The Doubts,
The constant,
Sporadic,
Persistant,
Doubts.
Riding on a ferris wheel,
Going up and down,
Riding through the wave,
Then all alone in my cave.  
Going up and down.  
The doubts
Come and go,
Set me free,
Then prison me in bitter sprees.
Oh, leave me be.
There is no room for doubt,
That is the key.

Create
and sublimate
       invite all the fears
it's a party
       screaming and weeping
       raging and splashing
       nervous trembling
       lonesome breathing
let them stay
     fuel their party
     then kick them out
all out
for they might start defeating

Break me or make me,
I am lost either way.
I am just a plaster
waiting to be molded.
I have no direction or courage,
To save me from my despair.  
I am the prisoner of comfort.
Shake me up,
I cannot stay.

Same place
  same state
  same memory

What if
  its our essence
  no movement
  sanction to experience
  what is
  no motion to distract
  
and within the malaise
        shifted orientation
        acclimatize

Breath reawakening

                                        Nirvana

What is it that you seek?
Is it your heart,
Or your mind?
There is no right or wrong,
Only different routes,
That keep you blossomed or hung.

Curly wool
laugh but don’t sing
sing but don’t cry
cry but don’t sheep
shadow but don’t lead
lead but don’t sweep
sweep but don’t treat
treat and sing
dance and twirl
dwell on the ride
Don’t forget the wool

All      the states
I try to   escape
               essentially
I compare
       power lost in despair
         Here's a cheesy poem about
       my fears  
   morphed into conflicting parts
        When will I get respite?  
From the waves
       Waves
       Waves
       I love waves
Not my own wavE

There came a moment,
Where I yearned to dream of you,
The only way I knew how.
I cannot reach you,
We both have moved on,
See, can't you tell?
The memories of you,
Won't leave me.
They twist my feelings,
Pause my happiness.
All to be left with the dilemma,
Of your soul or another.

For so long you have been looking for happiness,
When it has lived in you all this time.  
Resting like the warmth of a burning fire,
Merely dimmed out because of all the mire.
It has been in front of you,
You do not need to do anything,
Just let go,
And then you will feel,
That sweet friend called happiness
You have been searching for years.
It has just been living at home,
Right above your fears.

hello hello wake me up
this dream I have cannot be mine
twisted realities
              jump to and from
leaving behind opposing forces
     at the mouth of the storm

bodies take over my thoughts
I give them the ticket
to judge my scattered path

- I am without control

Slowly I am
        wiping the mirrors
   discerning the recurrent reflective reality
   witnessing the frivolously furtive fears
              Maybe finally I can
              let go of those years
              swallowing your sins
              as mine
                          robbing me from my own
home.

To dust or fall
I cannot decide
If I dust
I am a sheep in a well
If I fall
I have no pieces of me left
And the residues is all that will be felt
To break or stay
I lose either way
Maybe I will just be wind blowing away

it flusters me that
you
pour so much of this affection
and i, so weak and naive
fall each time as though i forget all the other
times you made me feel ill.
all the other times i felt betrayed and
insignificant

not by you, but by my own
shortfall of deep love
for me
for my soul.

you didn't make me feel ill,
that was me.

He asked her,
What is art, my dear?
     Art is life.
     Life is art.
     Everything around is art.
     The way you smile,
     The way you write,
     The way I read.
     Everything is art
        Only in different expressions.

why don't i believe the things you say
why do i delve in your words
why do i starve for your affection
aware of it's cheap sentimental pieces
taken from your past loves,
recycled
to make me smile.
i hate that it works,
that your cheap sentimental affection
makes me weak
i forget about me
do you even care?
why. don't. i. believe. you. may. actually.
love. me.
care about me.
want to know me.
why is it hard for me to accept love
is it a self-fulling prophecy or
perhaps merely good acting
to satisfy your own needs
am i that crazy?

and to trust
striving to trust others
giving others chances
Love
knowing the power of love
but why
Why
why are some so manipulative
you give love
and they consume
like a hungry lion
no remorse
just taking
and taking

Would you call me foolish
if
I still give
because somewhere deep down
I know
Love is all

Yet I still get fooled
I am so confused
but I am not
because
I know
Love is all.

In case you ever forget,

you are light
an imaginative soul
bursting out creativity
you don't see thorns you see roses
because you are light

you contribute with your mind
your intellect
         blossoming others

you are filled with sweetness
a heart purer than you know

you have infinite power in you
I have not come across an energy like yours
your warm magnitude
supports every soul you touch

With earth
I ground
my feet
in soil
rooted in life
secure with branches
intertwined in the ecosystem
foundation is my purpose
in this level
nourishment
truth
health
family
boundaries
prosperity
home

keep me afloat or in despair
find me at the base of the spine
I highlight all things physical
my orientation is to self-preserve
my right is to be
here on earth
to have

fear feeds this demon
it disrupts all above when ungrounded
I say to myself
I stand tall
and grow my roots
deep into the earth

I am safe here

Sweet words
I've missed you dearly so.
The way you move my
Exhausting thoughts
Making rhythmic tones
Releasing me of my
Gruesome rumination
Sweet words,
Writing poetry
I've missed you
I don't want to ever
Part again for this long
For I become too distraughtful without your touch

There was once a full circle
Then one by one
Each one left
Only to be left alone
All by my self

no matter the intensity
no matter the frequency
no matter the depth
no matter the authenticity
if
i. don't. believe. in. me.
if
i don't love
me
you will never be enough,
because i will never feel enough
i need me.  
it is a vital love

I think I have lost it
I let myself go again

lonely with your presence
I yearn for your love
even though its merely affection
         where is your action?
you don't love me
I have so many expectations
       (you and I keep stating that)
       (is it true?)
maybe I do and I am being foolish
Crazy, overthinking
                                   I am so unstable right now

This is only a phase,
I will get past this.

I am not crazy

I am soul
with a thirst for growth
and
awareness.

I ended up releasing a lot
of energy, but now i feel
a bit better in terms of the nausea

and then
i have this heavy suspicious belief
you
become repulsed
with my sentiments. intense
you counter it with sugarcoated devotion
you. don't. want.
                                   me
you want my love
to satisfy your needs.

and then
my walls are built

And just like that
I shattered to pieces

we were laughing right before
expressing love,
devouring each other with love
                   after so many months
then tonight
I am *******, changing,
feeling graceful, beautiful
a little shbeel went on

I get in bed

you start questioning if you can take care of
animals
I reassure you that you are absolutely capable
and this shbeel is so trivial
        let it go

you keep saying you cant take care of them
and then you tare me apart by saying
        you think you're going to hurt me
more sentences come out of your mouth
confirming that you think you will

And you have
and I forgave
and I tried to forget
and accept
so easy for you
to dismiss it all

I leave the room and swallow the lump in my throat
  it feels like I am going to explode

So easy for you, to turn on your show,
and carry on, picking your nose,
as if nothing happened.

you tore my heart tonight
and i let you

I've seen the palms
I've seen the trees
I've seen the ocean
Felt the breeze
Calm and torrent
I take a walk with the fluffy
companion of mine
my partially bare skin
absorbs the heart
from the mega fantastic
beast, the sun
let this moment be
an eternal
moment of ease
and lease
my thoughts to the unease bin

my spirit
my soul
I often neglect you
thinking it is my mind
that is I
                              it controls


My soul
from now on,
when I
write
speak
dance
sing
paint
draw
be
I will let you carve the path
for You are I
and that is the most authentic
I.

I am me.
but i apologize for being me
for the delights and the
wretchedness.
why do we mold for acceptance
why do i,
constantly steer to please
others
and
concealing my essence
only because i think
their validation
fills
the empty space in my heart
reserved only for
my own love
for me.
how silly of me. how cliché.

And to trust
striving to trust others
giving others chances
love
knowing the power of love
but why
why
why are some so manipulative
you give love
and they consume
like a hungry lion
no remorse
just taking
and taking

would you call me foolish
if
I still give
because somewhere deep down
I know
love is all

yet I still get fooled
I am confused
but I am not,
because
I know
Love is all.

Before
I would ask myself
Do I live in a
Good world
Or
Bad world
And the answer would almost always be
Good world

Now
I ask myself the same question
The answer is not the same it once was
I often feel I live in a bad world

People masquerading as good
And I am falling into that
Or have I always been but
a catalyst to yield the sprout was the missing ingredient
It becomes survival of the fittest
If that is how I have to survive to be fit
I don’t want to survive
I want to wholeheartedly believe I live in a good world

I need to.

Lately,

I only want to write about you
sit in silence dreaming of your essence
your tender lips
           oh your sweet lips
I fantasize about them
touching mine
the warmth, the softness
you taste of honey


I really do love you

I seek you and swim in your love
fond of your being
then
shaken and broken by the memories
memories of your betrayal towards me
I break
weep
yet I can't leave
you're so much joy
your soul is radiating in beauty

but why would you do that?

Heart full
not for me

heart full
just for me

one day its there
  drained
  drought
  deprived

for me

you come
when it has
lingered fullness
     for another

heart
  drains
  washes away

not refreshed
residues of the confusion
carry on
   to This

This starts to take over
fills the heart

not for me

space becomes occupied

Not for me.

I feel so off, she said
I can feel the cortisol swimming all over my
body
mind
touching every cell with unpleasant
edginess
I need to release it
I really need to work out
I need to f*ck you

                        He looks up at her windy, soft face as they cuddle
                        he smiles and they lock eyes

I'm tired
vexed
of the confusion
from this attraction
it seems that it leaves me nothing but
anticipation
for your attention
I cannot align to your energy
I align and if you align
then we align
together.

If I ask myself

Who am I
          without describing
                  my name
                  job
                  family, friends
              externalities

I know

I am a soul
   manifested into this body
   blessed with the beauty of life
   the light and the darkness
   all make me

I am a soaring energy
ready to radiate

So are you

We are one

you laugh at my silly plays
sorrows forsaken without surfaces
to prove
to conceal the truths
to make me believe
you

so the pieces fell
Again
I think I lost again
but did I?
each time I unveil myself
hoping the seeds will blossom
it gets spoiled externally
I did it again.
left the seeds out to be
Limited

Fixed for your affection
you were aligned to my path
to be a weighty mirror

Hey hey
you don't forget
this one is not what you want
a mere **** to be plucked out

             Love
               for the self
               a potent fertilizer

I love to write
But I ****
I am no good at writing
nothing is enticing about my writing
or special
But I can't stop
Maybe one day
the words I use to express my heart
will make their way out more eloquently

The same rule and structure
placed in our society
the social constructs
the political installments
all of it
are implemented outside of our consent
whether we agree or not
in the end, it creates an ecosystem
functioning or not
our minds live in
free will
that is why it is chaotic
   drumming without a beat,
   hating without a cause
   loving with motivation
   doing with deception
   no structure
   no unconditional love
   just chaos
   no one to tame the mind
   it runs wild
   and
free
a dog stuck in a house alone without creative release

I'm taking back my sovereignty
of the mind
I will watch it from afar
a king studying his kingdom
from afar
from above

study and observe
smile at your children
for as they think
as the king, direct them
smile at them but
for any child spills
the toxic juice to your kingdom inside,
you kindly uninvited and
you say
go on my child, for you
have served your duty in my kingdom
to teach me to
watch for weeds in my kingdom
you are my ****
and I thank you
but leave now
for in my kingdom
drama and chaos are no longer
Welcome.

There will be a system now
a rule
a ruling
a sovereign state
without hate
only love
a sanctuary
for as long as my kingdom is breathing
I as the king, owing to my land
to make it a beautiful one
and when the darkness comes
the peace is still there

Thank you for reading about my
sovereign state
without uninvited children running it.

unintentional space
from this place
makes my heartache

registration dysfunction

I come back home
refugee

         safe haven
         love
         respect
         appreciation
         creation
         art
         forgiveness
         release
         tenderness
         so sweet
         darkness and shadows
         torments and traumas  
         grief and burnouts
      wrapped in
here
Hello Poetry

my heart has a sacred campground
for this community
this place
thank you to each artist here

Where ever you go
Take your h e a r t
with you
take G o d with you
Whatever G o d may be to you

Take it with you
Take it with you

otherwise
you may end up as an egoic zombie.

Yes the road we took
Unconventional it may be
a shadow
you loved me
I do not know
how to express the way
you made my heart react
it was not butterflies
it was turning
the oil lamp on and keeping that
flame running for infinite time

In the basement
first day alone
foreign land
to my mind
to my eyes
home to my heart
I was home
Inside the basement
blue walls
nautica theme Airbnb
desperate for love I was
for ***
for touch
      another realm
and found you in an unconventional  way

you
so
cold
so distant
and
stranger

my heart knew otherwise
my heart clinged to you
I do not cling
an ice

with you
I erupted
then felt grounded
in your presence

my body may be here
but my roots not too far from you
when will I see you again
for my heart closes to all
but you.

Yes
the road we took
unconventional it may be
but you shadowed me
loved me
I do not know
how to express the way
you made my heart react
it was not butterflies
it was like turning a
the oil lamp on
fueling that flame for some time

In the basement
first night alone
foreign land
to my mind
to my eyes
home to my heart
I was home
inside the basement
blue walls
Nautical theme Airbnb
desperate for love
for ***
for touch
I searched online
I found you in an unconventional way

you
cold
a distant stranger
my heart knew otherwise
my heart blindly attached to you
I do not cling
I am an ice
you grounded me
my body may not be here
but my roots not too far from you
when will I see you again?

and then you disappeared.
no trace
no nothing.