I can't say that I was happy
Maybe the time we spent did mean something
Maybe the pain I felt was real and not just pretend
But I can't find the proof it must be hidden
                             My scars still hurt
                             My eyes aren't dry
                                  The tears I cry
                           There real, there real
We might not have been real but I can't say I didn't love you, I wish I could rewind back to the first day, back to when we didn't regret every kiss
                                   Between us
Why did we have to fall so far apart, that no glue
                          Could hold us together
               My hearts still beating but I can't feel
          My voice doesn't shake when I say your
                                         Name
                               But the tears I cry
                            There real, there real
                  Why can't you see you hurt me ?
                          Why can't you see me?
                         I'm falling from your grip
                          I'm falling I might slip
                      Catch me please catch me
                                My scars still hurt
                                My eyes aren't dry
                                 These tears I cry
           My hearts still beating but I still can't feel
       My voice doesn't shake when I say your name
                                  These tears I cry
           My heart still beating but I still can't feel
       My voice doesn't shake when I say your name
                                  These tears I cry

I put up curtains
So the sun couldn’t seep in
To hide the fact
That my pain was slowly leakin
Bleeding out
Felt like I had nothin to believe in
Opened up
And got kicked in the teeth when
I only had love
But soon jealousy would sneak in
We tried to front
But our hearts were only seekin
Custody of love in its entirety
And not just on the weekends  

And though we had it
It was laced with irony
Because love will slowly morph
Into a monster that tries to swallow me
And it’s not under the bed
Like they say in the movies
This **** lives in my head
And tries to control me
Like a puppet to its master
I feel strings at my throat
Because my emotions are always faster
Than I can cut the ropes

I’m a hopeless romantic too
In this wicked wild game
Which makes it hard for me to part ways with you
Because I feel this overwhelming shame

Because I’m mostly hopeless
When it comes to love affairs
Let the romantic slip my grip
When I feel like you don’t care

All I want is to know you love me
And to always prove I love you too
Because if you’re my reckless decision
I’ll always continue to choose you

Like a drug
You’re my strange addiction
I’m in constant need of you
A prisoner to loves conviction
Too blind to see the truth
That I’m not that wise
I’m infected by my youth
But I have to survive
And what else can I do?
But fight to stay high
And keep acting aloof

Here’s the proof

I once said ignorance is bliss
Until I learned the hardest lesson
That There’s love in every kiss
You can save the vague confessions
And there it is again
It’s slowly creepin in
The jealousy that takes my words
And slides out from my pen

I suppose thats my fatal flaw
Which adds development to the character
So I should be real evolved
Because I’m full of flaws and failure

Yet I try to give my all
In everything I do
But I always hit a wall
Wandering Far into the blue  
Lost Looking at the stars
To tell me what to do

It’s the only place that ever feels  like home
I Can look up at the sky at night
And not feel so alone
So i wonder if the constellations
Can give me a consolidation
On the humiliation,
of my constant reconciliation
With my own temptation
Think I love living in damnation

I’m never patient

Remember I said emotions rule my world
twisting and turning my thoughts
Watch them twirl
Might give em a whirl
While they swirl
Out of my brain
In the form of rambling words
Maniac is the strain
Roll it up and lick the wrap
Spark it up and smoke that


Expand and deflate
My lungs are irate
Might choke up on the sentiment
And start to suffocate
Cause thoughts can be killers
They’ll cut the brakes too
When your mind is going 100
And there’s nothing you can do
Heading straight into traffic
Your heart will start to race
And you quickly start to panic
Now it’s terror on your face

Hear the glass around you shatter
Feel it digging deep within
Now the thoughts that never mattered
Are carved into your skin

Tear drops turn to Whiskey
They fall so fast these days
Please tell me that you miss me
To help and ease the pain

Built up from the ground
I was here
Planted the first seed
To the master piece
Tucked away my pride
And came out of hiding
To grasp the hands of the man
Who sat against the wall
Not one to beg
Only watching
With a blank face
I couldn't help but to take his hands in my own
And lead him to his savior
Fed him tell he was full
Bathed him until he was clean
Taught him until he knew
His eyes where wise and kind
Reminded me of mine
I was young
So young
They told me I was naive
To let in a man poor
Said that he would take all that I had
But I had little
And it could be replaced
I knew he would never
His eyes told me so
His smile so shy
He had been set in my path
An angel for me to nurture
Because I woke in the morning
And he was gone
All that had been left
Was a crisp white feather
And a note that told me
He'd returned to his tower
Where he stood a top
To feel the winds power
I was not bitter
I had given all I had
For one that had less
And in return I had an angels eye
To watch over me

Rage is like an angry tidal wave
Roaring up the shore and destroying anything in it's wake
Rage is whats burning inside my heart right now
Rage is what has evoked these torturous traitorous tears
Life breaks people in half, and crumbles them on the floor
And for what? For what am I living for?
If this is the price I must bare
Tell me what is the reward I reap?
Afterlife is a joke
Darkness is all I'll know
But anything is better than this grievous hole
Gaping and festering in my heart
Anything is better than this pain

Rabbit rabbit
I formed a habit
I'm walking fast
And watching time pass
The need is grabbing
This pain is stabbing
I need to have it
I'll die if I don't
This smooth addiction
***** me in its deception
Won't let me go
I must escape
I'm falling apart
My seams ripped apart
Rabbit rabbit
I formed a habit
And I can't find my way out

There's a line dividing  you and me
It felt like an impossibility
That something could break me so easily
To leave my bones sore and my eyes leaking

Small, I feel small in a room with you
Insignificant, alone, dismounted from anything I was
My chest squeezes with the pressure of tears building
My head swarms with images

Take it all away from me
To take a blade would be so easy
To derail this pain with blood
To unleash this growing flood
It would be so easy

You there with that sad smile
with those angry emerald eyes
your heart is bleeding on the carpet
so full of the misery you deny

You there with the gentle touch
with those crystals in your veins
you talk tough but don't hit hard
you're just drowning in your pain

You there with those jagged edges
with those loose pieces of you
in those shattered frames, those broken pictures
left from when you were you

The stars have finally spoken
My heart is on the mend
My soul no longer broken
As you gave your hand to lend

This swirling in my heart
As you hold me in your arms
This feeling of a fresh start
Knowing you will keep me from harm

The way you make me feel
And the smile that you leave
It's almost too good to be real
So good it's hard to believe

I never thought this would happen
It never occurred to me
But I'm so glad it did
With you I feel so free

You never try to change me
I never try to change you
It makes me so happy
And I know I make you happy too

Tonight I'm thanking the stars
For replying to my prayers
Tonight I know who we are
And I can give my heart to share

It was the first time I had talked to you
That I felt it spark alive
A tingling shock; I'd thought that I'd died
Like a switch
I was ready for trouble
And troubles my specialty

Today I wrote a perfect song
The lyrics just right, not a beat wrong
I sang it until I could sing no more
I sat there starring at the carpeted floor
Thinking how is it possible to feel so right
How is it possible to not have to fight
Just sit here in peace, and sing my song
The one with the lyrics, and no beat wrong
The piano it rang, though the chords are unknown
It's better that way, to me more beauty is shown
That song is so good, I want to sing it to the world
When I sing it, it feels like I'm in space and I'm being hurled
Flying and diving, ducking and spinning
This time, I'm surprised, but truly I am winning

The frosty bite of the winters chill
Brought me from my daze
I was brought forth to a white painted hill
To look upon the trees that made up a maze
A fine winter indeed with a splatter of sorrow
As the ravens scream ahead
Because someone who will not see tomorrow
Today has been pronounced dead
The church bells sound with a booming ring
And the trees look desperately bare
And the choir overhead I can hear them sing
So I know you've gone safely there

We've traveled these long roads together
Battling these monsters hand in hand
Along the road we came to terms
We began to understand

We've seen the sunset
And watched the moon rise
Laughed effortlessly together
And disguised our hopeless cries

Time seems to have passed us by
Because I've seemed to forget your smile
Your eyes are a dim memory in my mind
I haven't heard your voice in my head in a while

I sat beside your grave
And even brought you flowers
I gazed up at the moon hoping I'd see you
As a shooting star in the highest of the star towers

I sat there all night
Wishing you'd just return to my embrace
Crying as I wished I could go back in time
And tell you I loved you, and memorize your face

Because those little things that never seemed to matter
Matter so much more than they ever did
I need to see every flaw and perfection
That you ever hid

Because now your six feet too far
And the ground is far too cold
I can't reach down and pull you up
Your bones are to fragile to hold

I don't know what I have done
To be punished today
My joints ache
My skins deformed
I cannot feel warmth
I want to cry
But I simply can't
Believe I've tried
I feel as though
I've been taken over
And my body will not move at will
How could I
Ever feel like this
It's sickening to feel
I just want to be warm
I just want the things go away
I'm tired of it , but it's
Determine to stay

I held a flower petal in my hand
And softly let it go
I watched it fly above the land
And wondered where it will go
Sadly I thought of the flower it used to be
And how I loved it so
I watched as the petal left without me
And left me here so low
I have a garden filled with flowers
I really shouldn't be sad
I have a million of them that I could shower
But I missed that one I had
Soft tears ***** my frosty green eyes
As I watch it blow away
So sad I wonder why
My flower couldn't stay

I answered the phone
I was happy
Then you said hello
My smile fell from my face
And I sat down without grace
Because I know your voice
I hate you
It's the only time I'd say such a word
But no other could describe how I feel towards you
After all that you have done to me
Can't you just leave me alone?
After all that I've said to you
Can't you go home?
I don't want to talk to you
You've broken me, and I'm stone
Please I am begging you
Stop!
I've asked you how many times
I've cried too many to count
I'm a mess already inside
Just leave me alone
I don't want to think of you
I don't want to hear you
I'm trying to get stronger
I'm trying to stay alive
So if you ever cared for me
Then you'd hang up the phone for good
And hand back my heart

Bright stars staring down
Me staring heavily back
Can't help but feel awed
Their beauty so amazing
Tugging me into a spell

Little angle in my arms
Crying tears
Brung up from harm
Soiled by fears
Eyes are wide
Duck beneath the shattering glass
No where to hide
As he massacres the class
God was weeping today
Evil had sprung across his soul
Not long to stay
But it had took its toll
The end is near
I can feel it in the air
It's close enough to hear
I can feel it there
I close my eyes and wait
There's no way out
We cannot escape our fate
I will go out
To the sound of an orchestras roar
Once last silent tear
I will open deaths door
Without fear
I will be reborn again
So long farewell
I'll wait for you there
When we all meet again

Clouds close around me,
They pull and tell me who to be,
It's dark but there is light,
I close my eyes and fight,
The wind blows,
And my true identity shows,
I'm scared to be so vulnerable,
But I have to open up into reality,
I can't hide behind a fake me,
But I hate who I am,
I hate knowing they can see me,
This storm inside billows and roars,
Like a shaking quivering shore,
Like a satin dress that's torn,
A cracked board keeping score,
Like an old clock ticking on,
Like a dry and dead lawn,
So here I am,
Layed out to you,
Scared and vulnerable but hopeful

Trapped between these prison walls
I watched, in dread, the angel fall
Innocence crushed like autumn leaves
And blown away by sad wind heaves
Hands are scarred from picking up pieces of this broken dream
Paralyzed mentally, ignore my screams
Darkness shrouds the corners of my heart
The foundation has crumbled into parts
This isolation will freeze my bones
Insanity taking over so no ones home
I just want to live alone

She loves him
He loves her
Everything should be perfect...
But it's a broken picture frame
Littered by broken glass
I stand here in the middle
Which way should I turn
They are both mean so much to me
Their to worlds collide
What should I say
What should stay secret
So close to tears
I can't solve this problem
Maybe its not them
Maybe...
It's me?

Your words break my heart 
Every piece 
Tore my world apart 
You had a feast 
Scared and trapped 
No where to go 
I almost snapped 
My sanity let go
Burned the bridges that we had built
Taken gravity
I felt the world tilt 
No stopping me 
I've been unleashed 
Tonight I roam 
These darkened streets

Take me to your heart
Lead me from this place of doom
Take me to your soul

Breath your life in me
Lead your children to the war
Give your life to me

Caves in the dark pits
In the deepest parts of you
Can't take my sight away

It's you that I love
Please don't deny me the same
Don't let my hand go

Had I been born a bird
With my outstretched wings
I would fly
Away from my hurt
Away from my past.....
Had I been born blind
I wouldn't have seen the
Glitch in my life
The one that ate me up
Inflicted so many sleepless nights ....
Had I been born deaf
I would've never heard
All the screams
That caused so many nightmares ....
Had I been born fast
I could've outrun the shadows
That engulfed me
In their arms
And burried me beneath
The surface

Goodnight moon
Ill seen you soon
Tuck me in
The stars will win
I rest beside a hill
Where I have been killed
I roam the fields at dawn
I sleep but do not yawn
The rain will pour through me
I will simply exist
I have forgiven you winter
I know you had to come
And I know it was not on purpose that you had done
But I live only with the sun
My petals fall when your gust calls
Flowers only live with warmth

The day had started under the sun
First day of kindergarten,
I would have fun

I told mommy and daddy goodbye
The feeling felt funny I don't know why

But I'd keep my head up,
I must be nervous
I'd get through today I'd stay tough

Until the door broke down
The teacher on the ground
I looked all around
But I'd stay strong

I didn't know where I was
My first day, was this right?
God was there, now I was scared

He took me in his arms
Said child please be strong
You didn't do anything wrong

My family all cried
I figure out I had died
But I had tried
To stay strong

He told me they'll be alright
It's there pain
they'll have to fight
But rest your eyes
Child

Until the door broke down
The teacher on the ground
I looked all around
But I'd stay strong

Breath dancing on the air
In swirls of clouded heat
My face is cold
And the winds are blowing
And here I'm stuck waiting for a bus
And I'm humming along
To my favorite song
I look across the street
Empty, quiet, not even a heartbeat
I look at the ground and pretend I'm not there
And that I'm gone in a far away land
Dream of the heat and the sun
All the summer fun
That I miss and I long to have
Oh sigh, so miserable, why?
When it's cold outside

What words do I write?
I put them down, but are they right?
Do they paint the picture, give you sight?
Do these words empower, give you might?
Do they illuminate, give you some light?
Do they cling on, hold you tight?

What message do I send?
Do these words make sense, are the pretend?
Do these words give you hope, give strength to lend?
These words are in my mind, they are my only friend.

These words are my blood upon a sheet
They're where reality and imagination meet
They are my defenders, my enemies they defeat
Without these words my heart would retreat

But do they make sense, when they fall upon foreign eyes
Do you feel my pain, my love, do you realize
That these words are my soul not my lies

I've been away for so long
That I had forgotten how it feels
To sit with family all around
And cook family meals
The laughter the smiles
All pick me up
It's been awhile
But I still love the way it feels
Though its cold out
We still dare throw water
And we know we might catch colds
As we fight in only shirts in the snow
But we live in the present
And forget the consequences  
Because everything is easier that way

Trees bend beneath the lazy wind strokes,
Snow flakes twinkling in the twilight glow,
Spring was near, but winter awoke
Destined t'was the phantom Snow

He lay his head along the grassy lands
In frosty, bitten slumber
He wisks away summers lush with his hands
And briskly sits upon his throne of December

Oh phantom Snow with his long iridescent strands of silken hair
And eyes fairest of blue
No woman, man, nor God compares
To the beauty that is you

He chuckles amused by words of flattery
Hubris in his winter might
"Allow me, to show thee,
A wicked snowy sight!"

He rose tall and sharp with an icy glare
And stepped down from his throne
He didn't see his brother Summer there
Awaiting to steal his home

"I am the king of the lands,
My winds blow near and far
Give me thy mortal hand
And I'll show you the winter stars"

In laughter the mortal took his hand
Chills slithering down her spine
Summer cackled, everything had gone according to plan
"Alas the throne is mine!"

Snow stepped out side with a grin in place
His heart still cold as ice
The mortal girl with a pretty face
Was now his to entice

The mountains of snow impressive in size
Dripped from dawning heat
Snow spun from the girl as he realized
That Summer stole the defeat

Summer grinned at his brother with an awful sting
Knowing what he had stole
Little did he know his little brother Spring
Was waiting for his plan to unfold

I want to run away
Just to feel free
I don't have to run
From an empty family
I've got a mother who cares simply to much
Her heart the biggest I've ever seen
I just want to run
I don't want to run away to be mean
Simply to feel the rush
I want to run away with you
I want to watch the morning sunrise and watch the grass dew
I want to run just for the pleasure of it
Just to feel the wind
I want to run until I have to quit
I want to run just to come back home
Because when I ran I was truly alone
I want to run so I really know what I have
I want to run so I will see clear
I want to run just for the fear
Of being caught of being sought out
I just really want to run