Your love is like a cigarette
On my mind when I first wake up
On my mind when my world is too caught up
On my mind all the time, even their smell
Quitting would only be hell
Addicted from the start
Both bad for my heart
Cigarettes leave burn holes in my bed
The place you once lead
Light on my lips, but nothing like his
Inhale the smoke
But still, I inhaled you most
Bad for my lungs
Both my favorite on my tongue
But you still make me catch my breath
Ever since day one

You like my pretty words wrote down on paper all for you
But do you like my thoughts and words that come out of my mouth instead?
You think I have a pretty face
Do you think I have a pretty heart?
You tell me to head east, then you start to head west
I try to follow but the path gets too dark
Did you turn off the light?
Left me cold and with a mark
I searched and searched but I still could not see
Was your back turned to me?
You ran and ran and dropped to her feet
"I love you to the moon and back" you said
"I love you too" she replied
But really she lied
How could you really love another when your heart is made of thunder
2 weeks later they were outside
"Look at the moon and how it only shines for you"
"I don't really like the night sky" was all she replied

I imagined myself obliterated by an incessant line of cars and how that would almost correspond with what I was feeling right now. I pictured God dismembering my soul again and again, wondering where He went wrong , where He missed a stitch or tore a seam; but if He doesn't make mistakes, then why am I here?

When assuredness
won't slay its enemies,
and determination
forgets its ardor;
the wind the leaves lets fall,
the water its surfaces harden.

all the days just fade into one another
i do nothing, i see nothing, i am nothing
even medication and self harm cannot bring me out of this darkness
i binge and purge the demons out of me

i take all the pills at once to drown out my own self hate
i take them all to accompany the numbness in my heart
i slip down further and further
the darkness gets darker and darker

i drink away the voices in my mind
i drink until they go from sharp and bitter
to warm and soft
i drink the pain away

i cry until my heart caves in
i cry because there's no other way
i can suffer like i should
i cry until my eyes dry out

i take the pills
i drink everything away
i cry all night
until i find the courage to end my own life.