why do i keep holding on
on something so uncertain
uncertain if you really want me
me who only knows how to hope

why do I like you
you do not even notice
my longing stares and glances
glances that I've hidden so long

why don't you choose me
me who kept on waiting
waiting for something uncertain
uncertain as you are

i write too many poems for you
ones i assure you don't know of
and you won't even read it
for the existence is beyond your knowledge

i write too many poems for you
ones i can't even read
it's just so hard to believe
that it's all about the same thing

i write too many poems for you
ones my hands just type without cue
how i mindlessly formulate it
in all honesty, i have no clue

i write too many poems for you
at one point i wish you knew
but I'm contented that you don't
for i know nothing would change

i write too many poems for you
but we're not on the same line
nor on the same stanza
neither in the same poem

i write too many poems for you
but it's time to stop now
it's tiring, don't you think?
to write, without a reader.

Dear me,
Don't just sit
Rise, and pursue greatness.

Don't just watch
Go after what you want.

Don't just exist
Strive and start living.

Don't just dream
Work hard and aim for success.

Don't get tired
Keep hiking until you get to the peak.

This was written in 1998 by my daughter as a comparative study in her 11th grade English class. Her instructor said it was the best piece she had ever received in the thirty some years of teaching.
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Beowulf or Christ?

by
Kristen Stevens

Two Standards are raised on the field of battle. The armies rush forward knowing there can be no middle ground, no halfway assault. Each knows only one can leave the battlefield the victor. In the epic tale of Beowulf , good and evil clash in the forms of Beowulf, Grendel, Grendel’s mother and the dragon.

Beowulf journeys to Herot in order to free King Hrothgar’s kingdom from the grip of the monster Grendel. Beowulf is a problem solver and Grendel is the problem. “The monster’s thoughts were as quick as his…claws: He…snatched up thirty men, smashed them…and ran out with their bodies” (119-122) Beowulf portrays Christ. He leaves his home for one purpose; to withstand evil. Christ left Heaven and went out into the wilderness to withstand the devil’s temptation. Beowulf and Christ both wrestle with the dark forces but in different ways. Beowulf used his hands “That mighty protector of men meant to hold the monster til its life leaped out”(791-792). Christ uses scripture to beat back His opponent.

Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word
that comes from the mouth of God (Duet. 8:3).

Do not put the Lord your God to the test (Duet. 6:16).

Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only (Duet. 6:13).


Neither opponent could break free without losing something.

Beowulf and Christ are both more than human. Beowulf has phenomenal strength and Christ is God’s son. Christ “came to save the world” (John 3:18). Beowulf leaves his home of comfort and peace to save his neighbors. “Beowulf…heard how Grendel filled nights with the horror…proclaiming that he’d go to …Hrothgar”(194-200). No man alive could match Beowulf and no man can ever match Christ.

Both of them go through a change. Each is “baptized”. Beowulf is baptized twice: once, when he jumps in the lake and once again by fire. When he comes out of the lake he is a changed man. He initially goes for fame but not the reason anymore when he heads home. “So…proved myself…guarding God’s gracious gift” (2177-2181). He is baptized the second time by fire from the dragon’s mouth. The first baptism is a wash or a cleansing. The second is a purifier. Fire refines. Beowulf is refined into a better man for eternity when he fights his last battle. “Beowulf fell back; its breath flared and he suffered, wrapped around in swirling flames” (2593-2595). Christ was baptized so that He could begin His work on Earth. “Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John” (Mat. 3:13). Before Beowulf’s baptism people see him as just a great man, but after people see him as a king. Christ was just a carpenter’s son, until he was baptized and became the King of Kings.

To compare Beowulf and Christ’s last battles, you have to look at what they were fighting. Beowulf fights the dragon. The dragon symbolizes death and our own reluctance to die. “The gold and jewel she had guarded for so long could not bring him pleasure much longer” (2239-2240). Dying means man has to leave behind all his material wealth. Beowulf is old when he fights the dragon. He is coming close to his death and it frightens him. He wants to protect his people. He is willing to lay down his life for them. Just like Christ laid down his life to save us from our dragon. When faced with death, Beowulf and Christ rise above human expectations. Beowulf defeats death - he killed the dragon. Christ overcame death and rose three days later. Both act as an intermediary between danger and their people. Beowulf stands before the dragon. He blocks the path to his people. Christ stands between humans and God. Through Him God sees us as pure. Christ blocks the judgment that mankind deserves.

The last similarity between Beowulf and Christ is what happened after their deaths. After Christ died and rose, God’s chosen people went into a decline. They rejected Him and brought misery upon themselves. For two centuries they were persecuted by Rome. For two millennia they have been shoved aside and animated many times. Beowulf’s people took the treasure and the curse that came with it. “The spell…solemnly laid…was meant to last…Whoever stole their jewels…would be cursed” (3068-3070). Beowulf’s people have misery awaiting them.

As the army retreats, their brave general having fallen, they know they have won. The cost is great, but it had to be paid. Even today the battle rages on and the war will not end until the last enemy falls. Beowulf and Christ, both paid the price for their people’s protection and freedom. The enemy exacted its toll, but it was not enough. The hero and the Savior live on today.

as the little bird tries to fly,
it explored the very sky,
with her wings waving so high,
with the joy she cry

as the little bird tries to sing,
she sang so loud hoping one could hear a thing,
she waved again her little wing,
little did they know she was yelling

as the little bird tries to speak,
no one wants to hear for she's so meek
everyone thought it was just a trick
but they can't see the tears on her cheek

as the little bird tries to escape
she tries to fit in any shape
with her wings she casually drape,
her little body she gently scrape

as the little bird tries to cry
she began to look at the sky
is she here to live or to die
no one really knows why

I always wonder why by the end of the month
Every smell changes like seasons fall into place
How today would smell sappy and fresh
But tomorrow it’ll be sugary and sweet

Once, I saw you changing it
I asked why you do that
You smiled and handed it to me as I sniff it,
“Nothing really lasts long.”

Whenever I get a sniff of this it reminds me of that place
I’d always go at the back seat or beside you
But now you’re gone it’s never the same
For I never experienced being beside you again

Now, I get why you change it every month,
For even the pleasant smell of an air freshener is temporary,
Despite of its strong and rich scent
There’ll be a time it needs to be replaced

Soft and musky
Clean and cool
Mild and delicate
The scents you always loved

So as I change my car freshener,
I still wonder,
If you were here by my side,
Would you be the one to change it every end of the month?

dear anxiety, when will you leave me?
all my thoughts have gone wary
even my vision's kinda blurry
hear me out and save me hurry

dear anxiety, why are you here?
creeping me out so sheer
you won't get another tear
is anyone ever near?

dear anxiety, what do you want?
still in my dreams you do your haunt
tell it to me and i shall grant
even so, no one hears my rant

dear anxiety, who must i call?
though in the end it's me who will fall
surely you have taken its toll
when will they see it all?

dear anxiety, how are you?
so good at keeping me blue
remind me that this reality is true
those who see it are only few

i just need a little rest
a week or so would suffice
no time to be pressed
give myself a time to realize

let me figure things out
there's a lot going around in my mind
let the season be in drought
i'll see what i can find

go away for now
what i need is no one's company
i may have no idea how
but let me rest harmoniously

i liked how i opened you
from the depths within our small world
how i pushed you out of the blue
now, nothing is blurred

i adore how you speak with so little words
from the way you choose the phrases you tell
how one word from you i instanly get absurd
now, i realized, i have fell

i love how you remember the smallest of the things
from my strange fascinations to my ordinary repulsion
how you remind me of my often mood swings
now, everything's just a memory fraction

i liked how you opened me from my own
i adored how you can have such patient with me
i loved how you always get me in any tone
now, I'm letting you free.

i tried to search you from the obviousness
with the help of the memories I've gathered
but all I am is helpless
perhaps, my memory is all withered

i tried to find you with the clues you have given
all what you had left I tried using
but now even the odds have turned even
still, there is not much finding

even if I won't find you
remember that I tried
though I'm not sure if what we had was true
remember, I'll always be by your side