You may have cheated on me, but mind you: it wont be as simple when you're trying to cheat on Death.

You aren't going to find what you're looking for
in the mouth of the new woman you love,
even if you search behind her teeth for years,
even if you finally find the words to describe the emptiness
that blooms inside your body-
You're never going to find whatever you're trying to find
within some other empty chest,
mouth,
stomach.

She will let you look though.
She will offer her body to you
as if she's spent her whole life waiting for you to use her
to feed your soul.
She will map out all the places you can search,
and tell you all her stories
of how she grew into those places you're about to hollow out.
She will let you take her apart and search for yourself
behind her lips,
and
between her thighs.  
She will let you,
and so will the next one,
and then next one,
and the next.

You will burn through their bodies like a forest fire
until you realize-

Whatever you're looking for
can only be found
in the only place you are too afraid to look.

Whatever you're looking for is somewhere lost
inside yourself.

Photography* is poetry using light.
Poetry is painting with words.
Painting is sculpting on eyes.
Sculpting is music for stones.
Music is writing through feelings.
Writing is pottery with thoughts.
Pottery is photography of clay.

Back in December it felt like you,
Would never leave but I guess it's true,
That nothing gold can ever stay,
and so you have to go away.

I wont lie, I'm going to miss,
Your lips and how they feel when we kiss,
but I have strength and I have hope,
That without you I'll somehow cope.

In a place where my head is full,
Of thoughts like "hes so wonderful",
Is when ill need your touch the most,
Instead of just some wispy ghost.

Memories will help to ease the pain,
On the nights loneliness drives me insane,
But even so, in the darkness ill weep,
Myself into an uneasy sleep.

Maybe all I need is one more day,
To fix our problems and convince you to stay,
but time is the one thing that I can't suspend,
Because all good things must come to an end.

My mothers beginning to worry
I don't eat enough
I'm glad to know she cares
But it isn't love

My fathers asking me if i'm alright
And I tell him a lie
I'm just as close to him
As any other guy

My friends don't ask
They don't see the signs
They don't look for sadness
Or my scarring lines

So I keep my fake smile
To keep them all away
Because even if I told them
They'd all leave anyway

It was always that Peppermint White Mocha.
It's so funny that a simple drink... one that I choose every single time.
A drink my friends and I have turned into a small inside joke.
A drink that tastes like Christmas ( which you know I hated) and Joy ( but i was always too pessimistic right?).

A drink that no matter the weather I still choose that one single drink.
Don't get me wrong, I've tested other flavors.
I've tried it iced.
I've tried it blended.
I've tried it at a local coffee shop in every city I go too.
But nothing compares to the original.

Funny how this started with you.
Are we even talking about the drink anymore?

I was

Keeled over
Screaming
In the garage.

I laid in there

I wished that
There was some way
You could feel
My pain,
My sorrow.

I remember thinking that

Every second
That goes by
Is another reminder
Of what I lost.

I had to

Be quiet
Because they were
Sleeping
In the other room.

I could feel my

Heart breaking
As I studied
Your face
Like I would never
See it again.

Because I knew,

Yes I knew,

That I wouldn't.