I'm trying to remember the exact moment
When playing in the sand box was too childish
When playing dolls was for "little kids"
I'm trying to remember what exactly it felt like
to be a small child
Whose smile was full of mischief and opportunities

I'm trying to remember the exact moment when
boys became cute
And make up became the cool thing to wear
I'm trying to remember what exactly it felt like to
only have to worry about how to make him like me

I'm trying to remember the exact moment when
the only thing in this world that mattered was being happy
when being happy meant truly everything.

Life is full of twists and turns
ups and downs
I might be sick after this one

I've been trying to find solace in this moment and that moment
only to realize the only solace I can find is within
time within
is not seconds
is not minutes
it is not counted as time here
it is simply until it is right
until it is perfect
that is what time is with in
That is how one can find solace, peace
with in
It can not be found in these moments
nor in those days
only within.

Standing here with a smile painted on
But if you saw past the mask you'd never would have turned away
Hands shaking, swallowing hard
Fearm seems to have taken control over me
I thought I had taken control over my life from the drugs
But fear saw an opportunity and took it
Now I'm hiding from the darkness outside
looking over my shoulder at every noise
Hope no one notices the sweat dripping from my brow
I'm trying to let someone know
but fear's got me by the throat
My words are trying to climbe out of my throat before it closes
but time is running out
And I'm wondering if we'll have enough time for them to climb out
I keep hoping someone will see past the mask
Because in the contract I can't take it off
Otherwise I may turn black and blue
I'm checking around the corner and under my bed
Like I'm searching for the boogeyman
when the only thing I'm going to find is looking back at me in the mirror
But fear is pushing me to the corner
hands on my throat
threatening my life as if it were worth nothing yet everything

This story is just beginning
don't mind the few blank pages along the way
That's when I though the plot had ended
Little did I know that was just a prequel
Character development
The first chapters I know the main character is hard to decipher
Just remember this is just the beginning
I'll hold a box of tissues for you when the plot seems to twist and turn
This is just the beginning of my story
When I thought this was the last page
I realized there's a whole another book with my name on the cover
This plot hasn't even climaxed yet
Please won't you stick around and see what happens next
Because this is character development
The prequel
To the story of my life

Daddy daddy
Do not fret
I'm doing everything I can here
Daddy daddy
Don't worry about me
I'm doing everything you've taught me
Daddy daddy
Smile
Because if there's one thing you've taught me growing up
Keep going it gets easier
Daddy daddy
It's going to be ok
I am doing alright.