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I wrote you 33 letters
One for every time you felt distance
For I wish I could crumple this map and make our states closer
I wrote you 34 letters
And told myself to leave, you no longer belonged to me.
Grabbed onto as much as I could and opened the door
I wrote you 35 letters
I took a deep breath and rushed past the crowd
I take a look to my right and there you were, with her.
I wrote you 36 letters
Our eyes locked and my heart split in two
How could you do this, I ******* loved you.
I wrote you 37 letters
Sitting on the train reading 37 letters
Cried and ripping up 37 letters
Wondering why I ever wrote you 37 letters.
I never told you this,
it's a bit embarassing,
but every wish I make,
I make it for you.

Every penny thrown into fountains,
every lucky stars shinning bright,
every last cigarette of the pack,
is a wish for you

I wish that your troubles will go away.
I wish that you will no longer need those antidepressants.
I wish that you finally get the break you need.

If it means I'll never see you again,
if it means you'll forget about me,
so be it.

You deserve to be happy.
The TV plays on in silence in the background,
and i watch it like it's a painting i no  longer understand,
nor want to.
I sit here amongst the noise,
silently hearing the voice in my head repeating the same
dead voices from the past,
though not from dead men, nor women.
And in the silences,
where i should be more aware,
I am, very too well,
as i should be more conscious,
I am, too well,
as i should be more mindful,
my mind, is full.
And if  i should be silent between the trees, breathing,
between the leaves, breathing
the branches, breathing
and the sky, breathing,
I should, take, a breath;
but my feet, they makes this sound
as i walk on  through  life,
reminding me ever so succinctly,
this is just one version of life.
And it should be by the ocean,
the breeze, I am breathing
and the sand, I feel like i am breathing,
where the silence should come to me,
easily, as i breathe......
But the waves, they don't care,
they're here anyway, to remind me,
this is life,
it goes on.
And in each silence in a conversation,
I am lost, because i forgot how to talk from being so quiet
in order to remember who i really am.
So i sit in front of a mourning picture, or i walk through a living
epitome of life, or i stand
at the precipice of the circle of life, and even now,
I am clearly forgotten, in the silence,
of being, me.
Write me a story
sing me a song
listen my darling
trees whispering along
hold me tight baby
let me forget
the sweat on my brow
the pain in my chest
silences serenading
love holding me back
bless me with kisses
save me from death
comfort is fleeting
how fast the days pass
please love me swiftly
hold me quick
for in the end
we are the beginning
we are the end
simply living till death
Talking long distance to you online
I feel I know you even though we've never met
I know your feelings, your quirks
Your wants, your needs
I love you for who I've come to see plastered on my computer screen.

A thin pane of glass
Sits between you and me
Yet I somehow know
That it is meant to be
I guess you could call it poetic how by the age of 12 I had no recollection of what happiness tasted like on my tongue. Some would say it was tragically beautiful.
But it was not poetic, nor was it beautiful,  but it was tragic. It was so very, very sad, and that sadness is only doubled now that people see sorrow as glorious.  It is not glorious. It is not strength. It is a lump of iron in your chest and stomach and it eats you from the inside, out and you have no right to think that blood stained wrists are anything other than tragic. So very,  very tragic.
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