It's rained every day this week.
I don't have what I did the last,
I'm not the same.
I think this may be another world;
It enveloped me, incautiously.
I did not see it coming--
Cool arms blurred my view and embraced me.
I opened.
My reflections are silvery, but I am not.
Everything is gray.
I don't hate it.
The sky's breath is cold
And I feel it soak through my clothes.
I set my umbrella down today and
I stood there. I closed my eyes.
I don't know who I am in this place,
But I feel okay.
I've lost, am lost, but little has changed.
I have not washed away.
Like storm clouds, I hold onto what's gathered around me.
I want to feel this ambivalent nothingness.

The rain brings new beginnings,
But now I must play the storyteller.

Touch the flowers on my sundress as if you pick them from a field;
The field is my vast season-changing heart, and your hands are my ever-changing sun.
Pick apart the petals and touch my budding breast, I turn to ash.
Plant new, I burst into many colors that may not be my own.
But never try to harvest, never force my change.
You can love a potted flower, but I will never be yours.
The innocence of a white sundress, the dirt upon you when you rip my roots.
You may water me, I need you so...
But please know when my stem is weak,
And when my mind is through.
A flower does not know it's beautiful,
It never asked to be told so.
Keep your hands gentle, help me grow.
I only want to grow and bring golden sunflowers to your life.

You find humor in the darkest things,
But I can tell when you don't want me to see.
We are two little black birds, and you are so much larger than me.
You think your black hole has swallowed you whole,
You can't escape your role, you are part of my soul.

You teach me to keep flying,
Show me where the easiest path may be.
We have fallen to Hell--
Ah, no, actually... We are the Q U E E N S.

You've watched me all these years
And within those years never forgot me.
You've seemed so unchanging,
So strong, yeah, like black tea.
You give me a sturdy branch in which to always land.
You tell me there is nothing impossible,
If you'd be my sister... That'd be grand.

We are two little black birds trying to fly.
Life can be so unfair,
But you've taught me there's no law in the sky.
You fill me with everything I needed in a friend...
But still you know my worries that tell me it will end.
You take me to the top of a highest tree
And tell me candidly that I can just... Be.

I know we've never been "together."
I know you said to move on.
I tried to be fine with wading this weather,
But the love in my heart still tells me it's wrong.

Now, I'm not saying I'm resentful,
But you did treat me like I was special.
Lately has been so uneventful.
And I'm starting to think this isn't a game...

I get a little jealous when you look at other girls.
I know we're not together, but... You are my whole world.
I get a little jealous when you talk about them too.
It's because we're not together, but...
You told me that you liked me... You told me that you do.

Now, I'm not trying to be weird, but call me, I'd give you my time.
Actually, I'd give you everything, cuz I just want you to be mine.
When I got too lonely, I'd just stare at your photos--
Soundless replacements for you, who knows.

You said I'm obsessive—come on now, don't play.
You like it when I'm open, you preferred me this way.
You said we'd be great together, don't think I forgot.
I cherish every sweet thing you said, so my heart doesn't rot.

Now I've deleted all of your things, cuz I can't bear to see your face.
My prized possessions... I should've given you space.
Why wouldn't you make me yours, like you wanted to?
Now we're apart, now we'll both just be blue.
And now I regret this—now I really do.
True, I'm a little weird, but we're both crazy.
I know what you're afraid of; I know it isn't me.

You say you hate everything about yourself,
But I find myself lost in you.
Even if I'm nowhere near,
I always rush to pick up when your call comes through.
I only want to write about your voice right now.
Because when I'm flooded in the dark,
When I'm weighed down by the toxins in my heart,
I forget everything the moment you start talking.
It's not really how it sounds, or what you say...
I can't describe it,

It just makes me feel this way.

Comforted. Soothed. At home.

I could listen to you go on all day.

I could name all the things I love about you;
Your eyes. Your smile. Your wit.
The way you always feel things so intensely.
The way you don't know when to quit.
But right now...I only want to think about your voice.

It's the only part of you I can have.

There was a time...
The first rhyme
You ever read to me
That time when I,
Once unappreciative,
But that night...
Fell in love with it.
You recited your hurt like art,
A delicate voice,
But with trembling heart.

During those early days of early love.
I always wanted to read along as you read aloud.

And I would've died to be the page you'd slaved upon.
Tears, blood, passion unrivaled like a daring dawn
That fights the night till the day is gone.
Perhaps it was to feel connected to you,
But I began to write my stories too.
I threaded them together painstakingly,
Usually in the lonesome limbos I felt achingly,
Anxiously,
And it took so long to share myself with you.

Did you know you were the first to ever see them?
You always thought I was beautiful.

Once again, you encouraged the fire free.
And this isn't the only sea
You've taught me to sail.
Now I place my work here
With the sheer raw emotion I so dearly make clear.
It is one of the few things I've made mine.
I never said I had talent, but at least I can rhyme!
And now?

Now I write for me.