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 May 2014 Nathan Wells
Eli
Well
 May 2014 Nathan Wells
Eli
I think I ******* hate you tonight
and I can't tell if it makes my blood boil
or run cold
but I know that you will regret
and I would laugh and say
"I told you so"
but I am not a ******* child
nor are you
and we both know better than to believe
that you ever ******* loved
me.
(b.r.o.)
you liar
Facing your fear
makes you go all cold inside.
Intestines shrinking and suddenly
the floor looks pretty.

Facing an impossible act
makes you get butterflies.
The mouth blubbers meaningless phrases
Tries to gather courage and bravery.
Abstract poems: 2nd poem
 May 2014 Nathan Wells
meg
I remember when I was in the hospital and I didn't sleep for two days straight because I swore to god that if I did the demons would step out from under the bed and seep into my head.

I remember when it was three am, and I was shaken awake from the girl three doors down shrieking from the night terrors that her mother embedded into her skull with her fist and a belt when she was eight. But, they were then stored away until she was thirteen years old and a man swore that he'd beat her if she didn't cooperate. So, now they hide during the day, and creep back up when the sun falls.

I remember when I witnessed a boy unintentionally scratch at his skin until he bleed for an hour because the voices inside of his mind told him that if he didn't hurt anyone else, he would just have to hurt himself. and he swears he'd never hurt anyone besides himself.

I remember when I met a girl who had cuts up and down her arms and legs from when her mother told her she'd never survive the world because she isn't good enough. But, I swear to god that she was the strongest person I've ever met.

I remember when my roommate stayed up all night rocking with bloodshot eyes and deep purple circles underneath of them because she swore that if she slept the monsters inside of her head would crawl out and bleed into her soul.

I remember when the boy five doors down hit the wall so hard that it shook the entire unit because he hallucinated a man and a little girl trying to strangle him, and he swore he could feel the noose around his neck.  

even through all of this, for some odd reason teenagers think it's lovely to have deep scars and to hear voices telling them to **** themselves and everyone around them. I swear, nothing is lovely about demons eating at your brain and thoughts.

I remember when it was four am, and I was up weeping from the fact that people think my suffering is lovely.

I can swear to you, it's not.
***** hiding that I went to a mental ward. because I think that this is the best poem I've ever written.
do you taste me on his lips
when you kiss them goodnight?

do you imagine me with my sleepy gaze
when you wake up in the morning
and the other side of the bed is empty,
the sheets pristine?

when he praises you on your promotion
how do you feel when you realize
his words are echoes of mine?

does he ever wake up in the middle of the night
to hear you whispering on the phone
to a girl whose name he's never heard of?

did your daughter question why
there was a lipstick stain
on the sleeve of your shirt?

did your son ask you why
you were half an hour late to pick him up from school
and when you came, you were a mess?

do they ask you why you took the kodak off the shelf and brushed off the dust
do they ask you why you wear that suit and those jeans more often now
do they ask you why you seem to be haunted by ghosts of your guilt
do they ask you why you started leaving your hair long
do they ask you why you started smoking a pipe again
do they ask you why you come home late, late, later
do they ask you why you don't do horror any more
do they ask you why you
do they ask you why
do they ask you
do they ask
do they

"i have a question," you say to me,
drunk and drowsy, tangled hair and sweaty palms,
"do you love me?"

but

why do you ask me if i love you
when you're the one leaving me
every
single
night?

do you
do you think
do you think I
do you think I am selfish
do you think I am arrogant
do you think I am deserving
do you think I am just a fool
do you think I am too young, too naive
do you think I wanted this wanted this i never wanted this
do you think I love you of course I love you, I love you, I love you
do you think of me

the simplest of questions and the most complex of answers, the most
do
you
love
me
(back)
?
It is one of those days
where I get stuck
in my pit

struggling to climb
needing to escape

Soon may be too late
late will be too long

Can someone lend me a rope?
I shan't hoist myself
not yet.
Send it so you may
safely descend
not to stay
only to visit
so I have company's comfort
here in my pit.

Maybe then they'll understand
why I slip so suddenly
and help me remember
there's always a way out.

The time will come
when the climb is
self-attained.
But I can't
not now.  

So the rope might still reside
lost to shadows only I could be
seeing.  
I just hope you carry a glimmer
of what's left of the world's lights
so this climb
and (m)any others
will be eased.
Then will come my ascent
yes, this time my own
when I won't need another
for each gradual advance
back into that
twisted little reality.
There are some days my mind becomes my worst enemy, my biggest obstacle.  Days I only want someone to be there.
 May 2014 Nathan Wells
aviisevil
Even the air breaks down to sing
As a noise cracks open his skin
No escape even though bell rings
He's trapped with me within
There's a smile on my face,
As he struggles to breath
Maybe today is my day
He won't yell at me to leave
Enlight me with your words,
Poke me where it will hurt
Tell me I am so insane
Look in my eyes, i'm so deranged
I brought my friend along
I caress and it breaks in a song
This class is 'gonna be so long
Now it's your turn to be wrong
All my rage I brought for you
In Every hour that you wasted
My grades were never so high
In every question I ever tasted  




I climb on he pulls the ladder
There's evil in this weather
Every problem has a solution
In equations of blood splatter

Every answer will now be better
Never Mind that evil proffesor
Every derivation has an outcome
On the strings of blood splatter




I will replace ink with blood
And smear it all across this page
Write a hundred times 'i'm so bad'
And all across your ****** face
Tell me to stand up, I dare
Pick me to be your little *****
Make me understand why I care
I learned with precison to slit
Your hands inside my pants
My hands on your throat
No fun for you today
Today you'll take my load
Tell me i'm ****** one more time,
And I swear it won't be neat
It won't be neat anyhow (haha)
But you sure don't want to repeat
Wherever this lesson may lead
My Mind will now be freed  
From your books and grip
I'm no more just a bad seed




I climb on he pulls the ladder
There's evil in this weather
Every problem has a solution
In equations of blood splatter

Every answer will now be better
Never Mind that evil proffesor
Every derivation has an outcome
On the strings of blood splatter




This is beginning to feel like,
It's 'gonna run for-ever
A never ending lecture
With me and my gun together
And i'm 'gonna stab everyone now
So much for being the loner
Them cheerleaders and jocks
Even the **** addicts and stoners
Lesson of life from the dead
Final chapter of their semester
Now's the time, i'm 'gonna start
Pay attention to the professor
I'm 'gonna show you how to die
And everyone will score an 'A'
Be on your knees, there's no god
I'll **** the ones first who pray
It's so much more fun than maths
Don't you agree my dead friends
No more science and history  
For you'll be history in the end





I climb on he pulls the ladder
There's evil in this weather
Every problem has a solution
In equations of blood splatter

Every answer will now be better
Never Mind that evil proffesor
Every derivation has an outcome
On the strings of blood splatter



as I pull the sweet trigger,
vibrations through my veins
kiss my pretty *******
I remember every name
A nice way to let it all out
As they scream and shout
I'm 'gonna be on news momma
And you'll tell them all about,
How you never knew who I am,
Who I was, no more a man
A rock and black metal fan
A ****** no one could understand
For every ghost who feels weak
I'll show them who we really are
As another town falls asleep
I'll wake up in someones heart
I'll be on the front page,
I'll be the talk of every town
A curse kept in the closet
That every few years come around




I climb on he pulls the ladder
There's evil in this weather
Every problem has a solution
In equations of blood splatter

Every answer will now be better
Never Mind that evil proffesor
Every derivation has an outcome
On the strings of blood splatter
Notes (optional)
i will sketch myself a gun
and load it
with toxic lead scrawled neatly, letters looping like a noose,
with scratches on chalkboards, like footprints on the moon
        and scars on my wrist.
i will give these words the power to ****
    and with one last remaining breath
       i'll place it against the fire, beating in my temples
and words and letters and music
  will flow,
    into me and out of me
an endless whisper
   of poems
   surging through my veins.


and all will at last be dark.

*-j.s
 May 2014 Nathan Wells
Marlo
Rage filled nights,
Blood filled fights.
Red visions blurred,
Directions without a word.
Satan fills your thoughts,
Religion is forgotten,
Bible pages gone rotten.
Green blood through your veins,
****** fills your brain.
Run and ****,
Stab for the thrill.
Wicked smiles placed,
Angelic qualities erased.
My hunger is traced with the craving,
That when satisfied sends me raving.
i'm a demon
. *** .
 May 2014 Nathan Wells
calion
if you find a worm in your apple, you'll throw it away.
but there are still good parts.
the worm's only in one place.
some people are just too afraid to try the apple again.

we all have worms,
and the question is,
are you too afraid that you'll find mine?
inspired by: "so you have this apple, and its the juiciest and tastiest apple ever. but a worm crawls in it. most people just throw the apple away. but it's still good everywhere else. some people just can't see past the worm."
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