Every year we sit around the table filled with tasty traditions
Every year we ask the same question
"What are you thankful for?"

I'm thankful for the searing pain that has coursed through my veins
like a fire that couldn't be stopped
because I'd never be this strong without it

I'm thankful for the hot tears that have run down my cheeks
like the warm spring streams running through parks
because I wouldn't know what grief was like with out it

I'm thankful for the people who caught me when I was falling so fast that I couldn't cry out for help
For the people who held me up when I couldn't stand on my own two feet for more than a mere few seconds
because without them I wouldn't know what true friendship was

I'm thankful for the people who made me laugh
Who made me forget there was ever pain
because without them I would have never seen the light in life

I'm thankful for the people who cared for me when I couldn't care for myself
Who through the years have held my hand when times were scary
Who wiped tears away when life hurt
And helped me through the growing pains of life
Because with out them I wouldn't know who I am today

I'm thankful for the opportunities
The opportunity to explore the world
The opportunity to find the most knowledge I can fit into my head
Without these I wouldn't know how blessed I truly am.

I am thankful for the happiness that I have in my life
the smiles and the sunshine that is found in everyday
without these I wouldn't know what was joy

I am thankful for the scars that are invisible and visible
the visible ones hold stories and power and remind me that I can conquer anything
the invisible ones hold logic yet understanding reminding me to proceed with caution
With out these I would not understand healing

I am thankful for the human kindness I have received
The hugs of healing
The words of encouragement and wisdom
The shoulder squeezes of reassurance
The shared strength and perseverance
Without these I would not know hope

I am thankful for the patience of others
The times others held me close when nothing was outwardly wrong
The times when I didn't live up to my word yet they still trusted me
With out this I wouldn't have faith in myself

So as you sit around your thanksgiving feast
And you ask each one what they are thankful for
remember it's not about the food
It's not about the pilgrims and the Native Americans
It's remembering to say thank you to all the people in your life that matter.

**So Thank you for being there

My body aches
My mind weary
All I want is a rest
A break from a reality
that feels as though the world is laying on my shoulders
Where standards feel as tall as the empire state building
And I am reaching with all my might to get to the top
My weary mind
searching for peace
tired of racing
dodging and jumping around
Trying to make itself happy
is searching high and low for a reprieve
From this reality of struggles
The bottle on the shelf
It knows my name all too well
I've done well at ignoring it's calls before
But it seems to be inching closer to me
I can hear it's cries better than my own thoughts
Most days and nights
Like a mother's innate hearing for her child crying
I hear it in the night as I sleep
leaving me wide awake
although I have gone
days
weeks
months with out the taste of it on my lips
The cries still reach my ears
The taste is still on my tongue
My energy is low
And I don't know how much longer I can fight it
My mind is weary
and my body aches

Broken and shattered
trying to pick up the peices
but everywhere I look a memory of you reminds me
that it's no longer us
No longer you and I
My heart is trying to beat as one
lost with out an echo
because we used to beat as one
beaten and battered
trying to heal the wounds left on my heart
you were always the best nurse to help heal my broken heart
I close my eyes for a moment
the beauty of what we used to have flashes before my heart
The words I want to say are caught in my throat trying to fight there way out to you
torn and tattered
I let you in
I let you see the inside of my heart
but you never remembered to close the door when you left
leaving a broken heart exposed to the world
Our hearts used to beat as one
But it's no longer us
No longer you and I
Lost with out an echo
Blind with out a spark
Broken and shattered

I'm dancing in the rain jumping in  puddles
Leaving all my pain behind
Breathing in the sunshine watching the clouds roll by
The seasons pass
The reasons pass too
Tears will dry
The smiles will come and go
Breathe in today breathe out today
Forgetting about tomorrow
I'm dancing in the rain jumping in puddles
Leaving all my pain behind
The sun will rise again tomorrow
Breathing in all of today breathing out all of yesterday
The wounds will heal
the pain will fade
That smile will grow brighter
Dancing in the rain jumping in puddles
Leaving the pain behind
Breathing in all of today
Breathing out all of yesterday

When I cry out to you
Don't tell me to read a book
I've spent over half of my life being told to read this book read that book
Crying out to a book is like crying out to a wall
Those printed words don't wipe away tears
Just remember that.

I am not here to fit into your box
To pretend that everything that I fit perfectly into the corners of your life
I am not her to fit into your cookie cutter
Although I am sweet
I am bitter like the taste of a lemon peel
I refuse to let everything that doesn't fit into your box go
Because its not what you wanted
I am not here to fit into your box
Nor am I here to fit into your cookie cutter
I can only fit into the body that I was given
As a gift from the powers that be
I can only hold you close with the hands that I have been given
forgiving them when they don't work in the exact manner that I want them to.
I can only listen to your heart beat with the ears that I have
Although they don't always work they are mine
My hips are a little wider
My shoulders a little weaker
But remember I am not here to fit into your box
I am here to help you break out of yours.

When you look at me can you see what I'm thinking?
Can you see the moment of hesitation in my reply
When you look at me do you see the searing fear running through my veins
Do you notice the shake in my hands
When you look at me what do you really see?