2020

Beauty

Blush, eyeshadow, and mascara, the empty glare from the dusty mirror distorted the reality from the situation. Self confidence levels being at an all time low, Separates any sane or rational thoughts that arose. The round dusty mirror accentuated my round, big face. A loud sigh of unsureness escaped my lips. For once my face accentuated beauty and enchantress. For once my sorrow destroyed the beauty and the vision of youth. For no fountain of youth couldn't affix. For which desire couldn't be apprehended. For beauty is a dark silhouette in a never ending hole. When you think you're near you retract by force and throw backwards. You repudiate in shock of the dark cloudy truth. For beauty was a simulated fantasy lead on by hope, For beauty stands as an undivided presupposition.

#beauty #self #confidence

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