I'm working on having my first book of poetry published right now. It will have some of the poems I have posted here and a whole bunch more that will be exclusive to the book. If any of you are interested in purchasing it, feel free to message me here so you can get your hands on one of the first copies! It's looking like they're going to be about $10-$15 at the moment, but nothing is set in stone. Thanks to all of you supporting me here on hellopoetry.com, I honestly wouldn't have felt empowered enough to go through with this had I not had each and every one of your views, likes, comments, messages, and love. Also, thanks in advance to those of you who will be purchasing!!

I see problems down the line
Darkness steals my sight
While I'm looking for a sign
I can't see without any light

It's humid here
And the windows are cracked
I'm eating but I'm starving with fear
A smile on her face but emotion is lacked

I'm feeling the room with my mind
Listening to the songs from their creaking radio
And hoping for some hidden existential secret to find
As over and over in my mind turns this scenario

I'm pale and freckled and my hair is long
They're dark and their voices hum melodies sweeter than my supper
It's a long and simple song
Almost describing the state of mind after taking an upper

The men seem happy
The women seem lonely
It is fall and the woods grow sappy
It is dark and here I am young and only

They're here because they don't have any money
I'm here because I don't have any friends
They treat me lovingly, like I am their communal child, calling me honey
They tell me no worries things change and to an end come trends

My blue pleated skirt is saturated with the scent of soul food
And my mind carries the only bit of them that leaves the kitchen
My white button up hides the good
And my ears hold in the things told to the only one who'd listen

Calculus believes in God:
That's how each problem is solved
Chemistry believes  in Karma-
So each equation is balanced: what happens on one side happens on both
Physics believes in ******* the good over;
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

Yet, Earth spins because of the rules of physics.
What does that say about out lives?

And literature believes in everything you do
Or nothing you do
Or it tears you apart because half of the work aligns with your beliefs while the other half appalls you

What Relapse feels like
Relapse- a proper noun that steals your attention and commands your obedience

Every person that was a part of your recovery had been lying
The recollection that it did not **** you but it did not make you stronger
Reliving the moment it stopped your living and when it prevented your dying
The feeling that you will not survive much longer
That is how relapse feels

The first taste of fruit after a long and barren winter
A moment of peace in a life measured in seconds
The perfectly straight lines of a newly aligned printer
A demand for piled servings and SECONDS!
That is how relapse feels

The need of a familiar place; of a familiar face
Desire for someone to hold you tight
The need to go far away; to go to outer space
Desire to leave this world for the light
That is how relapse feels

It's a ripping motion
Between wanting it to end and wanting its intensification
Between having to much and too little emotion
And the worlds between the brain speak languages with no translation
That is how relapse feels

It feels so good just to be so bad
The beauty in the human body's ability to mend and to break
It feels so bad just to be so sad
And the repulsive face of being awake
That is how relapse feels

It's a tearing
It's a tugging
It's a pulling
It's a shoving

Relapse is looking at the sky and thanking God for the ability to be alive
ten minutes before a battle in the head
asking if it's worth it to survive
ten minutes before tears stain so silently alone in bed

It's a promise broken
It's every moment spent clean wasted
It's the truth unspoken
It's the loss of happiness that had barely been tasted

That.
That is how relapse feels.

Dancing around the kitchen
And through the eons of lives we'd forgotten we'd shared
Becoming again one another's addiction
With love blatantly declared

Inhaling the spring sunlit air
And absorbing the memories we made alone
Truly listening to what the other has to share
And looking at what is shown

Artificially corrected vision
Does not influence the natural inspiration
Nor the precision
With which we build our creation

We walk
We are; ain't
We talk
Paint!

We smile when we want to
Not when we're told we should
We act true
And we are good

A pair
An alliance
Breathing the same air
Unrestrained by some invisible fence
~live together peacefully~

Here’s to us
to the next generation
Here’s to us
to the first generation with shorter life expectancies than our parents
to the next generation to create the most lethal weapon
Here’s to us
to another generation that is perpetuating stigmas around *** and ****** preferences
to the next generation to create cancer causing chemicals
Here’s to us
to another generation keeping racism and sexism alive
And here’s to us
to the next generation to **** up the next generation!

Yeah, here’s to us and all the distress
we cause
Yeah, and here’s to us and all the mess
we cause

No!
Here’s to us
to the next generation
Here’s to us
to the generation craving to live deeply and fully
to the next generation that will fight for our rights as blacks and whites
Here’s to us
to the generation that understands that sexuality is fluid
to the next generation to walk for; work for cures
Here’s to us
to another generation of protests agains lies and fights won with mighty pens
And here’s to us
to the next generation to create the next generation.

I want nobody to ever have to see me again and I want to never have to see anyone again
I want to sing in the woods and sleep by the fire and shower in the rain and dance to a nonexistent tune
I want to be sometimes alone but never to be lonely I want to be content but never ecstatic and never broken down never concerned
I want to be with so many people all that I love, but none of them broken as they are. They're there just for me to love and have.
I want a blanket and tea and shelter from demons that live in my heart.