What does it mean to love "scarred". I thought as I sat there running my fingers across the keys of the black keyboard, the letters in white standing still and unmovable atop the glossy charcoal plastic.
Entering data onto the screen..thinking about the facts and details listed into my story.
My mind wandered from the task at hand..I pictured myself...calm in demeanor...raging inside to unleash the fury, fervor and forgiveness of the untold story boiling within.
Tucked away in shades of tall lustrous trees, behind the walls of a small charmingly cozy cabin, emptying the madness of words to create- My Story-in ink.
The one reason I've been given breath and sensation to envision beyond the factitious boundaries that surround these hands and feet.
Loving despite the afflictions that seemingly forever tore at my heart, is quite possibly one of the greatest types of Love.
Constructing within me the ability to Hopefully...Master compassion.
Loving scarred. Loving despite pain, loving with wreckage still in the heart, loving with the stains of tears etched in the skin, loving having the knowledge of love and loss.
Perhaps..this is the best form of Love.
Rather than wishing these away, soaking them in..allowing the forming of the heart to take place.
Love, whether blemished, disfigured or flawed..
is the one source of human capability to fully heal.

When I get where I'm going
On the far side of the sky
The first thing that I'm gonna do
Is spread my wings and fly

I'm gonna land beside a lion
And run my fingers through his mane
Or I might find out what it's like
To ride a drop of rain

[Chorus]
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
I will shed the sins and struggles
I have carried all these years
And I'll leave my heart wide open
I will love and have no fear
Yeah when I get where I'm going
Don't cry for me down here

I'm gonna walk with my grand daddy
And he'll match me step for step
And I'll tell him how I missed him
Every minute since he left
Then I'll hug his neck

[Repeat chorus]

So much pain and so much darkness
In this world we stumble through
All these questions I can't answer
So much work to do

But when I get where I'm going
And I see my maker's face
I'll stand forever in the light
Of his amazing grace
Yeah when I get where I'm going
There'll be only happy tears
Hallelujah
I will love and have no fear
When I get where I'm going
Yeah when I get where I'm going

The noise of Fall is deafening.
Tie your shoes and grab your coat.
You shouted 'til your throat was sore.
I watched the seasons
          change from where I stood
          in piling snow.

Listen, friend: I've got a few bucks
and some reasons in one fist.
In the other, got some memories
          and the lining
of my pocket in a grip.

Do you wanna fight the cold off
               with me
          and a couple drinks?
I'm thinking one good weekend
and a friendly face could save this.
Blame this time that's piled between us,
               blame the
     deep snow as we sink.
Call me up and maybe we could
scan the skyline, eyes unblinking.

And I know it's been a long time.
Bills tied hands, time clocks grabbed throats.
You've floated, changing hue on wind
gusting. I'm a name
             you half forgot
          ****** in the snow.

And I'll be gone come Spring time,
with my lowbrow jokes; my crude reminders
of the sharp angles
          of the letters I use
          to spell my name.

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

It will lift you up high
To send you crashing to the ground

Hope:
The most painful gift around

It will keep you alive
Just to torture you longer

Hope:
Heartbreak disguised as joy

It will let you feel whole
Just to shatter you more

Hope:
The biggest killer of them all

*It will give you love
Then watch you drown

You just left on a jet plane,
now the boys are back in town.
I've come down with a sickness,
but they still want me around.
          I don't wanna leave my couch
          and I don't wanna go downtown.
'Cuz without your face, this place is just overplayed.
Just wanna turn the volume all the way down.

I've been wandering old streets,
seeing all the oldest faces
in the places where we'd meet.
When they ask about you, I can't face them.

Now I've looped around this town
about a million ******* times.
Old group's predictable. Those clowns
still have the time of their life.

You're off to better things.
Hope Sacramento's ******* awesome.
Your absence here still stings,
and the radio here's still just awful.

I'm still hooked on old feelings
I was born to not outrun.
I wish I could stop believing
that the past was just more fun.
          I don't Journey off my couch.
         And I'm a Foreigner downtown.
Now I'm broadcasting doubt and my town is played out.
          I wanna drown the volume out.

I've been haunting same old bars,
seeing all the same old comrades,
between same sidewalks and same stars.
They never left and that makes me feel bad.

Now you've been gone 6 months,
and you might never come back.
If I hear "Sweet Home Alabama"
one more time, I'll ******* crack.

You're off to better things.
Hope Sacramento's ******* awesome.
Your absence here still stings.
And the radio's still ******* awful.

I always knew that love would come find me someday
but never did I know that it would be you who was headed my way
you caught me off guard and took me by surprise
but you simply captivated me, the same way you do when I look into your eyes

It's true that every good and perfect gift is from above
you were presented to me as a beautifully packaged gift full of humor, talent, intelligence, beauty and love
"it isn't finding the perfect person but learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
we all have our flaws but when I view you through my eyes, perfection is all I see

From when you laugh to when you're upset, I still love the little things you do
especially hearing you laugh and seeing your nose wrinkle the same way mine does too
coming into this relationship has been hard at times but we've made it through
I know as long as we're on this journey together, there's nothing that we can't do.

Sometimes I wonder if what we have is too good to be true
too scared to get my heart broken and scared of the thought of losing you
but in the end, I trust in the author and perfecter of what I believe
because what we ask for in Him, we in return shall receive

"Where your treasure is, your heart will be also" is how the saying goes
I may not know what tomorrow may bring, for God is the only one who knows
the one thing I do know is that you are my one and only
a treasure in my heart that I want to devote my whole life to completely

I know I don't need to prove my feelings to know they're true
because what I've known in my past, doesn't come close to the experience I've shared with you
I've had the experience of being in relationships before
however, this is the first time I've been truly happy... I couldn't ask for anything more
it's an honor to know that I am yours, as you are mine
and I trust God that He'll bring us together in His beautiful time

For now, I'll be waiting patiently for that day when we'll be together
that precious moment in time when I'll say, "it's you that I want to be with forever"
God made everything beautiful, precious and new
just as beautiful and precious as the day will be, when I look into your eyes and say, "I Love You"

Just hold on...
People tell me

Hold on to what?
Hold on *for what?

Nobody's coming
I'm not getting saved

But still I hold on
My knuckles are white
My hands are shaking
But I'm still holding on

I made a promise
And I keep my promises

You say
Just hold on

And I'm trying.
For you.