The worst thing about school is that you cant excape it. You can't break down, or cry. Cause then you look crazy. Emotional. Because nobody knows that you never eat and you are lost in sadness, nobody cares if you lost a lover or if you're hated for no reason. Nobody gives a ****.

You been upside down
You been low low low
Pretending to not feel alone,
Pretending to not feel alone.

I want her hands
To be all mine
And her soft
Perfect kiss to be only mine
I need her body
To be mine
Jealousy wrecks my brain
To imagine him on her

My head has hit
a ******* wall
I want to tear my hair out
And jump off
My house roof,
Going in head first to ensure
A snapped neck.
Because nothing matters
To them
Unless the word suicide
Is brought up.
And god knows I've been
Feeling up to it.

Jealousy
Makes my hands fists
And
Jealousy leaves
A bitter taste
In my mouth
It chokes my throat
And it clenches my
Stomach
Curls my lips
Jealousy
Makes me detest
The one I love

His eyes
Upon your eyes
His hand
Upon your hand
His lips
Caress your skin
It's more than I can stand.

Thank you for
Curing me of my
Stupid obsession
With love.

Never have I ever
Felt so alone
Unloved
Never have I ever
Regretted something
This much
Never have I ever
Woken up
Still drunk
Never have I ever
Fallen out
Of love.

All that love is,
Is many emotions into one.
Lust, safety, trust.
Or
Anger, jealousy, desperacy.

AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST FORGET EVERYTHING?
Your lips are burned into every inch
Of my body
Every single place you kissed
I feel like retching
Cause we are ended
And we ended like this
So hopeless
And numb
God I miss you so much
So ******* much
I love you
I love you
I love you
Your walk
And your laugh
How your eyes get squinty
When you get confused
I love your face when you sleep
And innocence is put in place
I love your bare shoulders
Your hands caressing
My face
How can I forget it
My own body betrays me
Longs for your touch
Slow dances
You swayed me

In the arms of your memory
You carry me
Up in the big white clouds
Reality has lost its grip on me.

Would it be crazy
If I said I liked you?

It feels like
I've been alone for years
And she is so beautiful
It hurts.

Scratch scratch
Scritch..
what the ****?


I wake up with claw marks
On my right arm..
I put them there.
in my sleep.
My ******* subconscious
Is into self harm.
Woohoo.

Hello poetry
Is more like my diary
Than it is poems.
Maybe that's all poetry ever is.
A prettily worded diary.

You've got a spot
On your neck
That I know my head
Could easily fit in.
My small warm hands
Would complete
Your big cold ones.
Why did god
Let you move
2,500 miles away from me?

I just want him
To reach out
And hold my hand.

I know.
No matter how hard I try,
Or how hard I will try,
I will never be enough.
Never enough for him.
Yet at the same time
Too much.

I wish that people
Could love me
*e f f o r t l e s s l y

theres just so much
I have wanted to say
Like what?
i I I I iii.... L-l.
I love you.*
You love me?

He slaps down
A ten dollar bill
Mutters "Marlboro 100s."
I set down
A chocolate bar
And give the cashier two dollars.
He looks so unhappy
So I ask why.
"addiction,
Little girl.
I've tried pulling myself away
From her-"
And he takes a deep breath
"cigarettes.
But they pull me back in.
A word from the wise..
Never do something too much,
Even if it's just for the
'fun' of it.
That's how addiction drags you in."
He lights up in the store
And gets kicked out,
I look at my candy bar.

I love you Lindsey,
I love you.*
I couldn't say it back.
It got stuck in my throat
With all the other things
I want, but cannot, say.

We bicker back and forth
Smiling and laughing
Phone calls and texts.
It seems like he is
Down the street..
But in real life he is
Hundreds of miles away.
If I close my eyes
I can almost imagine it.

Lindsey and Jacob.
Lindsey and Austin.
Lindsey and Mykayla.
Lindsey.
Lindey Harris
Lindsey Huitt
Lindsey Bradshaw.
My name is two syllables
Seven letters
And has 3 vowels in it.
I couldn't hate it more.

I love the look on your face
When you're driving
And how you hair looks
When I pull off your hat
I love your yawn
In the morning
And the first kiss you give me
When I see you
I love you when you're crying
Because I know I'm there to hold you
And being there for you
Is all I want sometimes.
I love your laugh
When I tickle you just right
And your eyes are closed
With your smile seemingly permanent
Begging me to stop...
I just...
I love you.

You made me wrinkle
My nose
And made me blush.
You're hundreds of miles away,
But...
Nobody has ever said
My smile was adorable.
Thank you.

I hold in all my emotions during the day. When I sleep... I grind my teeth. I wake myself up by scratching long lines across my arms till it hurts.
*God, I'm ****** up.

It doesn't matter
If I do drugs
Or go for an hour long run
It doesn't matter if I
Become an alcoholic
Or a camp counselor
It won't matter if I fall asleep
On a sidewalk
Or in the fanciest bed
Doesn't matter
If I take the low road
Or the high road
My past still follows me,
My mistakes are ones
That I cannot escape.

I fall for alcoholics,
Drug addicts.
I fall for people
Whose parents are getting divorced
Or have to take care of children
That aren't even theirs.
I fall for people
With nicely sized noses
That have been broken a couple times.
I fall for the ones
I think I can save.

To be honest
I find him
Captivating.
I find his smile beautiful.
His shaved hair wonderful.
To be honest
I always feel like losing it
Around him
And my desperacy lashes out
And strikes him on his face.
God, I like him still.
The only cure for him is distance.

I think
I'm ******* crazy
Haven't even kissed him
For almost two years
I've feigned innocence
But god now
My best friend
Won't pick up the phone
Cause they're talking
I thought I wouldn't mind
But my chest is all tight
And my stomach is in knots
I want him all to myself
His face
And hands and everything
I want him all to myself
I have since 7th grade
God it's so true that with your
First love you fall hard

I can see him
Sitting in his ****** bed
With the frame missing
And his old dog
About to die laying down
Near the pillows.
He sits
With his struggle.
He opens his bottom drawer
And out he pulls
Two bottles of *****
A pipe
A pack of cigarettes
And old letters from his ex.
He looks at his phone,
Sees that I've messaged him.
He throws it all away.

*i promise I can save him

And they move on
Leaving you sitting there
Thinking to yourself
*what did I do wrong?

Life 1:
Me and my husband
Will have love
Sprinkled with lust
And trust
And loyalty.
He will be some type of
Hard hat worker
And I'll be the cutesy teacher.
We will have
A dog and five kids
And a big back yard
With a wooden swing set
My hubby set up.
Soft,
Sweet emotions.
The only problem is--
I'm not a soft
Or sweet girl.

You smelled
Sweet
Of outdoors and wine
Your eyes
That vibrant blue they get
When you've been drinking
A little too much
You are so skinny now
A thin yet
Curvaceous rail,
The body all girls
Wish to have.
You ask to use my bathroom
Your heels in your fingers.
God,
You're so beautiful.
So ******* beautiful.
So beautiful
I'm crying.

My head exploded
Last night.
Now it is empty.
My brain is asleep.
My heart is numb.
My morals are taking
The back seat,
And seeing what
I'll become.

If there is anybody
On this website
That wants to talk to me,
Please do.
I just need anybody.
Crying out for help.

How do I do this?
Push away everyone I love?
Prove the ones who hate me right?
How do I not
Go to pills
Or the pipe?
I would if I could,
I would if I could.
How do I not
Just leave my house
Or leave the earth.
I would if I had the courage.
If I had the guts.

But instead I force myself
Not even to cry
To just be silent
And still
As my head goes
******* insane.
I choose
What would seem impossible
To everybody else.
Control.

Funny how
Forever
And always
Was crushed
After
A year and a half.

Isn't it
Hilarious
How
"you're beautiful"
Turns into
"you're a ****"?

How silly
That
"only you"
Turns into
"all of them".

How stupid
Of me
To think
We could last
Through it all.

I leave an imprint
On the world.
Small, I know.
But those who do know
Of what imprint I leave...
Well, they
Wish they didn't.

Id rather be ignorant
Than know what happened
In that ******* tent
With that ******* girl.
I'd rather be high
Than remember kissing
Him in his beat up car
And kissing while
Sitting on his lap in Raven's couch.
I'd rather be dead
Than be without her.

Ive lost over ten pounds
Sleeping
And just not eating
Seem like a perfect
match made in hell.

I just want to lose myself
In a dance
With a bottle
In my hands
And a boy
On my hips.

She has been my friend
Since fourth grade
In sophomore year
It died out
A long lasting friendship
Turned to ashes
But now I took the step
I talked to her first
And now
We are reunited
In friendship.

One day
I'll say shut up
To my mom
And my dad
I'll say *******
To their condescending words
*******,
Mom and dad.
Maybe success
In school isn't at the top of
List considering its
SUMMER.

Feeling tendrils
Of insanity
Leak through my head
Down to my mouth
Everybody is surprised
To see me speak my mind.

I will remember myself
At the bottom
Of a bottle
And at the mouth
Of a pipe.

All around me
I find myself
Spinning
In truth
And in lies
I want to scream
stop it!
But then everything might go away.

My arms ache
The space where her
Slim body fell into perfectly
Aches
My arms don't know what
To do
Since they don't hold you.
My fingers long
To touch your sweet face
And move your soft hair
Behind your ears.
My eyes are tired
Of this dismal scene
That is called "this world"
Because they only see you
In pictures-
It isn't enough.
My heart,
Oh my heart
How it aches
So deeply
To know that
Your heart was its.
Two halves
Fit together perfectly
Your neck was made
For my head
Your lips made
For my kiss
Your fingers made
To lace through mine
Oh how I wish
You were mine.
But now
I am left aching.

Stuff your sadness 
Down your throat 
Along with some ***** 
And those pills your friend gave you 
Pull up that smile 
And spread your legs 
Because if you don't 
Then "you're not acting like yourself"
Catch up 
Catch up 
Life was on pause for 
Almost a year and a half 
Get over it 
Get over her 
And get under him