My mind is flooded with questions
Whose answers are beyond me
Like what will I face
When finite breaks to infinity
Or
When my life crumbles
Can I count on you
To stick with me
And
I know I went too far
But can someone still love me
As I search the rubble
For my new identity


Never before has the end of a chapter
Been so tangible
And I'm still turning the page
No fourth wall to break
And if the world is a stage
My life is a terrible play

Not everyone's a critic
But they all give a review

Through turmoil and tragedy
I am at peace
I float in a cleansing sea of crystal
Fed by the River
Which flows from the Bema Seat
I am washed
Red
The color of life
The color of death to myself
And life
I am at peace

I am at your service
Your wish is my command
But you say you want me to be strong
So I'll fake it till I am
I think I could fight an army for you
If I could muster up my own
I won't pretend I'm superman
But I'll make your house a home

Not looking for a conquest
I don't need to get my rocks off
I just want to see the world
And you're coming with.

When two worlds collide
They both get torn apart
I don't know who to follow
I don't know where to start

My hands up in the air
My knees fall to the earth
I scream into the night
Until my voice won't work

Do you hear me?
Tell me do you hear me now?
Are you listening?
Do you care if I break down?
Is anybody out there?
Is anybody here?
Can anybody see me?
Or my reflection in the mirror?

Still on my knees in the darkness
My voice echoes in the valley still
I wait
Prostrate for an answer
I wait

As I lay here on my bed
My soul is falling
Down
Into a deep deep pit

No

Not falling
My soul IS the pit
And I fall into it
I am not drowning in my fear
Rather I see it as a marinade
Of gasoline and gunpowder
I dwell in it, soak it into my skin
And wait for the match to light

As I sit here
My arms and head are heavy
Though my eyes leave the ground
They always return swiftly
I no longer can look into your eyes
With confidence
I feel I have failed you
More than the rest
More than myself

I see you
And my whole being shakes with envy
My stomach is twisted with jealousy
All that I desire in life
You have
I find no solace in slumber
No respite in my dreams
Night after night
Week after week
I dream of my failures
I'm haunted by the ghosts of my shortcomings
And wounded by your spectre of success.

Signs point in different directions
Art>
<Science
History^
Oddities¿

Art:
Every memory of every sunrise
Every beautiful melody
Here.
And so many images of her.
Some sweet
Some candid
Some sad.
How can we revel in the joyful
Without knowing it's opposite?
Every delicate poem
Every lyric yelled
Every painting
Every sculpture
And in all of them,
Her.

Science:
Models of molecules
Diagrams of data
Sketches
(Where are the equations?)
Math is forbidden in this museum.
Lectures
Theories
All gathering dust.

History:
Names.
The greatest of men and women
Julius Caesar
Constantine
Marc Anthony
Cleopatra
Rosa Parks
Elinor Roosevelt
Patton
Churchill
Kennedy
MLK

Maps and charts
Famous cities of old
Sparta
Alexandria
The halls of Montezuma
Constantinople
Babylon

Oddities:
Phantom Kangaroos
Homemade Bazooka
"That made the news?"
And Bubblegum the Baluga

The Raven Empress
Flaming mattress
Sharks with lasers
Pandas with Tasers

I need to write a happy song
Something to break through this
Grey fog of emotion
This putrid state of
"Meh"
This perpetual cycle of internal mental apathy
After all

Complacency kills.