a false premise was the start of everything that went wrong in the end, or in correct thinking, it never actually went wrong, as it was actually wrong all along. lets just say it was wrong from the beginning.

a void was blinded from our eyes, and the only way we kept from seeing it was seeing each other, balancing the unruly truth from flipping us inside out.

your laugh sounded as smooth as silver as it played back in my mind like on old, crackling vinyl left on a dusty shelf. honey soaked skin made everything seem just natural to me, and as simple as it might sound, this attraction that at first seemed so wonderful is now unbecoming.

I just wish it was more efficacious to my thoughts.

(j.a.r.)

crystal water, silky skies, sun kissed skin,and bright blue eyes. deposits of sand across burning skin changes a person from dark and weary to bright and cheery. the waves move like the words passed between each, crashing against every thought pondered on the beach. barely able to move after the fun, body aching red from the blazing sun.

at least it was worth the while.

(j.a.r.)

I can't believe how idiotic I was.

Loving you was harder than David's stone, knocking me dead mentally, and I didn't realize it until blood dripped along my temple.

Two opposites I thought would go great together only rebelled  when close.

Let both stay far apart, for neither were meant to be close, rather "symbolically paired".

(j.a.r.)

I'd like to say we acted like politicians, causing nuclear disasters filled with stares of disapproval, but we weren't.

Oceanographers couldn't complain any longer, I mean we were right by each other and still knew more about the things farthest from us.

To say the least, we were both covered in our own exoskeleton, staying safe from our only safety.

Every moment, every glance spun a web of anything but truth.

(j.a.r)

you know, way back then  I thought you liked me...
and not just in the "cool dude" or "chill but nothing in common so we won't talk" kind of way, I mean like like me as us kids would say.
the way you would just stare at me as I read my book, being interrupted without a single word ever passing between us, you made the words change directly on the page from some random sci-fi novel to ours, or better yet, the one you hoped to write, the one you hoped I would somehow read. I mean heck, I barely knew you...I just knew your name and the way you answered your presence everyday aloud. freckles dotted around your face from the sun, oh how he wished he was more than one star alone, hoping to plant specs of them upon the skin of another. you know maybe it was because I was insecure, or maybe it was because we both we're.

You read my poetry and writing, letting me know you were listening, and I was just to stupid to notice.

I didn't really know what to do.

Then you dated her, and it honestly made the rose tinted world black.

Don't get me wrong, I mean she's a lovely girl, I was just left in a tug.

Ah, well, confidence showed somewhere, just no where near how I expected it to. She rubbed off on you, and I guess it was for the better, it had to be.

After a while, words became more common between us, and finally they stopped completely again, except this time I didn't even get the daily "here" or  "present" from the passage way of your words, not even a glance.

Months upon months passed, and here I sit in my boring bed room writing how sorry I am for never taking a chance as you sit with you group of lovely friends talking about current events.

I know you like her, so I'm not ever going to bud in where I shouldn't, believe me I couldn't, I wouldn't have a chance against her.

Your a great guy.

Much Love.

(j.a.r.)

how much can he take from me...

can he steal my heart?

can he rip apart every muscle in my brain?

drive me corrupt and insane?

bend my trust like a worn out key where a lock can't be unlocked like his heart which is unused, unseen?

in between lies a thin line of fantasy, and among it floods reality.
sometimes, it's almost bearable to keep going, a lot of times actually it's the thought of knowing that I can perhaps pass by my dreams once or twice a showing.

although times have changed quite rapidly, and there isn't a thing I can do, I know, I just would like the opportunity of another life time to shown you.

I can't foretell the future, but I can hope for the best as I lead you back to her, the girl you first fell for beneath the humid air and baby powder engraved earrings.

Olive skin, not a sin on our minds together, just pure laughter and mixed signals coaxed with smiles that eventually ended up thrown into the sorrowful bin of 'whatever'.

I can change, I am willing to for the love we once held, but if that means changing every ounce of my into a twisted image of fake mange, then you can take you love and go get rid of the swelled heart you claim to have.

(j.a.r.)

I was just thinking, you know that first time you ever take an interest in something or someone, and it appears as if nothing is going wrong?
well, how often does that happen?

I don't know honestly, I mean I wish a part of me knew when I was going to like or hate something ahead of time so I could prevent myself from taking any wrong turns, but that's just not living. That is classified as the same thing as being locked up for years.

I would like to say that I know everything I am ever going to be good at, everything I am going to stumble over, and perhaps even every guy I am going to miss in between the tears, but that is irrelevant to the definition of being human.

Being human comes in two parts, faith and doubt, and although they are opposite of each other, they can work together in the strangest ways. In order to have faith, there is always doubt that it won't ever work out properly, and in order to deal with doubt, you have to have a little faith to get by.

I know that it is confusing.

Every choice made can be good or bad and the outcome can coax others to turn to dust along with you if you're not careful, but if you don't have a little faith, the doubt is impossible to overcome.

I mean I was just thinking that even though an interest can change your whole being, it doesn't always mean it's a bad thing.

Sometimes it's the only medication that can save your soul.

(j.a.r.)