I was not ready for this.
Did you know I had no idea what I was getting myself into?
Did you know what we would become?
Did you always know?

I am still not ready for this.
I now know that I got myself into a storm I cannot escape.
I now know you cannot be friends that kiss and know each others demons too.
I now know that this will end,

But baby I am holding on because I'll never be ready for the nights I drown the taste of your lips with your favorite alcohol.

It's kind of like you're dead because you're not here and I can't feel you breathing anymore.
     
And this twin sized bed seems so big without you here making it seem so small.
         
 And it's like this deep ache in my bones because I miss you so much and I want you by my side.
              
 I just don't understand this feeling because I can't be yours but you kiss me like I am.

I'm sorry* if you don't like me sometimes,
          and I'm scared for the day when I'll see you around and you won't         smile at me.
I'm sorry when I say things that don't make sense,
          and I'm scared for the day when I can't think about you without crying.
I'm sorry that I think I am in love with you sometimes,
          and I'm scared for the day that I forget what it's like to be close to you.

tell me:
what you want because I can't figure it out.
how to be okay when you say we should stop sneaking around.
how to turn off these feelings because I'm telling them to stop and they aren't listening.
how to go home and be fine when you kiss me that way.
to quit thinking about you because it's late and those nights won't stop replaying.
how to move on when you still hold me like you do.
how not to fall in love with you because I can't stop shaking at the thought that I am.

curled in the back corner of the library
we hide
bounded by the chains of religion
one slip of the tongue
and all the late nights and secrets
will be gone
everything we share
lost by the whisper of someone near

and i am in love with you,

i never thought it would feel like this,
like a deep ache,

i would not wish this on anyone,
because love hurts,

and i am in love with you,

i want to be free like the birds, i don't want this life
- help me find my way
- i'm lost
- to see things i've never imagined possible
- to love like i'll never get hurt
- to be my own person with you
- love me back
- terrifying
- pray i'll be loved
- i want more than this
- i just want you for as long as you'll have me
- i'm sorry i'm this way
- i'll be happy for good this time

you apologize twice everyday
for things out of your control
but you can't help but do it
because in your soul you know
that we're just temporary
and trying to get out of this hole